Daddy and Stress: Do They Understand?
Genuine | June 11Daddy has a deadline. Daddy is on the phone with an important call. Daddy is paying bills. Daddy is looking at your school papers. Daddy is planning your lunches. Daddy and Mommy are talking about some things can you go and play?
All of these things are things that I have told my kids over the last week. They are normal things that we say to our kids all the time. Woven into these phrases and sentences is a whole myriad of stress, anxiety and other concerns. I decided since I am a proponent of communication to call a meeting with the children to explain to them the idea behind stress. I figured that they would then know why Daddy has a short fuse sometimes and the troubles I face while raising my children on a day-to-day level.
I talked to them first about my work and the demands on my time. I told them it was like making them clean their room when they know their friends are out playing and having fun. Working to me is a lot like having to do something unpleasant to get to do the things that are fun, like going to the water park. The 7 year old seemed to grasp the concept, but I think I lost the two year old as he was tracing the indelible marker on his arm with his finger.
I told them about the stress of dealing with money and how we have to make money to do the things we like and to have the things we need. I explained that everything we do costs us money. Going to the water park 8 miles away costs us money in gasoline and other costs. The 8 year old starting giving other examples so I think she was on the same plane, but I think the 3 year old was concerned with why we were out of gas and whether we had to go get more.
I talked about the stress of making sure they eat right, and worrying about them being healthy and safe. I gave them the ideas that chicken nuggets and mac and cheese was good but it was not the best thing to have at every single meal. They understood that when Daddy asks that they eat their vegetables it’s because Daddy is concerned about what they eat.
I explained about how Mommy and Daddy are concerned about their education and about getting them all the tools they would need to be able to grow up and be smart. The stress of making sure their school is giving them what they need and feeding them right and making sure we are there when we need to pick them up and drop them off and all the things we have to do to make sure they have the best school experience.
I began to wrap up the family meeting and I could see that they were forming questions in their own minds after absorbing all that I had taught them. They were contemplating Daddy’s stress and the concept I was laying out for them. I opened the floor for questions. The 8 year old has a great heart and her first question was very caring, “Are you stressed right now Daddy?” I was happy to report that I was not stressed at the moment. This was of course the beginning of the end as the questions now were being fired out faster than I could respond. The questions were so fast I could only catch a few of them.
“When are we going to the water park?” asked the 7 year old.
“We have gas in the garage Daddy, I’ll go get it.” said the 3 year old racing off to the service door.
“Can we stop for pizza on the way to the park? Do we need to go to the bank first?” asked the 8 year old.
The 2 year old looked up from his coloring book that somehow he was able to go and get during the discussion, and was tearing out pages to color. “Daddy me have marker” he showed with new lines appearing on his forearms, “Me have mac n cheese too? Me no want no pizza. Color me Dad?”
The seven year old handed me my computer bag as he said, “You can work at the park while we play Dad, then you can get some things done.” So what do you think? Are they getting the lessons of what it’s like to be a parent? I think the idea of stress is lost on them a little.
[Dad Working photo via: rogefer] [Money photo via: SqueakyMarmot] [Water Park photo via: Muhammad ]
Hi, I could find a contact form so here goes:
I’m doing outreach for two new public service announcements from the Ad Council about fatherhood just in time for Father’s Day. As you know, children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy, and criminal activity compared to children who have uninvolved fathers. I’m hoping that you can share this important message with your readers. Here are the two informative (and entertaining) videos:
Fatherhood Involvement - Cheerleader
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9A2Ap3DyvLg
Fatherhood Involvement - Super Soaker
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fhnrtlckm0
Thanks so much for your help and Happy Father’s Day!
Thanks Dorothee I’ll embed those on my own blog. Loved them both.
[…] A comment over on my post at The Blogfathers pointed out a new campaign by the Ad Council, and I wanted to help them out and embed the videos. Enjoy! […]
In one ear and out the other…
I suspect that even if the older ones seemed to get it at the moment, it’s only a matter of time before it happens again.
And the questions…OH THE QUESTIONS.
As we were driving last night, CareerMom and I noticed the slow driver in front of us taking pictures of herself with her camera phone. We started laughing about it and MLI in he back seat asked what we were laughing at. So we told him…and then ensued at least 15 follow-up questions that had little to do with the original. It makes you really just wanna not say a word sometimes.
But you know…I liked seeing your hu”man”ity here. Most of your blogs seem very “controlled” and I’ve often admired your fortitude. But dude, you almost cracked! I love it!
It’s worth a try, sure, to explain all that to them, and certainly doing it over and over again helps them to “get it” faster. However, I don’t think the capacity to really empathize and understand develops until later. Consider how it goes when you’re ill– my kids will say “I’m sorry you’re not feeling well, Mommy,” and maybe something like “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” And then two minutes later they’ve moved on to asking me to make them a snack or read them a book.
Ah well, the flip side of the apparent failure to fully communicate is that their certainty that Dad (and Mum) Can Fix Anything and It’d be Pretty Much a Cinch will remain impregnable. Not necessarily a negative…