Promises made forgotten
Kemp | August 21
“Television: Mother, Father, Secret Lover” – Homer J. Simpson
How many of you remember anything you said before you had kids? More specifically, how many of you remember those delusions of grandeur you always had about being a parent.
Like statements you made to anyone that would listen like: “My child will never act like that!” or “My child will be getting all ‘A’s in school” or “My child will always listen to what I say or ask.”
Uh-huh…
And then there’s this old chestnut; “My child won’t sit in front of that television a lot.”
Hmmmmmmmm…
Think about it; before you had kids, you would see other people’s children sitting in front of the television and you swore to yourself that there was no way your children were going to fall into that trap.
Oh thee… of little faith… as one day you see yourself caving in…
To put it another way, let’s say for example that one day your children are screaming and biting and devastating tearing up the house hour after hour after house… like Ives in “The Great Escape”, you’re close to cracking… you’re pulling out your hair, developing a twitch or, worse yet, writing a blog…you’re desperate for a moment of silence or, at the least, toned-downess (it’s a word if I use it).
Then you have an epiphany… and you push a button and, almost instantaneously, these same little demonios angels freeze… their mouths gape, cut off mid-scream, and they ever so slowly sink to the floor where they remain motionless for as long as the magic box glows its magnificent effervescent hue…
(in the interest of full disclosure, we do not yet have a ‘magnificent’ hue as I do not yet have an HD. LCD or Plasma set… so to answer your question; yes – donations for an updated TV are welcomed)
And when I say motionless, I mean Mo. Tion. Les.. They’re like a statue, it’s almost too perfect… and then you realize something… you realize that those so-called “high parenting standards” you had before they were born have disappeared faster than a beer at a baseball game…
You try to rationalize and soothe your conscience by editing their viewing content and only allow them to watch shows that are “kid-friendly” like Disney’s Playhouse, ‘The Suite Life of Zach & Cody’, ‘Hannah Montana’, & ‘High School Musical’… (I know, I know… my kids have fallen under the power of The Evil Empire… I blame my wife…)
But deep down… deep down you know for a fact that you would let them watch “Animal House” if it was the only thing on and was guaranteed to quiet them down… battling your conscience by saying: “It’s okay, it has singing in it, they love singing!”
You have failed. You are now one of ‘those’ parents.
But hey, at the very least you’ve failed peacefully.
What promises did you, the reader, make before you had kids that quickly dissolved once they were actually born? Inquiring minds, and by inquiring minds I mean me, want to know…
Pshaw - Bossy has lost all memory of such comments. Along with her pride and respectability. And her honor and her perky boobs.
one of my first memories when we had our first kid was breaking a “promise” within a week of his being born. I always said that my child would never have a soother or a dummy or a pacifier or whatever you want to call it. I always thought that they looked stupid, that it was a cop-out by parents that just wanted their kids to shutup and not engage with them, and that it ruined the kid’s teeth.
Well - all it took was 3 days. He was up late at night and just wouldn’t settle. Being new parents, we had no idea what to do. We, of course, thought the kid was broken and maybe we should send him back. Then, I sheepishly dunked my index finger into his mouth. Ahhhhhh….total silence. Sleep followed 5 minutes after. I was conflicted about what this meant as I went to sleep myself.
The next morning I woke up and unashamedly went to the baby store to buy a gross of pacifiers and never looked back.
You make it sound as if Animal House is a bad show for my kids (ages 3, 7, 10, 12, and 19) to be watching!?!?
(looking both ways over my shoulders, and raising my eyebrows)
It isn’t… Is it?
I guess I always considered it “college prep”, and therefore “educational”..
Great entry!! I love it!!
We said we’d never let our kid sleep with us. Unfortunately, he joins us in bed around 3 a.m. every morning.
Almost 9 years into this raising kids thing, and I think I’ve probably broken all of my “I’ll never” statements. It’s been so long, however, that I can’t remember what any of them were.
[…] Especially enjoyable at the top of the page was a piece on how we all say our kids won’t watch too much TV… but as soon as we face the wrath of children hopped up on sugar (or whatever other artificial colour or flavour has been slipped into their food supply) , you’ll do just about anything for peace and quiet. […]
Candy. “My kid will not taste a single grain of refined sugar until he is at least 5 years old.”
But now… Jelly Bellies are too ideal as bribery material. My kid will do anything within her capabilities for a single bean.
Oh, crap. You’ve been spying on me!
I don’t think I ever said it out loud, but I’m sure I was certain I’d at least TRY to stick with the “No TV Under 2″ thing- you know, since it apparently rots young brains… I must be practically comatose from all the “Price is Right” my mom let me watch…
As I type this, my almost-2-year old is watching his new “Wiggles” video. He’s had Baby Einstein DVD’s since his first Christmas. And the nights I spent when he was a newborn with Jay and Conan? Yeah, that resolution went out the window rather quickly.
But come on… how cute is it that he loves “The Sound of Music” and dances every time there’s music on TV?
This will sound really bad I don’t recall any broken promises so far. We waited a long time to have kids and talked through many aspects of raising a child which I think really helped. We had low, or perhaps realistic expectations, and kind of knew what we wanted and/or were capable of.
And we made no “folish promises” that turned out to be impossible to keep.
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i dont’ think i made any ‘i’ll never…’ promises to myself. but i did think i’d be a more involved parent… you know, nature walks (any walks), trips to interesting places, thinking up fun things to do in the kitchen in the holidays, lots of baking together and bla bla bla. turns out my kid has the attention span of a goldfish on crack. love him to bits, of course, but it makes it hard to DO things with him. most of our summer revolves around a picnic in the yard, which he’ll return to now and again, between screaming off and doing his own thing and me observing.
next time i’ll try harder.
Kemp, I totally agree. I always said no way would the Wiggles make it in my house. Gah, I hated them. When I saw that my then 2 yr old would sit there and not move for 20 minutes? Bring the Aussies on. Also, the guys over at DadLabs were talking about High School Musical and they mentioned The Blogfathers and you in the video. Just thought you would like to know =0)
http://www.dadlabs.com/content/view/310/61/
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Are you interested in adoption search/support group networks? I am a founder of one in the thumb of Michigan. I have written and published a book on www.lulu.com, and have been reunited with my real family.
Type in FOESS on the top right hand search bar on www.lulu.com You can also see me on my myspace page as: Mary Foess or southpaw45hye@yahoo.com
Are you looking for people to go on your show?