I’m “That Guy”
Mitch McDad | October 1A recent conversation/argument with a friend turned into a bet between us. What is the bet? Well, I made a bold statement that I will NEVER sit outside a supermarket with my kids selling Girl Scout cookies, or candy bars, or coupon books, or any fund raising products deemed appropriate for shopper extortion. My friend scoffed and predicted my
golf game will fall extinct one day due to my countless hours sitting behind a folding table covered in boxed cookies.
Now I’m the first one to say “never say never.” In fact, the more adamant you are about a statement, the more likely that you are wrong about that very statement, in my opinion. But I’m here to say right now that I will NEVER ever sell cookies. Why? Well, mainly because I was chest bumping so hard about it during our conversation that we ended up making the aforementioned bet, and now I’m boxed in so deeply that I can’t turn back. But how did this all start? This all started from us laughing at how I became that guy. That guy that I always laughed at as a single man. That guy dragging mounds of gear down the beach like a sunscreened pack mule. That guy banging people on the head carrying a diaper bag, a car seat, and a kid down the airplane aisle. That guy completely losing all sense of athletic ability because I just don’t have the energy. That guy looking at a mini-van in the parking lot and thinking, “ah, it ain’t so bad.” But I’m NOT going to be that guy outside the supermarket. That I vow.
So how am I going to avoid this fate? Easy. I’ve ceased any and all contributions to my girls’ college accounts and am redirecting these modest funds to my new “cookie slush fund.” (Don’t tell my family members. They will remain believing their money gifts for birthdays and such will continue to contribute to my girls future education.) Since my girls are 2 and 4, I figure by the time they reach the age of cookie solicitation, I will be able to simply “write a check” whenever such occasions arise. Sure, I’ll ended up with a pantry full of Thin Mints. And, sure, my girls will be forced to rely on their athletic prowess to attend their college of choice (which thus far doesn’t seem very likely based on the fact that they close their eyes when the try to catch.) But, I AM going to win my bet.
And what do I win when I win this bet? Good question. We never got that far. We just bet. But I’m a man, and when it comes to bumping our chests and throwing down gauntlets, we don’t need reasons and we don’t need rewards, we just need to prevail. And I will prevail. And I will NEVER participate in cookies sales. EVER.
See you at the supermarket.
nice day!
If the bet is that you will NEVER sell cookies IN FRONT OF A SUPERMARKET, may I suggest that standing outside of a bowling alley on league day is a great way to fill your quota.
Go ahead and spend that money on cookies! My father is taking classes in financial advisement, and he actual advised me against saving for my son’s college. Why? Because you can take out loans for college, but you can’t take out loans for your retirement. And, with the low interest rates for student and parent education loans, you would be crazy not to max out your IRA (or whatever retirement fund you have) instead of putting money into college savings, which may actually work against you when you apply for financial aid…
Blah blah blah Thin Mints blah.
Don’t laugh, we’ve never had our kids participate in any door-to-door or grocery store sales events either. I can’t even imagine how many checks we’ve written to avoid having to turn our little kids into vacuum cleaner salesmen on the weekend. I hate those kinds of solicitations. Yuk!
Cookie slush fund. Classic. Its all about W’s baby. Don’t lose this one man. Even if it just means the other dad has to hang the letter L somewhere on his fridge for a year and u get a W just get her done. If you get called up to do it and no one else will (be that guy) get a sub, call in an uncle or brother-in-law out of the bull pen. This is as good as won. Stay tough.
I like a man with a plan! Stick to your guns, whatever the cost. You can’t NOT win this one!
There is always internet sales. I am fond of Samoas myself.
I’ll take a box of those peanut-buttery-things and a box of those cookies-with-the-chocolate-and-coconut-sprinkle-jobbies.
(Oh and then I’ll live the whole that guy conundrum when I get back into my car — which is now outfitted with a car seat, a stickon windowshade with bears and rainbows all over it, and a teddy bear with a mirror embedded in his stomach strapped to the back seat — and hand the box over to my wife, who’s been sitting inside and won’t buy cookies from you because she doesn’t want people to know she’s become that lady.)
You’re done, dude!
Take this from a man who always said very similar things… who is now the “camping master” for a troop of Brownies, who sells those friggin’ cookies out in front of Borders/bowling alley/video stores, etc…
You know why you’ll do it? Because you are a good man who wants to be supportive of his daughters. Accept it now, you’ll feel better about it. If this doesn’t make sense to you, I leave you with this: When the Mrs sees you doing this stuff without haveing to be pressured about it, you’ll get majorly laid.
Amazing comment.
I think you will read my diary..
Bye