How Do You Handle the Misses?
Hygiene Chronicles | July 28Let me first qualify…not the Mrs. I don’t have one of those and even I did, I’d be smart enough not to broach that topic on a blog.
What I mean are the events that you’d love to be there for and should be there for, but just can’t. Tomorrow is my son’s 5th birthday.
Today this is a pirate-themed party with friends and games and cake. Tomorrow he turns five. And then to top it off, his first day of kindergarten is Monday. Could a little boy have a more exciting three days?
And me…I’m sitting here in a hotel room in New Orleans at my company’s annual meeting; feeling slightly guilty as I nominate myself for DC’s absent father program.
Honestly, I know in my heart that my absence won’t make a huge dent in the celebrations. It’s safe to say his 529 plan won’t be diverted into weekly therapy sessions. And if all goes well, he will be so consumed by the weekend’s event that he probably won’t even realize I’m missing.
This won’t be the first or last time. He said “dada” without my being there and I’m sure he’ll lose his first tooth without me. It feels like society (with help from Hallmark) tells you that your main responsibility in life is to be there for these landmarks, but it just can’t always happens.
So rather than make a huge deal about it, I didn’t even address with him. I’ll ask him how everything was afterwards and have him explain all the fun he had. He’ll be so excited to tell me and I will find just as much joy listening to the events as I wold have attending. Well almost.
Have you missed any major events so far in your kid’s life?
Luckily, I haven’t missed any major events. Remember that missing his fifth birthday is more important to you than it is to him. Think back on your own life…do you remember the day you turned five or do you remember how life was generally when you were five? He’ll remember you were around and that you loved him…that’s what’s important.
My parents were at everything when I was a kid. Band concerts, baseball games, open houses — everything. There was really only one significant thing that they both missed, a grand slam I hit in little league. (My mom arrived a couple innings late.) The reason I remember that, though, is because they were there for everything else — and that’s the main thing, isn’t it? Your son might remember that you weren’t there for his fifth birthday, but in doing so he’ll also realize that you were there for everything else.
Pirate themed party, my son would feel right at home! That’s his favorite theme. My son is only 3+ but so far I have not missed any major event. But sometimes it’s a real challenge making it. I think the main thing is to try. Not just pretend but really try.
Sometimes things are just beyond ones control
AD
You crazy parents these days! Don’t get down on yourself, Steve. Both of my parents had to work every major holiday. Only once do I remember getting to open Christmas presents before 3PM because Dad was at work. But they were both there for me when I really needed it…Dad and I talked every evening as he cooked dinner, Mom was always there to take me to gymnastics or cheerleading…and unfortunately, she was there to pick me up from my first non-parent house party when I snuck out (actually, I said I was staying at a friend’s house and then the classic tale of a good-time ruined began).
Hey Steve,
Just wanted to remind you:
You got to see the first steps :)
You took him to his first baseball game…
You were there for his first concert - Eddie From Ohio!
And that first tooth hasn’t come out yet…so we can hope for that! LOL!
Lots of love going out to you, Dad.
See you soon.
One of Corey’s moms.
I think it depends on the kid. I missed a lot of events with my five kids, however, one particular event with one particular kid has never been forgotten or forgiven. And let me tell, every time this kid brings it up, I get the hurt look, the guilt and I know that I am still inthe dog house over that one.
It was one of those where I even asked the kid’s preference. A Jr. High event and I wondered if I would embarrass them to be there, “No, don’t come, just go to work.” with a face that made feel I HAD to stay away. BACKFIRE and 15 years later…still not forgotten. ugh.
Good luck guys.