Please, Don’t Talk to My Kid
Keith | February 4Here at the Blogfathers we are not afraid of dissecting other people’s parenting. Hell, a few of us have been known to condemn some of the more egregious parenting blunders. It’s all in an effort to be helpful and to get parents, including ourselves, to have a broader view of the varying opinions that surround raising kids. None of us are perfect at parenting,or in general. That said, some parents are morons.
Last week my son took a gifted and talented test (we will not get the results for a couple of months - I’m just glad that he was able to get through it). My wife and I put out a lot of effort trying to keep it breezy, while still communicating our expectations to our son, in the days leading up to the exam. Part of that effort was not calling it an exam or test at all. We simply told him that he’d be asked some questions, and complete some puzzles and riddles. He has a lifetime to be stressed about taking tests; no need to start the anxiety at four years old.
I’ll have to admit that I didn’t go to the testing site because I was working. (Plus we know that my boy performs better with the full undivided attention of one parent.) But the report that I got back from my wife was disturbing enough to share. Some parents were asking other people’s kids how they liked the idea of taking a test. They were asking the little ones if they were ready to take the “big” exam. These thoughtless individuals didn’t know how these potentially-overwhelmed kids were prepared for the test, and therefore shouldn’t have made such comments. What if they were already internalizing their parent’s anxiety? That feeling could have been compounded if they were forced to deal with the stranger reminding them that the test was big and important.
Please, don’t talk to my kid.
Also, there were parents, like my wife, who were busy trying to keep their kids calm and happy before the test by playing quietly and reading. So why were other parents allowing their kids to walk up to children who were reviewing flash cards, reading, drawing, and talking to their mothers and fathers. One such child asked my son if he would share his scarf as the mother looked on in quasi horror before stepping in. My son didn’t need that kind of aggravation at that moment.
All I’m saying is that there are times when people should just keep their mouths shut, and keep to themselves.
I guess I don’t get it. You are taking your 4 year old to a test - but no one should mention that it is a test? I guess I’d recommend not taking him to a test if you think that the mere mention of the word “test” is going to cause undo stress.
At our school (public K-4, West TN) the children don’t mingle with one another before the I.Q. testing. My then Kindergartener was nonchalantly taken from class and given the test, alone, by one teacher.
My older daughter wasn’t tested until 3rd grade and had a better idea of what was going on. She had the “advantage” of having taken the state standardized test for the last 3 years, so she realized it was a test.
What did you get out of having him take the test?
You will see this also if your son plays sports. BJ plays kindergarten basketball and some parents feel the need to coach other people’s children during the game. I had one guy yell instructions to my son during a game and I went over to him looked him in the eye and told him that the coach and I didn’t need anymore help. If he wants to offer encouragement then fine, but worry about his own kid and leave mine alone. Needless to say, I lost some friends that game, but some people don’t realize what they are doing and need friendly (harsh) reminders.
hee hee…kinda blows a hole in that “it takes a village” belief doesn’t it?
I think your family has a great attitude towards this. I’m amazed of how clueless some parents can be. Like you said, there will be plenty of time to worry about tests in high school and college. Must one start during the toddler years? How important can an “exam” possibly be that early in a child’s life?
AD
I’m sort of with you on this one. What you’re saying is that there are situations where you need clean results from various tests. Just as you wouldn’t want to commingle blood samples when testing for “the right stuff” in a NASA astronaut program, similarly, you would want clean results from any psychological tests.
But I think you’re barking at the wrong people (though I agree that bark you must in such situations). The real problem is with the professionals in this situation. *They* are the ones who enabled the parents and kids to interact with other kids and parents. Obviously they didn’t really think things through, and I would talk with them about it. If you don’t get a satisfactory answer from them, I’d look for a second testing organization and see if they have a better pre-test, test and post-test methodology.
You’re a paying client, yes? When we had our son tested, it was completely private - just him and the tester. My wife and I, who only have his best interests at heart, had to leave for the duration of the test, thus reducing confounding variables to a minimum.
What do you think?
- Bal
At our school GATE ( Gifted and Talented Exams) are given to children after a parent form is sent asking for their permission and offering advice not to make a big deal of it and then they are pulled out of class in small groups to take the exam…no parents are there.
I think that it’s unrealistic in the environment you described for there to be much peace and quiet. They are, after all, four year olds. It’s not really in their DNA to stay away from other kids or sit quietly in a roomful of kids for any amount of time. If calm and happy is the desired effect, then a testing site that doesn’t have mingling would be better.
Do you really think that your child would be overwhelmed or unusually stressed by the test to the point that an adult talking about it would unhinge him? If so, why bother? I think that at four years old, a lot of angst around this kind of thing comes from the parents caring too much about the result.