The Blogfathers

This is for any of you who are fairly new parents and you’re stuck with the realization that you have become your parents.

I’ve realized for quite some time now, but what’s really getting to me is the repetition. I’m reasonably sure my mom repeated the same words and phrases over and over again, but I don’t remember her doing it this much! I’m this close to taking L.A. Toddler to the ear doctor to get her fitted for a hearing aid.

I’ve been doing my own little informal poll and these are my numbers for the first two months of 2009:

• Number of times I started a sentence with “Don’t” - 227
• Number of times I started a sentence with “No!” - 438
• Number of times I started a sentence with “Stop!” - 127
• Number of times I started a sentence with “Untie your grandmother!” - 2 (well, 2 and a half. The third time, I never got it all the way out of my mouth…)

There are many more examples like this but it really drives me crazy. I’m getting to the point where I don’t even look up from whatever I’m doing. I can now pretty much scold on auto-pilot.

Yes, yes, I know. This is all just payback for how badly I tortured my poor mom. She tried to curse me - told me I’d grow up to have a son just like me some day. I laughed at her when I had my second girl. I told her her curse didn’t work. I only had girls! So there! Pttttthh!

She just laughed a mildly maniacal laugh and wandered off.

She got me. I’ve got little female versions of me running around my house. And I’m using all the same words she used to use when I was a tot. The curse continues.

I can’t wait until I remind my girls that they’ll end up with kids just like them. Some day. Some day soon…

Is your toddler  invested in the financial markets?  If the answer is no this might be a good time to get started. The drop in the stock market might be painful but it’s the best thing that ever happened to your toddler or newborn.  Start putting in some money now and continue on a regular basis, chances are very high returns will be nice in 15-20 years.

I exited the markets last year with a little luck but now want to make sure my kids money are well invested. The crisis is probably far from over but now when markets are down 35-60% from the top it’s a good time to put some of that (little) toddler money back into the market.  My financial plan for the kids (2 and 5 years old) is extremely simple and boring. I put aside a little money each month which goes straight into their accounts.  Over here, each person with a child receives $150/month per child until 18 years of age from the government.  The money can be used for dad’s beer fund, clothing, toys, or anything you want to.  We put this money aside so the kids will have a little buffer as they get older.

Picking stocks is something very few in the world are good at, the best long term investment for kids IMHO is an index fund of some kind.  Something that follows the general market.  Pick one with a good reputation and make sure expenses are low.  This makes little difference during a year or two but a large difference during 20 years.

Investing on a regular basis is crucial, that way investments are made when the market is high and when it tanks.  I try not to time the markets, except last year when 5% in the bank seemed like a nice risk reward.  By the way, should children be invested in the stock market?  Is it the best thing in the long run?

Looking historically, the stock market has given the best return in the long run.  This might not be true in the future though, it will go up and down but hopefully be higher in 20 years.  I’m counting on 5% a year for my kids which will make our small monthly investment grow into just over $50 000 per child when the kids turn 18.  This is something my parents did when I was young, I was given the money (a bit less though) at age 15 and asked to use them wisely with little oversight.  I would like my kids to use the money for travel, perhaps a car, some hobby, or something else they choose.  I’ve found that investing without seeing the money is the best solution for most.  A deduction from the paycheck or fixed monthly transfer into some account leads to less temptation to do other things with the money.

It’s impossible to pick the bottom, count on the market going down quite a bit more but keep putting in small amounts on a regular basis.  Remember, Nasdaq went from 5000 to roughly 1200 in a fairly short time.  The 30-40 percent drop from the top might just be the start of a larger drop.

When do you know when markets are close to a top or bottom?  After 15 years as a senior currency trader I’ve learned a simple thing or two:

1. Too Good To Be True:

When everyone keep saying how easy it is to buy an extra house and sell it in two years with 50% profit you know we’re heading for a crash (last few years).  Or friends in Florida mention how easy it is to buy and sell  condos in Miami with no risk (2006-2007).  Or people start day trading saying it’s so easy to make money in the markets (2000-ish).  Or when VC firms are throwing money at upstart companies with no business plan or revenue model (2000).

2. Advice From Weird Sources:

When my hair dresser in NYC started giving me stock tips and saying how easy it is to trade Nasdaq stocks I knew the top was near. When my dentist  said the same thing later in the week I went all cash.  Markets crashed shortly thereafter (2000).  Waitresses with stock tips are also a great reverse indicator. This people all tend to get excited about markets near the top of bottom.

3. Consistent Opinions:

When everyone is saying the same thing you know the turn is near.   When EVERYONE is saying DOW at 20000 you better watch out.  I used to ask traders at work some mornings what they though of the market today.  Days when they all replied USD/JPY/EUR or whatever going the same way I always took  a position the opposite way.  It never failed me.  When everyone is saying house prices can’t go down you better watch out.  Likewise, when everyone is saying the current financial crisis will lead to DOW collapsing the turn is near. Listen to what the herd is doing but don’t follow blindly.

And don’t forget, be careful trusting any analyst. Most analysts have a terrible track record.  They might be right at times but also wrong many times.  Truth is, it’s very difficult to predict markets and that’s why so few are successful at it. Analysts also often don’t invest according to their opinions and lie their asses off to help the company.  Just Google what has been said about AIG, Lehman, Bear Stearns, etc. this year.  And lets not mention what was said during the last dot com crash. A few are very smart and good at what they do, most have a reputation in the markets which make a serial killer look good.  They rank slightly above lawyers, which means just above dirty diapers.

Good luck with your toddler and his/her money.

L.A. Toddler doesn’t ask 400,000 questions a second like most kids her age. Not that she’s incurious - if you ask her what books she reads and she can actually tell you - but she’s more likely to give you one well-placed bomb of a question to knock you out. She’s crafty like that…

She’s four years old. And at an age where she’s trying to figure out who she is, where she came from, and how this whole thing works. Last night, at the dinner table, she asked L.A. Mommy, “How did I get in your belly?” Her mother had just reminded her of when her sister, L.A. Baby, had been in her belly at this time last year.

My wife looked at me with that look that says, “Oh, no. Here it comes!” But she recovered nicely and started telling the story. We were married back in 2003 and L.A. Toddler came along in 2004. She told her, “Daddy and I fell in love, and we loved each other very much… and then, we had you.”

So, L.A. Toddler decided to fill in the rest, “And then you loved each other very much and you had my sister!”

Both of us automatically let out that single, sharp laugh that states, “No, you’re not even close…” When my wife and I decided to have a second child, I was ecstatic. I couldn’t wait to have lots and lots of sex — without a condom! It was gonna be great!

But… we got pregnant on the first try. The very first time! Needless to say, I was disappointed. Sure, everyone was patting me on the back like I was some stud, but I was pissed. Seriously. Pissed. One time? Are you kidding me? No fair!

So, my wife looked down at our lovely daughter and patted her cheek and said, “No, daddy didn’t love me very much. He only loved me once and then we had your sister…”

Man, that hurts.

I had a real crappy morning with the kids yesterday.  I lost my temper over something minor and screamed at my 5-year old son.  We rarely have issues, he’s such a good kid, so he was of course extremely sad and a bit shocked.  After a while I did the only thing a real man, or real woman, should do.  I admitted I was wrong and explained why. This made me think of  guilt in general.  Why do people have such huge problems  admitting guilt and moving on regardless if it’s a minor issue or a huge crisis?

I’m used to  being wrong.  After having worked 15 years as a currency trader in fast moving markets you quickly learn when to take a loss and and start over fresh a few seconds later.  Tens or hundreds of  times each day.  The people who can’t admit they’re wrong, and take a loss, never make it.

I tell my kids it’s alright to be wrong and I want them telling me when they make mistakes.  Regardless if they broke a window, hit a friend, stole borrowed a toy, or dropped daddy’s camera in the toilet.  This works well for me and I’m hoping this kind of relationship will become very important in the teenage year.  When my kids are 15 and get too drunk at a party at 3 am in the morning, I want them to call me.  I will be glad to pick them up without giving some fatherly speech and instead sort that out later.

Maybe this is something that needs to be trained, just look at how many couples have issues with accepting blame, admitting mistakes were made, and just move on. In my experience, people who can’t admit ever being wrong never earn that extra amount of respect from others. That’s why I try real hard convincing my kids it’s fine to be wrong but they should admit it and move on. Is this something you find important to teach your children?

Interesting things happen when people take charge of the situation and say those difficult words, “I’m sorry, mistakes were made”.  This is even more clear when someone does the opposite and stubbornly refuses to accept any blame and instead pretend there are no problems at all.  Great example would be Bush speech last week regarding the bailout package.

No one is to blame for the crisis, the economy is just fine, and this is just a minor disturbance.  The economy is doing fine and we should all stop worrying.  Which is interestingly exactly what Lehman Brothers, AIG, and Bear Stearns said one day before going bankrupt.  Personally I think a leader would be better off saying something like this to be respected.

I really hope my kids learn their lesson from my mistakes.  It’s no fun when a whole world doesn’t even bother to get mad at you, they just laugh since what’s being said belongs in a bedtime fairytale for children instead of the world stage.

I’m convinced my oldest daughter is not mine. Not biologically. No… L.A. Mommy didn’t boink the pool boy. I’m quite sure, however, that my daughter’s father is Satan.

She’s four and a half years old. And those little horns have been poking through for about a year now. Man, forget the “Terrible Two’s”! It’s the threes and fours you gotta watch out for!

Okay, soooo I’m really stating the obvious. Toddlers are obnoxious. We all know that.
But my wife and I (okay, my wife) had come up with a solution we were sure would work just fine. Wanting to avoid being the type of parents who beat their children within inches of their lives (and pelvic bones), we tried the whole “Time Out” thing for a while. That hasn’t always worked out. Not so much…

Our new cunning plan was to revolutionize this Time Out B.S. theory! We wouldn’t put our child in time-out… Oh, no! Whenever our eldest would act up… we would put her toys in time-out.

Fiendish, I know. We’re clever that way.

If L.A. Toddler were to defy us, do something bad, or otherwise piss us off, we decided we would place her favorite toy du jour into a time out. And that time-out lasted the whole day. If bad behavior persisted, we would add another toy to the time out purgatory. Any more crazy attitude might mean that a time out for Barbie or Barney or Tigger could last for a whole week.

We were going to stick to our guns, too. No giving in. No relenting and giving back the favorite toy. No sir. Never.

We cackled and rubbed our fiendish little hands together like mad scientists in a B-movie from the 50’s.

And our plan would have worked, too. Had it not been for the fact that L.A. Toddler is smarter than we are. She’s always been one of those odd kids that has no dedication to one type of toy. There was no beloved blanket or stuffed animal. No toy she couldn’t live without.

We put one of her toys in time-out for the first time. We expected much wailing and gnashing of teeth. She simply smirked at us, slid off her chair, and walked away. We looked at each other, watched her pick up another toy, and stared in disbelief as she happily played with something else.

And since we’re not that bright, we’ve continued our failed strategy. At this point, I can’t park my car in the garage. There are 27 boxes full of toys - all in “Time Out” - filling the room for the next 5 days. And Satan’s spawn my daughter is in the house playing with the cat’s toys (full of catnip.)
Should I be worried about the catnip?

As a father, photographer, and blogger I’ve often considered the important issue of online privacy for myself and my family. I’m not concerned with any of the crazy kidnap/murder/stalking scenarios that the media likes to play up. Just, in general, I think people should be able to control what personal information about them gets onto the internet. So I don’t “overshare” on my blog. And every picture I post on Flickr is approved by the subject first (Even my kids. I acknowledge they aren’t entirely competent, yet they’ve each vetoed me on more than one occasion). Importantly, I have never posted the real name of anyone in my family.

That last bit is one of the most systematic privacy guards I’ve employed. The idea is that, even if you know them, when you search for my kids’ names you won’t find anything. I don’t use them in tags, I don’t put them in blog posts—and I ask people who photograph my family to do the same. Granted, my name is all over the place and I do talk about my family so it’s not hard to put together—it’s a balancing act.

I don’t do this out of fear (although I do worry for kids entering high school with embarrassing baby photos online cross-referenced with their real names). I just feel that, if my son or daughter want to start building an online identity at some point, I don’t want them to be burdened by years of my baggage. And trust me, if your kids are in search engines now they probably always will be. Mine aren’t old enough to make the decision yet so, effectively, I’ve opted them out.

But I wonder if it makes any difference in the long run? A recent development has got me rethinking my strategy. Namely, face recognition in public search engines. Google image search and a new service called facesaerch.com [sic] both can do a kind of image search on faces. It’s conceivable that in the next few years anyone will be able to view a photo of someone online and then ask the search engine to show you every other picture of that same person. It’s even conceivable that the search would be able to take aging into account and to cross-reference it with other textual information. So if you spot a random photo of someone you recognize it would be one-click easy to find every other embarrassing photo/blog post of that same person regardless of where it is or when it was posted.

The best protection is not posting anything at all. But, in moderation and with care and respect, I still think it’s okay to write about and post photos of your kids online. But what do you think?

Do you write about/post photos of your kids online? Why or why not?

I often refer to my 2-year old daughter as “high maintenance”, although her needs so far are emotional.  But according to a recent UK study, boys are in reality tougher on a family’s finances during childhood years.  I’ve always been happy with a girl and a boy and admit never having thought of which gender was more expensive.  My gut feeling tells me girls are financially more high maintenance but I’m obviously wrong.  Girls or boys, who’s more expensive?  Since all kids are different individuals, is it even possible to determine?

Boys cost thousands of pounds more to bring up than girls because of their obsession with sports and electronic games, says a survey.

Raising sons costs £32,000 through their school years, £7,000 more than daughters. Parents run up a bill of £2,143.75 a year buying their sons gadgets, including computer game consoles, equipment for their hobbies and new clothes. Daughters cost £1,631.86 a year - or £24,739.03 throughout their childhood.

Computer games and game consoles might be expensive but do last for a while.  I (incorrectly?) always imagined parents spending far more money on girls clothing, my daughter must apparently have a seemingly unlimited amount of pink clothing while my son wears anything.  I guess we’re lucky to discuss this in a humorous way, there are certainly many countries where having a boy is seen a financial gold mine and a girl being equal to a death sentence.  I’m thinking of countries like China and India where girls are tossed in the trash or aborted for being useless.

Boy or girl, who cares.  Real parents love them equally.  But is it time to stop referring to girls as being high maintenance?:-))

If your kids are behaving too well around the dinner table I might just have found an interesting product.  Let’s say you trained the children well, taught them to eat by themselves early on, chew with their mouths closed, finish what’s on their plate and not throw food at other people.  That’s apparently when you purchase the ZING! It’s a special spoon which helps your children throw their food further.  Perfect present for a birthday party of that child you don’t really like or a child with real annoying parents.

Now there’s a new weapon in your homeland security arsenal - load up a particularly mushy pea or corn niblet, aim, pull back the spring-loaded handle, and watch your food take flight. Zing!

I saw a grown man cry this past weekend.  Because of his car.  Men are unlike women often (unhealthily) attached to their cars.  I went through a similar period 15 years ago but quickly snapped out of it.

As I pulled into a German gas station there was a gorgeous Porsche 911 Turbo filling up gas.  It started up fine but soon sputtered with blue smoke.  The owner stepped out of the car, looked around for a minute to find some answers and then started crying.  At first I thought he would kill his wife but it turned out she was completely innocent.  But I swear she was trying hard not to laugh as she found the problem.  The owner had stupidly filled out his hot performance car with DIESEL!

I think it’s true what women claim, men are idiots.

Before I had children and I would ponder what being a parent would be like, I pictured games of catch, helping with homework and dosing out some much-deserved punishments from time to time.

Not once did I ever imagine standing in the toy aisle at the local Wal-Mart two hours before a birthday party that my kids will be attending, looking for “the perfect gift.”

And yet, today, there I was.

I arrived at Wal-Mart with high hopes.  The girl I was buying for is three years old and, I was told, loves Little People and cars. I figured I’d breeze in, find a couple of cool toys and be on my way.  I figured wrong

As I wandered the aisles full of colorful plastic and die cast metal I began to realize there were things I hadn’t considered when purchasing a gift.  First, how much do I spend? You don’t want to appear cheap but then again, you don’t want to get too extravagant either (not to mention that I had to buy two gifts - one from my daughter and the other from my son - one of the downsides of having twins).

Further complicating the matter is that in this melting pot of a world there are still very few toys that celebrate diversity and I was having a hard time choosing something that didn’t represent the background of the girl I was buying for.  That, and I couldn’t find a car with feminine lines that I liked.

So, I wandered the aisles of Wal-Mart, empty cart in hand, social calculator in my head (price x quality of gift = success) trying to find that perfect gift.

Finally, after roaming the toy section for over 25 minutes, I settle on a Little People Airplane set and a six mini-cars from the Disney movie Cars (of which I’ll remove the “Value Pack” sticker on it before bringing it to the party), I feel good about my decision and I am confident that my choices will not ostracize my children in the toddler birthday circuit.  I am ready to head on back to the house and take my kids to the party.
That is, until I realize my choices haven’t ended just yet.

Gift bag or wrapping paper?
*sigh*

This might take a while.

Cute kids are irresistible and can get away with almost anything.  I  like honesty, even when it’s considered a bit rude and undiplomatic, and therefore love the way young children speak.  The truth comes naturally.   My son is no exception but caused a minor crisis in the family this week when he called Foxy Wife “fat” with a smile on his face.

At the dinner one night Foxy Wife was wearing a short top with exposed stomach.  She was bending forward and her stomach kind of looked bigger than it was.  My son looked at her for a while in a confused way.  Then he pointed to Foxy Wife’s stomach and asked with a smile::

“Mommy, do you have a baby in there?”

Funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time, wife was less amused but took it well.  She explained there was no baby in there.  His comment would have been sad if she wasn’t so fit.   Playing two hours of tennis followed by a 10k run and wild sex a party is not a problem.

Still, my son’s question inspired her to workout a little harder.  And of course I’ve wasted no time asking her this whole week about her pregnancy, the possibility of twins, baby names, and my paternity leave.  It’s no secret our son wants another sibling, something we’ve discussed but probably won’t go through with since our daughter is as much work as having triplets.

Isn’t it nice being insulted by your own kids?:-))

Foxy Wife and myself consider our relationship to be quite normal but most friends say we have a very open relationship. We’re no swingers, don’t cheat or fool around, and have been together for a very long time. But being married with kids doesn’t mean one can’t have fun? Or does it?

I’m flying down many weekends this summer to play professional tennis in Germany. Last weekend I went out in the evening with a friend to watch a game in the 2008 European Soccer Championships. I know my friend for a couple of years and she has a serious boyfriend. She’s also 24 years old and very hot. For us it was nothing more than a couple of drinks, some friendly chatting, and watching soccer but some friends had other views ”Are you getting a divorce?” “You went out with another girl?”, ” Did you get a blowjob?”, “Which hotel did you go to?”, “Does your wife know?”, “Are you crazy?”, “I’ll do you a favor and won’t mention it to your wife.”

I consider it silly to be married, have two children, but not be able to talk to another woman. Is that really too much trust to ask for?

Of course I told my wife and she didn’t care. And I don’t care when she does the same. Maybe it’s because we’re honest with each other. But I’ve found this to be a sensitive subject for most couples. 

In your relationship, is having a friend of the opposite an issue? Must having a couple drinks with a friend who is hot imply sex? And is it only me who think a woman is a better friend than a man?