The Blogfathers

Today is our day. Father’s Day. The Day where everyone bows before our greatness and showers us with electronic gifts and cheap neckwear. Today is the day where our wives snuggle up, our kids act angelic and the day is one of perfect parenting bliss. Right?

Stop laughing.

Seriously, us guys here at The Blogfathers decided it would be cool if we could share with you our thoughts about fatherhood on our special day. So go ahead and read what we have to say. And then visit each of our guys and wish them a happy Father’s Day. Cheap neckwear is optional.

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Childsplayx2
This is my third father’s day. Although to be fair, this is only the second Father’s Day that I remember. Sleep deprivation brought on by week old twins will do that to a man. But in the last two years I have enveloped myself in the warmth of fatherhood. As I reflect on what fatherhood means to me, I am reminded of the following…

• I have to live my life as if I’m being watched - because I am.
• If it’s important to my children, then it better be important to me.
• Dancing with your children without a care in the world is therapuetic.
• Gender roles don’t matter when it comes to being a father.
• That what does not kill, makes you stronger.
• Father’s either get too much credit (ooh, he changes diapers!), or not enough.
• I’m not a father because I want the credit.
• Diaper wipes are the single most utilitarian tool outside of duct tape.
• There’s nothing wrong with having a “Kids” playlist on your iPod.
• Making pancakes in the morning (just me and the kids) makes me feel like a father.
• I’ve got to do better making pony tails.
• Having children is the toughest job I’ll ever have.
• It never really seems that tough.
• This twins thing, though? Yeah, that can be tough.
• Father’s Day is my day? That’s pretty cool.

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Because I’m Your Father
What Fatherhood Means…To Other People

Rather than scribe some lengthy sociopolitical dissertation on what it means to me to be a near middle-aged, straight, white, married father of one, in a post 9/11, 21st Century world, I thought that on this BlogFather’s Day, I would don my cynical fedora to give you the CliffsNotes versions of a few profiles on fatherhood I’ve recently encountered.

It seems that Adrian Grenier’s father was absent for the first 18 years of his life, and poor little Ado didn’t quite know how to feel about it all. So he sought out to reconnect with his old man, and determine what it meant to have a father. During his quest, he learned that his mom had been a 1970s-free-love hippie, who bedded everybody she could find in an Ohio pumpkin patch - it even took a paternity test to confirm whose was the victorious seed. After giving birth, she essentially forced the father out of her life in a (now admittedly) naive effort to prove to the world the she was woman, hear her roar. Adrian and his father eventually met, shared a few fantastically uncomfortable moments, and a few beers, then proceeded to hug it out. The doc unfortunately never really gave a clear answer to what Adrian ultimately decided about having a father. But thankfully, from his mama’s boy ashes, arose the compensated manhood that is our Vince.

Time Magazine recently published an article called The Psychology Of Fatherhood, which takes a look at how human fathers compare, anthropologically speaking, with other creatures on the planet (most notably the Titi Monkey… heh heh, you said Titi). The essay has caused quite a stir in the media and blogosphere, partially due to the perceived criticisms of divorced fathers, but primarily due to a question posed in the first paragraph.

…whether dads–at least as a group–have done a good enough job to deserve the honor (of a Father’s Day Holiday).

Now, I won’t join the fracas, except to say this: Of course we deserve our day, you ninny! Are all dad’s perfect? Of course not. Neither are all moms (I’m looking in your direction Joan Crawford, Kathy Hilton, Britney Spears, Anna Nicole and Lois Griffin). But we celebrate them all regardless, don’t we. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that this idea was posited by a Northern California based female academic/nut-farmer who is seemingly bitter that men can’t endure the nine-months of pregnancy or hoohoo pain of childbirth (sorry ladies, we just can’t). And so I will virtually point the learned Mrs. HasNoVowelInHerLastName to the brilliant Todd Parr’s The Daddy Book for a true celebration of the diverse, wonderful world of Fathers. Also, I found her the perfect Hallmark for Father’s Day.

Finally, I would be remiss if I didn’t address the conclusion to the family saga of a certain Friend Of Ours. While Tony Soprano was most certainly a flawed individual, a terrible husband and father, and a criminal of the worst kind, represented in his fictional character were so many of the same pressures, mistakes, regrets, hopes, dreams and desires that real fathers have to confront every day. Difference, of course, being that most of us don’t have to worry about getting clipped while enjoying a meal with our family at Holsten’s soda-fountain shop. Addio Tony…stammi bene.

By the way, for those of you interested in a little nugget of what being a father means to me, feel free to check out another rare entry over at my joint.

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Poop and Boogies
Observations about being a dad.

While my kid is having a tantrum in a public place, getting “that look” from another father. You know “that look” that is part smile part sigh that says, “I empathize with you. I have been there before and I feel for you, yet I am laughing and grateful that it is not me.”

While at work, with no children in sight, and still spelling out words that would be inappropriate for a kid to hear. For instance you are talking about last night’s game around the water cooler and you say, “Jamie Moyer and the Phils looked like S-H-I-T last night against Kansas City.”

Or having a conversation with the wife and actually spelling out words that are okay for a child to hear just because you are so used to spelling out words. “I have to take the car into the S-H-O-P for B-R-A-K-E-S.”

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LA Daddy
What Fatherhood Means to Me

It sounds cheesy to say it, but I’m trying to be something, or someone, that I never had. Father’s Day was never really important to me when I was growing up. My father died when I was only 6 months old and he was just 43 years old. I always wonder what it would have been like to have known him, talked with him, and to get all that great fatherly advice from him.I got to hear stories about my dad. And constantly hear about how much I looked like him and acted just like he did. Some people would even slip and occasionally call me by his first name. He was apparently a really great man. It’s comforting to know that his blood is flowing through my veins and maybe that will help me live up to his good name in some way.

But now that I have a beautiful daughter and another one on the way, I get to be a Dad! Since I never had the chance to know mine and see how it all works, I’m sort of… winging it. But so far, I’d have to say, I’m doing all right. I hope I can be there for my girls for as long as they need me. I’m getting close to forty and hope I don’t have the same health problems as my father.

But while I’m here, I want to do what I can to bring up my kids and be what I always wanted to have — a dad. And I’m pretty sure that those genes my father passed along to me are kicking in and doing the job he never got to do with me. Doing it real good.

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Dear Little Dude,

It’s father’s day, where’s my present? Oh, you didn’t get me anything? Sweet. Fine. No, it’s cool. No, really. I don’t mind. What, you can’t get to a store or anything? You can’t just go out and pick up a card? What’s the problem, you need a ride? Is that all I am to you is a free ride? Well let me tell you something…you’re right. I’ll be your ride wherever you need to go. I’ll be your ear whenever you need it. I’ll be a friend when you need someone to talk to, and I can be your dad whenever you’d like.

But life isn’t that difficult yet, so let’s stick with what you need right now.

• Need someone to wipe the poo off your butt? You got it.
• Need a ride over to mama? Done.
• Need a blanket wrapped around you? Did it already.
• Need to pee on someone? Aim over here!
• Need to cry for a second? No problem, I’m all ears.
• Is all that crying due to a burp lodged somewhere deep down inside you? Let me pat pat pat it away.

C’mon Little Dude, it’s father’s day. Let’s have some breakfast, go for a walk, do some tummy time, and then we’ll take a nap.

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African American Dad

Nothing that anyone could have said would have prepared me for fatherhood. Sometimes it’s great, filled with love and joy, and all kinds of warm and fuzzy crap. Other times it’s wrought with worries, anxiety, stress, and overall misery because I have no real clue what I’m doing. My kid lost his first tooth and all I could think about was how our new dental plan doesn’t kick-in until July. I purchased a new car this week mostly out of panic over safety questions around my seven year old Hyundai. (Ironically, after a long debate over finances with my wife, all I had to do was look into the brown eyes of my little Devil and I said, “Let’s get a new Hyundai.”) And I’m not even going to get into the prospect of public school in NYC.

For me honesty about parenting is what has saved my sanity; now I feel like I don’t have to sugar coat anything. I can honestly say that having a kid generally complicates life. But I’m so blinded by love for my son that I almost don’t see the complications. At the end of the day to me being a dad means taking the good with the f*&^ed-up, taking a moment to understand how lucky I am, and loving more than I thought possible.

*******************************Kemp’s Blog

“Fatherhood isn’t easy, like motherhood…” - Homer J. Simpson

Ok… maybe that’s not the best way to start this, but it got your attention, didn’t it? I have been a father for five years, three weeks and five days now… and let me say that I love Fatherhood, having said that let it be known that I have far from perfected the craft. But when the call went out for The BlogFathers to describe what Fatherhood means to us, I knew what I was going to say.

Fatherhood is different things to different people… and to me it’s a combination of a lot of different things and can’t be summed up in one word, phrase or paragraph.

Fatherhood is a mix of ecstasy and agony, pride and antipathy…

Fatherhood is the little things… like showing your kids how to hit a ball or ride a bike… how to spell and count… how to whistle…

Fatherhood is the feelings you have in you when your children come running to you when you come home, it’s them giving you a hug and kiss and saying ‘I love you Daddy’ before going to bed…

Fatherhood is being a Dad… and a father.

To put another way I’ll go acronym on being a ‘father’ and bust it out thusly:

F is for the Feelings I have for my children. Unconditional… undying… and unending…

A is for Abstinence. What you will be practicing until you’re at least 30…

T is for Teacher. Something that we must be to our kids in order to teach them what is right and what is wrong. For instance, teaching The PB that the Cubs are wrong and the Cardinals are right… well, that and teaching them the importance of honesty, hard work, knowledge and all that other stuff that my Dad taught me…

H is for Hope. What I as your father have for you and your lives. A hope that you will be happy and healthy and will forever be yourselves…

E is for the Excitement you bring to my life. Whether it is climbing a tree, playing T-Ball, dancing, jumping off a swing or going to school.

R is for Respect. Respect for yourselves, respect for us, respect for your teachers, respect for you your friends, respect for your family and respect for the people that earn it.

Personally, I think fatherhood is constant… it’s always changing. It’s never the same and is always on the move… adjusting and adapting to life and the world around us…

And I wouldn’t trade it in for anything in the world…

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Flagrant Disregard

I believe that all good parents are optimists. Who else would attempt the thankless task of turning 2-year-olds into human beings?

Being a parent means late nights, early mornings, helping with homework, opening the peanut butter, teaching manners, saying no, saying yes, changing diapers, putting yourself second, making time, knowing why, faking it, making it better, setting an example, discipline, worry, happiness, fear, pride, and love.

Sometimes it means going for a glass of water and returning with an arm load of dirty clothes and toys while kicking a giant stuffed pink unicorn down the hall.

It means not only knowing but actually living with the reality that the difference between a child and a hurricane is that hurricanes only last a few days.

I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Happy Father’s day to all of you optimists out there.

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How About Two?
The Meaning of Fatherhood.

I have been doing a little soul searching trying to find an answer to what fatherhood means to me.

There are a hundred ways to ask the question – How has fatherhood changed me?, What is fatherhood?, What makes a good father?, What’s the difference between a daddy and a father?, ad infinitum – but you might as well ask what’s the meaning of life.

In fact, I imagine that if you found the answer to one, you’d have the answer to the other. But that’s neither here nor there and not the point of this post.

The point is that fatherhood, to me, is bigger than just any ol’ answer. It’s the thing that’s been missing from my life; the missing puzzle piece found under the sofa that completes the focal point of the picture.

Even that doesn’t do it justice.

Perhaps Plato said it best in his parable of the cave. I was once chained to the floor of the cave, watching shadows on the wall. I was one of the unwashed masses, a card carrying member of the D.I.N.K. (dual income, no kids) Society.

And I thought I was happy with disposable income and very little responsibility.

But it turns out that true happiness,true meaning in life, (as well as profound sorrow, but there is meaning in that as well) comes from a pair of human beings that can’t walk, talk, feed or dress themselves.

True meaning comes from getting by on less than three hours of sleep a night for weeks at a time; from going to the NICU before and after work; from warming frozen breast milk at three AM; from figuring out how you’re going to pay all the bills, keep food on the table, a roof over your head and still buy that precious outfit that fits The Squeaker perfectly.

The true meaning of fatherhood comes from being peed on.

In exchange for all of this, children give you unconditional love. And love is what it’s all about.

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HAPPY FATHER’S DAY FROM OUR FAMILY TO YOURS!

Male Bondsmen, Mustache Petes