Daddy’s Day?
Child's Play x2 | August 24Today is the third day in a row that my kids have had to stay home from daycare due to a cold. My daughter Swee’Pea is not quite ready to go back but is strong enough for a short outing - just to say we got out of the house. TheMonk has to go along too. Which is just fine with him as long as it involves food.
We head to Panera where Daddy can get some coffee, a cardiac seizing cinnamon roll, and a muffin top for the twins to share.
As I head into the store, it’s fairly quiet and I have to hold Swee’Pea in my arms as she’s gotten into one of her “shy” spells while TheMonk starts to roam the wide-open lobby. Somehow I manage to order our food while keeping TheMonk nearby. It’s at this time that the young lady behind the counter says, “Ah, it’s Daddy’s day with the kids, huh?”
I was immediately struck by this statement. That because I was out with my kids without a maternal unit close by, that this must be “Daddy’s Day.” A special, once-in-a-blue-moon type of day. I’ll be it’s a safe bet that she never asks a Mother who’s by herself with her kids if it’s “Mommy’s Day.”
After further thinking, it’s a Friday morning. Did she assume that I am a divorced father who has just received the kids for the weekend? Or was it a more innocuous, “I never see Dads with their kids” kind of statement?
Either way, I replied, “It’s ALWAYS Daddy’s day with the kids.” And I smiled.
I guess it bothers me that many times (not always) fathers either get vilified for not embracing fatherhood (and sometimes deservedly so) or we get way too much credit for doing things that should be done every day - changing a diaper, feeding the kids, taking them out in public.
I guess we have a ways to go.
Somewhere on the internets in a long forgotten comment box is my rant on this. I get that often, though not as much as I did when Thing 2 was brand new.
What the hell, haven’t people ever seen a man with children before?
I also hear that often. Apparently seeing kids out with Dad is like some sort of alien phenomenon that people have never seen before and therefore people aren’t sure how to act towards it.
Drives me batty…
Although I never hear that statement in gender equal Sweden I know exactly what you mean. Here, I see almost as many fathers being out with the kids as mothers. I think the statement is stupid but I’m not surprised at all. On average I’m horribly disappointed by fathers involvement with the kids and household.
I would estimate that for majority of fathers, the mother takes care of 90% (if not more) of children and household duties. The father could not take the kids for a full day, including morning and evening outline, without LOTS of help.
It’s really sad to see and in most countries I don’ see fathers behavior changing to the better.
You’re right, we have a long way to go. That’s why we blog. Nothing irks me more than the type of situations you just described. We’re dads everyday. You should have told her that those weren’t your kids, and that they were just some kids you picked up at the house you burglarized last night.
I think your reply was the best. Non confrontational yet got to the point. Unfortunately, with the rate of divorce and lack of committment from both genders in parenting, the young person in your post probably *did* assume you had a part time roll, and *was* impressed with your committment to them.
As a child of *several* divorces, this wasn’t a shock to me. However I was shocked when, at each pregnancy, I was asked if I planned “to keep it”. Again, society, where the norm is “if it doesn’t fit, toss it.”
Perhaps the answer is to begin again, to see marriage, family, parenting, children and life in general as valuable commodities, instead of things that are on the same level as last years jeans. The fathers here, on this blog, are and can be the examples.
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