Thoughts From 6 Months On Paternity Leave
AdventureDad | February 27“Daddy, I need to pee”
“No problem, we’ll just go to the bushes at the edge of the playground”
Daddy pulls down pants and steers pee in the right direction.
“Daddy, I need to poop as well”
“Ok, no problem, we’ll be home in a couple of minutes. Let me just grab your sister who’s sleeping in the carriage.”
“No Daddy……, I already pooped”
Daddy looks down in son’s pants and happily finds almost nothing.
“No worries, it was a small poop”
“No Daddy, it was a very large poop”
“??”
Daddy looks down in son’s underwear and finds nothing. Then Daddy looks down in his right shoe and finds one whole pound of diarrhea. I walk home with son naked from waist down, daughter crying, and with only one shoe. Welcome to my first day on paternity leave.
Luckily this was not my first time on paternity leave, I also used 6 months just over two years ago so I wasn’t worried. I knew everything would be fine. But it sure is a change from a regular job. Below are a few of thoughts that crossed my mind during this time:
-Attitude: Fathers who approach paternity leave like time off never get close to their kids. I’ve never seen a successful father with this casual attitude. And I’ve never seen anything but superb fatherhood among those who approach it seriously.
- Tupperware rocks: I’m not kidding. This stuff is so much better than the cheap containers. Stuff stays fresh forever and never leaks. Favorite items are expandable containers, wine opener, Lil’ chopper, and sandwich keeper.
-Comments: Fathers are obviously clueless. Most common comment from fathers (especially foreigners) “Six months on paternity leave? Must feel great to have such a long vacation, what are you going to do with all that time?” All mothers say “Six months of paternity leave? That’s great! It will be tough at times but you will get very close to the children”. Mothers rock.
-Stress: Thankfully I enjoy stress. How much stress could two kids really be? For the past 14 years I’ve been a Wall Street type trader. No breaks, breakfast and lunch on plastic plates in front of six screens while doing five other things, and obscene levels of stress. Staying home with two kids is still much tougher.
-Working Out: Paternity leave means lots of time for exercise. Older son has been at day care part time, the little one takes naps throughout the day which are perfect for a run with the carriage or she sleeps in carriage at gym front desk. Six workouts a week is no problem.
-Older Sibling: The key to a fine running household is not the infant, it’s the older sibling. If he/she doesn’t cooperate things get very difficult. Thankfully, that has been no problem.
-Baby Björn and MBUD: Things I can’t live without. The Baby Björn Active is phenomenal and the Mountain Buggy Urban Double is too good to be true. Fits through all doors, no problems on bus or subway, toys with sand and deep snow, and I can even go running with my two kids in it.
-Winter Clothing: Buy Reima and your kids won’t get sick. Crawling through mud, sitting in slush, or laying down in snow is no worries with this Gortex stuff. Simply outstanding.
-Force Feeding: Don’t do it, it doesn’t work. It might seem like a good idea but it’s a short term panic fix. I see some mothers, almost exclusively Latin, forcing their kids to eat for stupid reasons. Their kids are not underweight, but mothers won’t leave the kids alone. No wonder they don’t enjoy food, it’s a real pain to observe.
-Patience: Kids are great but they also wear you down. If you’re not patient, paternity leave will be very challenging. Good wine seems to help somewhat…..
-Be Prepared: After being stuck one day with two hungry and naggy kids and no food nearby I took drastic action. Nowadays I never leave home without enough food, drink, and snacks in the cooler to last a complete day. We still eat out often but if we don’t find anything we like, kids will still be fed.
-Time management: One child is very easy, two is more than twice as hard. Without good routines and a little planning, the household will quickly turn into chaos.
-It’s a privilege: Being able to stay home 18 months, be fully paid, and get an amazing start with your children is a right here but it should be seen as a privilege. Many unfortunately forget parenting in other countries is far more challenging.
Lucky you. But you forgot to mention the most important fringe benefit — you get all the hugs, giggles, smiles and gurgles you otherwise would have missed.
Enjoy!
It always works out that way does it? The poop..I mean. Mine is usually in the afternoon when I think he’s pooped all he’s going to and I go with the boys down the big, long hill to the park.
Sigh…
Six months though huh? I don’t think my wife could even do THAT!
-Chris
Good advices. I’m looking at a couple of months of paternity leave and am looking forward to it. If I’m being completely honest, there was a fair bit of anticipating taking it easy. The more time I spend with the boy on the weekend, that dream is rapidly dissolving.
I got 2 weeks which wasn’t enough time really.
I still can’t get over the six months time off.
And I thought I was lucky getting 3 weeks.
I just found your blog. This post made me wish I could take it to one of my husband’s climbing buddies here in Canada. He gets several months of paternity leave, taking it in 3-4 month increments during the first year of each child’s life. But instead of hanging with his kiddos and actually doing special things with them, what I usually hear about are the endless trips he takes to go mountaineering, ice climbing, etc. He’s a nice guy, but geez, he’s missing out on a phenomenal opportunity with his kids. Granted, I only see a part, and hear about all the times he invites my husband to go climbing during his “time off”. His wife must have the patience of Job.
BTW, the poop story had me cracking up. I’m still laughing, in fact. Don’t you love the adventures of being a parent?!
Amen to all of this.
I am a staunch advocate of what I call “Fully Participatory Fatherhood”
Dads rock!