Admitting Mistakes And Moving On
AdventureDad | October 5
I had a real crappy morning with the kids yesterday. I lost my temper over something minor and screamed at my 5-year old son. We rarely have issues, he’s such a good kid, so he was of course extremely sad and a bit shocked. After a while I did the only thing a real man, or real woman, should do. I admitted I was wrong and explained why. This made me think of guilt in general. Why do people have such huge problems admitting guilt and moving on regardless if it’s a minor issue or a huge crisis?
I’m used to being wrong. After having worked 15 years as a currency trader in fast moving markets you quickly learn when to take a loss and and start over fresh a few seconds later. Tens or hundreds of times each day. The people who can’t admit they’re wrong, and take a loss, never make it.
I tell my kids it’s alright to be wrong and I want them telling me when they make mistakes. Regardless if they broke a window, hit a friend, stole borrowed a toy, or dropped daddy’s camera in the toilet. This works well for me and I’m hoping this kind of relationship will become very important in the teenage year. When my kids are 15 and get too drunk at a party at 3 am in the morning, I want them to call me. I will be glad to pick them up without giving some fatherly speech and instead sort that out later.
Maybe this is something that needs to be trained, just look at how many couples have issues with accepting blame, admitting mistakes were made, and just move on. In my experience, people who can’t admit ever being wrong never earn that extra amount of respect from others. That’s why I try real hard convincing my kids it’s fine to be wrong but they should admit it and move on. Is this something you find important to teach your children?
Interesting things happen when people take charge of the situation and say those difficult words, “I’m sorry, mistakes were made”. This is even more clear when someone does the opposite and stubbornly refuses to accept any blame and instead pretend there are no problems at all. Great example would be Bush speech last week regarding the bailout package.
No one is to blame for the crisis, the economy is just fine, and this is just a minor disturbance. The economy is doing fine and we should all stop worrying. Which is interestingly exactly what Lehman Brothers, AIG, and Bear Stearns said one day before going bankrupt. Personally I think a leader would be better off saying something like this to be respected.
I really hope my kids learn their lesson from my mistakes. It’s no fun when a whole world doesn’t even bother to get mad at you, they just laugh since what’s being said belongs in a bedtime fairytale for children instead of the world stage.
Speaking as someone who never heard (and still hasn’t heard) an apology from my mother for anything she ever did or said that was hurtful, I can attest to what a huge difference an admission of error from her would have made in my life. The older they get the more they try our patience and we all explode unfairly once in a while. I make sure to revisit the issue every time I lose my temper and I think (hope?) my kids know they can trust me.
You’re doing the right thing.
Great post. I’ve learned that you have to own up to being wrong. If you can’t do it then your credibility is out the window, and anyone that thinks kids consider their parents credible “just because” is sadly mistaken. We all earn it.
Amen.
I think you need to admit you’re wrong more readily with your kids - I mean, as the parent, you’re responsible for the building blocks of your relationship with them in the early years. You want to teach them how to back down gracefully and apologise, and maybe have the grace to explain why they reacted the way they did.
It’s really the old leading by example chestnut…
Cool post. Thanks for the wisdom.
I also find it hard to admit I don’t know something when my very curious 5 year old asks questions, but they can tell when you bs them.
that’s right dad..we should train them from this early stage..but not too late rite?? We will keep telling each other to be a good parents..
It works. It really works. I had the same relationship with my daughter and she did call me to come and get her at a party when she drank too much. (She was 16) Her friends freaked out but I marched in there, got her, and took her home. We talked about it later and why it was wrong to drink but also why it was so good to call me. She told me that she knew she needed help and knew I would come and get her without freaking out. :)
It’s worth it bud. Hang in there.