Royal Habits Or Basic Education?
AdventureDad | April 1
I feel like Tom Hanks in “Big” when he’s sitting in that meeting raising his hand and saying “I don’t get it“. I always felt like raising polite kids was a good idea but apparently some think the opposite is more appropriate. Are polite kids not desired any longer? What advantages could rude kids possibly have in life? I’m so confused.
Raising polite kids can apparently be seen as wimpy and something only royals should do even if it takes place in a normal middle class family. I could imagine overly polite kids face some minor problems if raised in a really “hardcore” neighborhood but not under normal circumstances. I find this politeness view really strange, especially since it’s going on in my extended family.
I’m not believer in military style discipline and my kids certainly aren’t’ raised that way. I’m not aiming for royal politeness standards, just some normal basic common sense. Is that really a bad idea? My kids are taught to say “thank you” when given something or when someone is being nice to them. Saying “your welcome” or “here you go” is a plus, and sharing toys with friends is an absolute must. Also trying to play with friends who are visiting our house. Those are some of my criteria for basic politeness which I don’t consider being out of reach or a bad idea for any kid.
I’m clearly missing something. Do you raise your kids to be somewhat polite or is that completely out of fashion? Must a polite kid really be equal to a wimp or a pushover?
Our girls are raised to be polite. They always use good manners, even if they are not using their best behavior. In fact, Eieny’s teacher is always telling us how polite she is. She’ll say “if I give her 17 pieces of paper, she’ll say thank you 17 times”. There are many occasions where Einey comes home and tells us she was the only one who said thank you.
And no, they shouldn’t be equal to a wimp or pushover. My girls have very strong personalities and definitely are not one’s to be pushed around.
Coming from the West Cost (WA state) and now living in the Pittsburgh area, I see first hand the differences in raising up kids. Most of the kids around here are like their fathers, who are like their grand fathers who are like their great grandfathers that worked in the steel mills. Rough, don’t take much crap, treat others poorly, especially women.
Our kids seriously stick out in this geographic society. I have been asked THREE times if I yell at my kids. Two adults and one child. I don’t. I constantly get comments from teachers and other kids about how nice my kids are. Kids like being around me because I don’t yell and I speak to them as an adult. I also expect more from them and they usually deliver…..
Not so sure about their parents……anyway, my nice kids have been intimidated by many others because we are not an aggressive family. We fit right in when back in Washington. But here in PA, we are an anomaly. It’s a shame.
Good questions raised. None of which I have a solid answer for. We raise our kids to be polite, always have. Isn’t this part of the golden rule? Do unto others…
I really can’t understand not trying to raise a polite child. I mean, who wants to hang around a brat even if the brat is yours?!
I can’t imagine not raising polite children either. We have had some experiences with brats and demon children, and I can’t fathom what their parents are thinking. I’ve seen children defended for throwing rocks at other children - the father actually threatened my neighbor if she tried to stop his children again or called the police again. Some of these families are just outright scary.
Because of this, we moved to another, supposedly better, neighborhood. But then I found out my son is now being bullied by a boy at the bus stop. Too many people simply aren’t teaching their kids to be nice and polite and get along… but I will never understand why.
We are raising Little Man to be a gentleman, just like we both were. I am always more shocked when I see children with no manners. There is a huge difference between formal etiquette and basic politeness.
I never understood the whole concept of “manliness” = crude and rough. I grew up in military family and manners were always part of being a good man. Manners were a sign of respect others as well as yourself.
We have drilled our daughter on saying please and thank you. She does it most of the time. However, if she doesn’t say it, she doesn’t get the item (even if it means that I walk out of the dry cleaners with a screaming child who was not allowed to get the expected sucker). I was surprised to learn from the lady who cuts my daughter’s hair that iner her experience, most kids do not say “thank you” when she brings them a balloon after the hair cut.
we get that our child is polite all the time - we correct her when shes not on the ball- we expect please/thank you/excuse me/ as the default - we do not allow sharp tones with people, especially grown ups at all
we think it is to be expected - how can you have polite adults if not polite kids. somepeople expect that when their kid hits a certian age they’ll just be polite.. doesn’t work like that.. and they’ll find out..
My kids are polite. Rude, bratty children are not tolerated in my house. I don’t let other kids act that way there either.
Both girls are in no way weak or pushovers. You should see them on the soccer field or the basketball court! That is the only time they are officially “allowed” to steal from another kid.
I like polite kids. I raised my kids to be polite. My kids are polite.
They sometimes are annoyed, especially when we force another “My friend and me” upon them instead of “Me and my friend”, but they will be happy with it when they grow older.
I’m sure it’s the way to go.