The Blogfathers

The sound of magic

Flagrant Disregard — Tue, 13 May 2008 23:44:02 +0000

The kids are in bed.

The Girl is having trouble sleeping. The neighbor’s dog is barking beneath her window. She’s reading and drawing with the light on. I’ll check on her in a few minutes and tuck her in and slide the paper out from under her arm and admire her drawings and put her pencil away and quietly, quietly turn off the light.

From The Boy’s room, a gentle murmur. I stand where he cannot see me, just beyond the light outside his door, and listen. And my heart swells with pride. He is reading.

I can’t find the words to express how wonderful it is to hear him sounding out the words. He reads slowly but with determination and with every victory over each stingy syllable his confidence grows. I can hear the excitement in his voice as he reads and then re-reads familiar words, a new understanding of each one blooming out of the old. Each conquered vowel, each consonant, is taken in and absorbed like so many tiny electric shocks, 50,000 volts of wonder.

It’s quiet now. The dog has stopped barking. I listen to my own breathing. I hear him turn the page, hear the dry rasping of paper on paper, hear him continue to read quietly to himself and supply sounds for the trains and cars and animals in his story.

As excited as I am, my feelings must pale next to his as his grip on this new ability tightens. He doesn’t yet understand the importance of what he is doing but I know he feels somehow bigger, more powerful. He is embarking on a quest and I envy him.

It’s amazing listening to him read. Listening to him learn. Listening to my son growing up.

Monday - Best Day Of The Week?

AdventureDad — Mon, 12 May 2008 09:34:36 +0000

I’ve recently run into some parents who apparently can’t stand their kids. Friday has now become the worst day of the week. Because one “must” actually spend time with the darn child during the weekend instead of delegating this to day care. This unfortunately seems to be a growing trend as well. Is this a sign some parents shouldn’t have kids or are there other explanations?

What puzzles me is the parents with this “Monday syndrome” usually only have one child and no special issues. Kid is healthy, not handicapped, behaves well, and causes little extra work. Still, there is this terrible anxiety of over spending a weekend together as a family.

Having a child at day care from 8-5 leaves very little time together during the week. Dinner and then an hour or so before the little one goes to bed. Throw in some business trips and client dinners and there is even less time available. I’m kind of questoning the reason to have a child if one desperately want to avoid spending time together. What’s the point?

Our First Years

Hygiene Chronicles — Sun, 04 May 2008 14:27:50 +0000

My dear son,

What a crazy year it has been as we both finish our first years of school; you in kindergarten, me in grad school. 39 years apart and we a tackling our education with as much energy & passion as we can.

You and I are so similar when it comes to school. Studying comes hard for us, but friendships do not. Both of our teachers have indicated that it is extremely difficult for us to stay focused. My apologies in advance for passing on that trait.

Education is about learning and we have both benefited from these lessons.

We both had our achievements rewarded. You got five green days in a row and went to McDonalds. I made a 3.8 my first semester and went to Ruths Chris.

We both have had our frustrations. You hit a little in the girl in face and went to the principal’s office. I spent a whole year wanting to hit my teammate in her face for doing nothing to help the group.

We both joined teams this year. You started soccer and I connected with 5 other people who helped me get through these 32 weeks of classes.

We both jammed on certain subjects. You learned that 13 take away 7 is 6. I learned to calculate elasticity by looking at the percentage change in quantity over the associated percentage change in price.

We both had subjects that kicked our ass. You are still struggling a bit with upper and lowercase letters. I never could learn how to determine positive convexity on a 8-year semiannual note yielding 4.5% that was callable in 5 years.

We both learned that food can be iffy. You were surprised that school didn’t always serve chicken nuggets. I was shocked that my program would serve lamb and scallops on the same day.

We both received wonderful gifts from classmates. You got a rock and a dead worm from Devin. I got box seats at the Bon Jovi concert from Scott.

We both were chick magnets. You told me, “Emily is my girlfriend but we don’t kiss.” I told you, “Stephanie & Becca totally rock.” (And for the record, we don’t kiss either.)

We both felt overwhelmed at times. You struggled to stay in the lines when printing. I wanted to quit during statistics.

I want you to know how proud I am of you. The smile on your face as you tell us this week’s accomplishments have made me the happiest man alive. I have loved watching you learn; about this world and even more, about yourself.

Your excitement about school has gotten me through MY first year. I have so struggled with this program, but when I think of what you are tackling, I only want to make you as proud of me as I am of you.

Welcome to first grade, my little man.

Summer Vacation = Dead Dad Walking

Genuine — Sat, 03 May 2008 10:55:55 +0000

It has been 18 months since I began my new career as a stay at home dad and we are coming on that time of year again that seems like being a death row inmate’s countdown to execution–summer vacation. Having the 3 year old and 2 year old underfoot all the time has been manageable and sometimes even dare I say "easy", but now I am staring at a date on the calendar that seems to mock me and each day that passes makes that X on the calendar loom larger.

I’m writing this post at 4:30 a.m. on a Saturday. It’s surreal really because I am used to wiping noses and pouring juice and changing pull-ups while working. Yes, I am also a full time business owner and I can seem to keep all the plates in the air long enough to make it through until reinforcements arrive each evening. That is what makes the fact of summer vacation so difficult to deal with. I’ll have the 8 year old and 7 year old to also contend with, and they are at that age where I can’t really depend on them to take care of themselves and not also keep from leading the toddlers down the path of destruction. I am currently open for any suggestions anyone may have. I am not opposed to renting the kids out for those of you that want a taste of parenting. Heck I’m even thinking of putting them to work and throwing out all child labor laws. For now I am going to stock up on duct tape for those afternoons I need to have a little peace and quiet.

Are Men Only Good For Money?

AdventureDad — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 12:39:43 +0000

Most men are spending embarrassing little time with their children. Many barely know the little ones despite living in the same house. Is the main reason for this craziness money? That’s what author Tom Sykes is saying in the Daily Mail. According to him, men must always work so much and provide for the family. There is simply no time left for kids and family. Is this correct, is every man really so important that he can’t leave work a little earlier or prioritize the kids more without the world collapsing?

Let’s be clear, the reason that men are usually not present at children’s bedtime is because of one simple fact: money.

And the single most important contribution the majority of men believe they can make to the wellbeing of their family is to be an effective financial provider.

And I must also ask you bright fathers about your wives, or other women you know. Is it really true most women secretly hope for horrible failure when they leave the house and daddy is in charge?

Or think of the harridan-like mothers who always speak so dismissively about their partner’s parenting skills: “He’s useless”, “He doesn’t know one end of the child from the other”, “He can’t even change a nappy”, “He just can’t handle them”.

Isn’t there a great conspiracy among mothers to propagate the idea that only women can manage children, and are thus indispensable to their families?

What happened to partners working together making sure the heavy job of raising kids is shared in the best way possible? Are men really back in the cavemen days hunting for food while the women stay home to cook and raise the kids? Or have we never left the caveman ways? So many questions……..

Rolls vs. Roles

Keith — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 21:14:59 +0000

The biggest hurdle to me losing the weight that I want to lose before June is my son. He’s cute and little, missing two front teeth, and as a result his smile is reminiscent of fangs on a vampire. This is suitable under the circumstances given that we are in the midst of a battle for food supremacy in my home and he is winning magnificently, depending on how you look at it.

It appears that we are in a classic Alpha Male/Oedipal battle over who is man of the house. I win clear and decisive victories in all other areas aside from food. If he wants me to stop being affectionate toward mommy I bellow a hearty laugh and plant a kiss on my lady’s cheek, then give her a hug despite his being appalled. If he asks to share the remote to the TV, again I respond with a deep guttural guffaw and dismiss the request as out of hand with love and amusement. I teach him his place in the world and our house with a firm but calm hand, and all is well and status quo.

That is, until it’s time to sit down to breakfast.

Everything always starts off normal enough. He takes a couple of French toast and sausage, I take a few. I’m four times his size so that, theoretically, should be reflected in the way we dole out portions. He eats much faster than me, which is fine because everyone I know does. I prefer to let the tastes of my favorite foods linger on my palate, many others have no such interest in the full food experience. What ends up happening is that he’s onto seconds by the time I finish my firsts and I’m left with the conundrum: Do I allow my growing four year old (he’ll be five next week) out-eat me or do I take the low road, because I am the so-called man of the house, and show him how to put away the carbs? I want to lose weight but not if it means me eating like a wuss in the face of my offspring.

I’m of an era when daddy always got the big piece of chicken and first dibs on second helpings. Daddy was the big guy who held court at six o’clock every evening and every Sunday morning and we watched in awe as he ate, laughed, and asked questions like a man. These days many daddies are moving away from the old stereotypes and becoming more sensitive and open to ignoring tradition. My wife and I like a lot (definitely not all) of that old school stuff, and she balks at the idea of me losing weight - she likes a thick slab of a man.

So far my response to the boy’s unspoken food challenge has been to show him who’s boss. In other words I’ll be the guy in the long sleeve shirt sitting on the beach beneath the over sized umbrella, hiding my gut in victorious shame.

Keeping Up With New Skills

AdventureDad — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 21:57:03 +0000

Both my kids go to day care part time and I’m always surprised of how much they learn. This is often learning that I become aware of way after it has taken place. Does this ever happen to you? I go to great length not to approach day care as storage facility for the children by communicating with teachers on a daily basis. But there is still so much progress I fail to catch.

This delay in learning is quite comical at times when I chat with teachers and proudly tell them what my son has managed to learn at home. “Daniel counted to 20 in English yesterday”! I might tell his teacher. “That’s great, but he did that two months ago and he can manage up to hundred now….” is a typical reply. Or perhaps he made his first nice drawing, spelled his name by himself, learned how to peel potatoes, or dress himself from top to toe. I’m usually late in learning about these things too. I’ve also realized that he sometimes is a little evil, in a funny and cute way, since he fails to admit just how much he’s learned.

He might not tell me he can zip up the jacket or tie his shoes. It’s much nicer when daddy does it for him. He can cut meat by himself by prefers daddy doing it. Salad or celery is no good at home until I find out that’s he eats a whole bowl at day care. I wonder what parents do that take little interest in what goes on at school? If I sometimes feel a little behind, these parents must really struggle in picking the right activities since they have no idea where the current level of knowledge is. What’s appropriate, ask child to count to 5 or have him read a book?

I’m not bringing this stuff to complain about day care. I couldn’t be happier with our teachers and how they handle the kids. I’ve spent many days together with the kids at school and know the teachers do a great job. It’s more about curiosity and how to make parenting a little ~~easier~~ less difficult.

How do you handle these situations. Communicate through email, text messages, verbally for minutes each day, on a weekly basis, or only during parent/ teacher meetings? Or do you just go with the flow and see what happens at home? How do you keep up with all the fast learning?

Things I’ve learned about parenting and marriage

Flagrant Disregard — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 16:22:10 +0000

On blame and farting: If everyone knows who did it, there’s no point in arguing about it.
On noise: Many people think soundproof windows are for keeping noise out.
On repetition: One must make peace with the notion that two of the primary parental duties are turning off lights and flushing toilets.
On marriage: “Spouse” is another name for that person who stops you from murdering the little people.
On discipline: Is there even any point in telling children not to throw sand? Society might be better served if we allowed children to do what they will and allow people with sand thrown in their eye to beat them.
On entertainment: I don’t care how many times they remake Sense & Sensibility if it’s still Sense & Sensibility.
On aging: You know you’re an adult when you can call children “boys” or “girls” without any hint of discomfort or sarcasm.
On normalcy: One very quickly becomes accustomed to children despite the fact that they are non-stop engines of destruction and then they are gone for a few days and the silence kills you.
On resourcefulness: Children can never seem to find anything except you. Especially when you are in the bathroom.
On communication: Rhetorical questions, irony, sarcasm. These things mean nothing to children.

And that spells Trouble

Hygiene Chronicles — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 22:18:50 +0000

I grew up in a house that played games. We used to have game nights in which the four of us would sit around the kitchen table with a number of board games and just laugh & have fun. These are some of the greatest memories I have as a kid.

One excitement of becoming a parent is to relive that with my own son. It’s important to just slow things down and spend quality time together.

Then dreams become realities. Imagine my surprise at how ridiculously stupid Candy Land really is when you sit down to play. Sure, there are those great moments in Peppermint Stick Forest but overall, the game is mind numbing. Worse yet is Hi Ho Cherry-O. Could those cherries be any smaller to handle? And how many times do I think the game is over before my bucket spills and I have to begin again?

Truthfully, it isn’t about the game, but rather the laughter and the smiles. I could watch him all day play these games because it makes him so happy (and it provides good blog material).

However, after years of playing Buckaroo and Ants in the Pants, we have finally graduated to a new level. A few weeks ago, on the advice of another blogger, I got rid of the old kid games and we went out to buy new ones that we could play as a family. Up and down Target’s game aisle my son and I walked. He pointed out ones that caught his attention including Pictionary, How to Host a Murder Party and my favorite, Fact or Crap.

Dad settled on Trouble.

I loved this game growing up. And with the exception of how cheaply the plastic board is made, it is everything I remember.

His excitement with the popping dice, blocking your opponents and practicing how to count brought game playing to a whole new level in our household. We finally had something all of us could play and the best part is that everyone finishes pretty much at the same time. There is no definitive winner and the outcome changes with each game played.

The tradition that made me so happy as a child is finally being passed down once again.

Maybe we’ll do the Crap game when he turns six.

Borrow-A-Toddler

AdventureDad — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 20:45:00 +0000

I have two young kids. Apparently I feel that’s not enough work since I’ve been borrowing other toddlers on a regular basis for the past year. I don’t know how is started but I think I ~~stole~~ borrowed the idea from someone else. A couple of times a week I bring an extra kid or two with me from daycare for a play session with AdventureDad and my two kids. It’s now turned into a fun event when I show up at 3 pm. to pick up my kids and ten different children are asking to join us for an afternoon of playing.

Some kids at school have really long days and I feel sorry for them. Parents drop off at 8 am. and pick up at 4.30 pm. Sometimes days are even longer. Even though kids have a nice time at day care, parents are happy about their children joining us and getting out a bit earlier. I do have opinions on who should come with s but it;s my son who decides. I ask my son a day or so in advance and he can choose any friend he wants.

This type of social interaction with kids and parents is unusual here. Things have gotten better but people still tend to be a bit stiff, shy, and hesitant. Which is why some seem willing to pay cash for my play sessions. These toddler sessions has actually led to many nice friendships with other parents.

One would think an extra toddler or two, total of three or four kids, would mean lots of extra work. That’s rarely the case. Play sessions are usually very nice and I’m mostly an observer. Cleaning up can be a little burden which is why I love my son for mostly asking girls to play. They are so clean and neat!

Humorous Educational Problems

AdventureDad — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 10:51:00 +0000

I thought I would share a few questions and comments I’ve received throughout my 15 years in U.S. It’s hilarious and at the same time frightening stuff. Think of it as an unofficial survey of the U.S. education system. Lets try to give our children a little better education than this.

Keep in mind that my birth country of Sweden is small and it can not be expected that people know much about it. The country stands for nice things but is probably quite insignificant compared to larger places. Swedish things you might have heard of are Bjorn Borg, Volvo, Saab, Ericsson, Electrolux, ABBA, Roxette, Absolut Vodka, Nobel Prize, Swedish Meatballs, and Ikea.

All comments have been made by people who have attended at least two years of university although most had a university degree (yes I asked) and are from the 35 or so states I’ve visited. Enjoy!

“Is Sweden part of Soviet Union?”

Definitely not.

“So, you’re going home to your family during Christmas?”

“Yes, my family still live in Sweden”

“That’s really far away, how long does the trip take?”

“About 20 hours”

“Ohh, that’s long. You’re driving, right?”

I don’t know what to say. Driving from U.S. to Sweden is difficult. Not only is it very far but it’s also lots of water in the way.

“Do you have houses in Sweden or do you live in tents?”

Sweden has one of the highest living standards in the world although many do enjoy camping and sleeping in tents.

“Is Europe a big city?”

Europe is not a city, it’s a continent consisting of many different countries (48 I think). If it was a city it would be VERY LARGE.

“How come you’re not breastfeeding your baby? Breastfeeding is great for the baby, you have no money, and formula is very expensive.”

”It’s about status. Formula is expensive so people believe I have pleny of money when I don’t breastfeed.”

Nice idea. Good luck to you and your baby.

“You brought your car seats with you on the trip?”

“Yes, I like my kids to be safe in the car. In Sweden it’s extremely unusual to see a child in a car without a car seat”

“Hmm, sounds kind of stupid. You must have very bad drivers”

No comment.

“Isn’t it dangerous to walk on the streets of Sweden?”

“Ehh, no. Why?”

“Aren’t there polar bears everywhere?”

Winters can be cold but we have no polar bears

“Are all women in Sweden blond?”

We have many beautiful blond women but the population is mixed like any other country.

“I heard breastfeeding can give you cancer“

People who breastfeed can also get cancer although not because of the breastfeeding

“Isn’t it difficult to travel out of Sweden?”

“Ehh, not at all. Why?”

“Soviet Union is usually very restrictive with letting citizens leave the country.”

What’s with all the comments about Soviet Union??

“Where are you from?”

“Sweden”

“Which state is that in?”

“It’s actually a country, not a city, over in Europe”

“Ok, I see. But which state is it in?”

U.S. is very large but other places and countries do exist.

“I’ve heard all Swedish women have big boobs.”

I wish.

“You’re raising your kids tri-lingually?”

“Yes, we speak three languages at home”

“That’s dangerous. Poor kids. You will overload their brains.”

I think it’s safe to say my kids brains are not about to explode.

“I’ve heard all Swedes have blue eyes”

Not correct but it might have been true for the whole world if U.S. hadn’t been so awesome and stopped Hitler.

“Do you have roads in Sweden?”

Yes we do, Sweden is a high tech country with high living standards (which include good roads).

Royal Habits Or Basic Education?

AdventureDad — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 22:05:12 +0000

I feel like Tom Hanks in “Big” when he’s sitting in that meeting raising his hand and saying “I don’t get it“. I always felt like raising polite kids was a good idea but apparently some think the opposite is more appropriate. Are polite kids not desired any longer? What advantages could rude kids possibly have in life? I’m so confused.

Raising polite kids can apparently be seen as wimpy and something only royals should do even if it takes place in a normal middle class family. I could imagine overly polite kids face some minor problems if raised in a really “hardcore” neighborhood but not under normal circumstances. I find this politeness view really strange, especially since it’s going on in my extended family.

I’m not believer in military style discipline and my kids certainly aren’t’ raised that way. I’m not aiming for royal politeness standards, just some normal basic common sense. Is that really a bad idea? My kids are taught to say “thank you” when given something or when someone is being nice to them. Saying “your welcome” or “here you go” is a plus, and sharing toys with friends is an absolute must. Also trying to play with friends who are visiting our house. Those are some of my criteria for basic politeness which I don’t consider being out of reach or a bad idea for any kid.

I’m clearly missing something. Do you raise your kids to be somewhat polite or is that completely out of fashion? Must a polite kid really be equal to a wimp or a pushover?