The Spears Family Disaster
AdventureDad | March 5
If you’re alive and breathing you’ve read about the Spears family disasters. Britney’s breakdown, a disaster marriage, her mental illness, the court order not allowing Britney to see her young children, and recently the news about her 16-year old sisters pregnancy. Like most people, I have more respect for a random stranger than anyone in the Spears family but I find the whole situation interesting out of a parenting perspective. Especially considering Lynne Spears, the mother, book about parenting has been postponed and will probably never be published. That would suggest her parenting has been a failure leaves a lot to be desired.
I’m of the belief that you can blame or credit me for anything concerning my children. Regardless if my kids are 3 or 30, I’ll take all blame/credit for all their actions. Forget about the paparazzi hysteria, what Britney is or isn’t wearing, and who’s the father of Jamie’s child. What about parenting? Are we seeing a failure as a parent or is this stuff that could happen to any great and responsible parent?
I think it’s easy to dismiss the whole Spears family as complete losers and just make fun of them. But to me their situation also offers a great parenting opportunity and how to talk to our kids.
Britney’s case is complex. Fame, money, bad advisor’s, drugs, mental illness, and seemingly not caring about her own children. Being her parents can’t have been an easy job. A parent can do an outstanding job but what happens if there’s mental illness involved? If a parent suspects mental illness, what’s the right approach? NYT has previously written a series about this that might be helpful. And regardless of how well a child is raised, money and fame often leads to a change (to the worse) in behavior. Is it reasonable to believe a child can be taught “the basics” at an early age and resist the disastrous temptations? I believe so.
My own opinion is that fame, money, and drugs can quickly make a person forget how to approach life. But I still believe a parent can build a great relationships at a young age to make sure these difficult issues can be discussed. My own approach is to build a close bond at an early age. I’ve taken a total of 12 months of paternity leave so far with my two young kids. Our relationship is great right now but I believe the greatest benefits will be seen in 10-20 years. I really hope we then can discuss serious issues openly.
I could see the writing on the wall with Britney many years ago and I’m sure you could as well. She seemed very young to be pushed so hard and the combination of sex symbol, she always wore as little clothes as possible, and abstinence seemed weird to me. I think a parent should coach a young star a little better. Too much success early on often leads to bad things. And going for only sex appeal might be a short term career boost but the long run implications don’t seem great. I always got the impression Britney maybe wasn’t pushed but there seemed to be nothing or no one trying to slow down her fast rising career. Would things have been different with a more careful approach?
Forget about Britney for a minute. Her sister is now pregnant at the young age of 16. To me this would be the ultimate nightmare as a parent although others might feel differently. So what’s the right thing to do? 16 is very young to become a parent but I think lots of support is the only way to go forward regardless of what decision is made regarding he baby.
When I was 17 years old and got a girlfriend I desperately wanted her to stay over at my house (read my parents house). My parents said that was no problem but they had one condition. They wanted us to take precautions to avoid getting pregnant. Me and my girlfriend both thought that sounded reasonable, we sure weren’t ready to get pregnant, and thought getting on the pill was a good idea. This was something I remembered for the rest of my life, I always had pregnancy in mind when I was with a girl and swore I would not have kids until I was ready. Which is why I luckily waited an additional 20 years to become a father.
I don’t know if Jamie Spears mother tried to avoid teenage pregnancy but I would assume so. Being a mother at age 16 is incredibly young. It sounds like she has a wider perspective on things that most girls that age but still, how much do you really know at 16 years of age? What about getting an education, having fun, and keeping the relationship together? This is not easy without a child and almost impossible while being pregnant this early. The Spears family money will surely help a lot but the stats for teenage pregnancies show it’s a difficult situation. By the way, is teenage pregnancy really a failure? Is getting pregnant at age 16 always unwanted?
To me, the Spears family is a parenting failure. Regardless of circumstances I think a 25 year old who’s not allowed to see her kids and a pregnant 16 year old is a bad track record. Will I do any better? I sure hope so or I will consider myself a failure as a father.
Today I find it more common for parents to take less responsibility and instead blame others for perceived failures. Can the Spears situation be blamed solely on media, money, drugs, and fame or do the parents play a larger role?
In regards to teenaged pregnancy: It is the parents fault. Specifically the fathers fault. A father main goal as a parent is to safeguard his daughter(s). A father is someone who needs to understand and contemplate but show guidance and dissuade the misleading wishes/desires of his child. A father must stand firm to shelter, guard and care for his daughter(s). Sure some cultures say a girl is a woman by age 16 and is capable of the mental and physical demands of birth and raising a baby. But not my daughters, not at 16, no way. I’ll be there for my girls, I’ll be the strict dad, because that is how fathers should act, that is what fathers need to do, show your daughters you love them by protecting them and don’t let your 16 year old child run you over with guilt or emotional outcry. Be a father and do what fathers should do which is protect their daughter(s).
Well, I sort of agree with Aaron, but in a slightly different fashion. I remember reports back from when Brittney was sill considered a pop-tartlet, and the stories about the overbearing and near hysterical rantings of her mother/manager.
Many people (especially here in the insanely puritanical U.S.), choose to do their “protecting” by burying their heads in the sand. You want to protect your children, of course, but you can’t watch them every single minute, and when hormones start raging, you want them to have good information. “Promising” to remain a virgin until marriage is a sweet gesture, and if you can get your daughter to do it, fantastic, but… you can say “that is what I did to protect her.” She needs to know about sex, and birth control, and responsibility. She needs the information, given to her in a way that is not harsh and thus ignored. Yes abstinance is best (I am trying to reinforce this to avoid the hate comments), but if she is going to do it anyway (and like it or not, you really do not have control over this), then you want her making wise choices.
In simpler terms, being an overbearing nutcase may keep them at bay for a while, but they are not learning anything from it. The best thing a parent can do is be the best “teacher” their kids have, so you can give them as much knowledge, and the tools to use it, as possible, so that in the end, you trust them to do the right thing. And even if they don’t, the consequences are not as severe.
I know that when I was growing up rich and famous…oh wait…Sorry, that was Ricky Schroeder, the boy I WANTED to be growing up…
Anyway, you gotta put it on both sides. Who pushed Britney into the spotlight at what 15-16 years of age? How old was she when she did that first “school girl” sexpot video? I mean come on! Can’t blame the media for that; they aren’t the ones who took her to the recording studio. Why didn’t her parents (dad) step in and say, “Hey, she’s 16 years old and I don’t want 50 year old pervs looking at her that way.”
But I’ve also seen firsthand what drugs will do to a normally good person.
Spread the old blame around. That’s where it’s deserved.
I found this blog to be really judgemental. All based on what you’ve read in the press. Have you ever spoken to Britney or her family that you can make such sweeping statements that MENTAL illness is ‘parenting failure’. And to say that an unplanned teenage pregnancy is a sign of parenting failure - my word, there have been 30 year olds who have had unplanned pregnancies - but as you said, you’ll take the credit/blame for your kids ‘forever’.
I guess it’s easy to say these kind of things when the children under your control are toddlers, I have a funny feeling you’ll be singing a different tune when they’re teenagers and the 12 months parternity leave you spent with them has no bearings on their actions.
huh, that’s funny… I’m pretty sure he didn’t say that mental illness is parenting failure… I dunno, sometimes I like to read the posts before commenting. But that’s just me.
And I’m also pretty sure that while tennagers are difficult, that doesn’t make toddlers easy. While I may not agree with all of his statements, your last statement pretty much insinuates that spending time with your kids has no affect on your kids. All I can say is woahhhhhhh
Brit, Brit… of course I don’t think you have your head on straight. alas, I knew after your first album that you were going straight to teenage he** and thus is worse in HollyHood. I think things would be very different for you had you not been pushed into the spotlight at such a tender age. Growing up in the public eye is never easy, even if you plan to avoid the drinking and drugs. If your parents insisted on you being famous, they should have held on tight to you.
Of course our kids are not always going to do what we say. But hopefully when problems arise, and they find themselves in situations we told them not to get in, they’ll be able to take responsibilty and make good choices due to their wonderful parents.
It does seem like the young stars with the most difficulties are the one’s who’s parents most want to be stars themselves. When the parents are more concerned with the money and the looks and the fame, they are not looking out for their kids.
Its so easy to fool ourselves and say, “But the kid wants to do this,” forgetting our influenceover our kids. I am not famous and neither are my kids. If I ask them if they want to play soccer, I get no monetary compensation for it. But if they think I want them to play, they are more likely to say yes. Even when I give them an out, they are more likely to say yes.
I’m not sure about the parent as the one ulitmately responsible arguement though. Does that mean my parents are still to blame for my actions today? If I do well at work, should my boss call my parents? If I run a red light, should my parent’s pay the ticket? I kind of lean the other way, actually. I think we live in a culture of absolution. We are no longer called upon to be responsible for our actions. We have addictive personalities, or were mentally abused by our parents, or are high on too much coffee, or anything except wrong. People are quick to say sorry, but slow to take responsibilty. If the mayor of New York does not resign, that would be a perfect examplt of what I mean. He says sorry, but its lip service with no consequences or remorse or responsibilty behind it.
It does seem like the young stars with the most difficulties are the one’s who’s parents most want to be stars themselves. When the parents are more concerned with the money and the looks and the fame, they are not looking out for their kids.
Its so easy to fool ourselves and say, “But the kid wants to do this,” forgetting our influenceover our kids. I am not famous and neither are my kids. If I ask them if they want to play soccer, I get no monetary compensation for it. But if they think I want them to play, they are more likely to say yes. Even when I give them an out, they are more likely to say yes.
I’m not sure about the parent as the one ulitmately responsible arguement though. Does that mean my parents are still to blame for my actions today? If I do well at work, should my boss call my parents? If I run a red light, should my parent’s pay the ticket? I kind of lean the other way, actually. I think we live in a culture of absolution. We are no longer called upon to be responsible for our actions. We have addictive personalities, or were mentally abused by our parents, or are high on too much coffee, or anything except wrong. People are quick to say sorry, but slow to take responsibilty. If the mayor of New York does not resign, that would be a perfect examplt of what I mean. He says sorry, but its lip service with no consequences or remorse or responsibilty behind it.
When I a teen, my youth pastor told us:
“Boys give love to get sex. Girls give sex to get love.”
I love on my kids to make sure they don’t do the above. We talk often, play often. I want my daughter to know, that I love her so she doesn’t have to go elsewhere and give sex to get the love that I should be giving her.
Excellent post. *stumbles*