The Blogfathers

A recent conversation/argument with a friend turned into a bet between us. What is the bet? Well, I made a bold statement that I will NEVER sit outside a supermarket with my kids selling Girl Scout cookies, or candy bars, or coupon books, or any fund raising products deemed appropriate for shopper extortion. My friend scoffed and predicted my golf game will fall extinct one day due to my countless hours sitting behind a folding table covered in boxed cookies.

Now I’m the first one to say “never say never.” In fact, the more adamant you are about a statement, the more likely that you are wrong about that very statement, in my opinion. But I’m here to say right now that I will NEVER ever sell cookies. Why? Well, mainly because I was chest bumping so hard about it during our conversation that we ended up making the aforementioned bet, and now I’m boxed in so deeply that I can’t turn back. But how did this all start? This all started from us laughing at how I became that guy. That guy that I always laughed at as a single man. That guy dragging mounds of gear down the beach like a sunscreened pack mule. That guy banging people on the head carrying a diaper bag, a car seat, and a kid down the airplane aisle. That guy completely losing all sense of athletic ability because I just don’t have the energy. That guy looking at a mini-van in the parking lot and thinking, “ah, it ain’t so bad.” But I’m NOT going to be that guy outside the supermarket. That I vow.

So how am I going to avoid this fate? Easy. I’ve ceased any and all contributions to my girls’ college accounts and am redirecting these modest funds to my new “cookie slush fund.” (Don’t tell my family members. They will remain believing their money gifts for birthdays and such will continue to contribute to my girls future education.) Since my girls are 2 and 4, I figure by the time they reach the age of cookie solicitation, I will be able to simply “write a check” whenever such occasions arise. Sure, I’ll ended up with a pantry full of Thin Mints. And, sure, my girls will be forced to rely on their athletic prowess to attend their college of choice (which thus far doesn’t seem very likely based on the fact that they close their eyes when the try to catch.) But, I AM going to win my bet.

And what do I win when I win this bet? Good question. We never got that far. We just bet. But I’m a man, and when it comes to bumping our chests and throwing down gauntlets, we don’t need reasons and we don’t need rewards, we just need to prevail. And I will prevail. And I will NEVER participate in cookies sales. EVER.

See you at the supermarket.

Family Fun!