An Inconvenient Poop
Hygiene Chronicles | May 9“Daddy I have to go potty.”
Every time we go somewhere, inevitably these words will come up. It’s not that I’m opposed to letting my son go the bathroom when he’s out. I just hate all the stuff that comes with it.
“Do you really have to go?”
There are certain genes a child gets from his dad and others he gets from his mom. Dad is a little up tight and overly organized. This accounts for our son’s toys having very specific places to reside or the fact that he can only drink from the Spiderman cup.
“I really, really, really have to.”
His mom is more carefree and spontaneous; no situation throws her off guard. She’s free-spirited and loves all that the world has to offer.
(He makes his way into the bathroom and goes directly to a stall.)
“I thought you needed to potty.” “I have to poopie now.”
Crap.
Our son has no qualms about treating public bathrooms like our own. No matter how gross, smelly or waste-filled a stall will be, nothing fazes him. If we let him, he’d sit on anything.
“Look daddy, the floor is all wet and shiny.” “Yes, someone has peed all over it.”
I have often thought about bringing rubber gloves to help wipe down sticky toilet seats, lay some protective barrier and cover the room with plastic-wrap to ensure he doesn’t touch anything.
“Are you pooping?” “Nope, I’m just thinking.” “Well… poop and think later.”
Many times, I often worry that I should have a healthier balance between letting him realize that public bathrooms have some germs and your-dad-would-sooner-risk-rectal-failure-than-poop-outside-the-house. Can I teach him that he needs to not touch things without turning him into Monk?
“What are those things on the wall?” (pause) “Boogers.” “I eat my boogers” “I know… you really should eat healthier snacks.”
I am so thankful for the ability to pee standing up. I’m thankful for the person who invented auto-flush toilets. And I love the person who created sanitized gel. Public bathrooms rank up there with flying.
“I’m done.”
“Don’t jump down; it’s wet. I’ll stand you on the seat to pull your pants up.”
“Why?”
“Because there is peepee all over the floor.”
“Why”
“Becaue someone doesn’t aim very well…or at all.”
“Look, I touched a booger.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t touch anything more. Let’s go wash our hands.”
“OK, I flush first.”
“Don’t. Daddy will hit it with his foot.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s dirty and you shouldn’t touch it.”
“Why”
“Because…let’s go wash our hands.”
We step out of the stall and head to the sink. I go to grab his hands and he’s not behind me.
“Where are you?”
He peeks out of the stall.
“I had to put the seat up.”
I’m not touching him for three days.
I’m pretty laid back with using public bathrooms, but that one grossed me out too. If Clare’s Mom ever saw what some men’s rooms look like she’d never touch me either.
Years ago I was in a ice cream parlor with a friend and her four-year-old. He ever-so-independently went to the restroom alone. After a few minutes he opened the door, which unfortunately opened directly into the eating area, and yelled out, “Someone come wipe my butt!”
Thankfully, with twin daughters, my wife gets the responsibility of taking them to the restroom about 99% of the time,one of the reasons (besides the obvious) is because Mens rooms are usually dirtier than a Fraternity house during rush…
I hate to fill you guys in on a little secret but… women’s bathrooms are not exactly the cleanest either. Some women don’t have great aim when it comes to backing in and attempting to hit the hole while not touching the seat. I would suggest that we all go to Turkish toilets, but just can not imagine that being much cleaner. (it is a hole in the ground)
I have taught my daughter to, no matter what, wash her hands and use a paper towel to open the door etc afterward. Once those hands are clean, they are not to touch anything in the bathroom outside the paper towel.
lol!!! i can TOTALLY relate to this. i am the exact same way. my two year old son actually licked the toilet seat once. i didn’t know how to sanitize his mouth without poisoning him. i felt so disgusted and sick afterwards.
Public restrooms are gross. I expect it at a gas station, but I hate finding it at the Targets and Barnes and Nobles of the world, which I do, and often.
You need a can of Lysol in the diaper bag.
This is great.
That’s why I’m carrying a port-a-potty in the truck from now on.
I don’t understand why dudes have to pee in the toilet (or stall walls) when there’s a urinal right outside. Might as well pee in(on) the bushes.
my 29 yr.old son was just diagnosed with CVID worse case, meaning he has absolutely NO antibodies in his immune system (bubble boy). His dr.’s advice: “You need to become a girl in the most girl sence of the word. Use your feet to open doors, use paper towels to TURN on the faucet (um, because dirty hands usually turn it on and you’ll just pick up more yuck) and then again to turn it off. AVOID touching ANYTHING public…yada yada yada…”
yup, public doors are just as nasty as any toilet out there because people don’t wash after peeing on the floor, wiping boogies on the walls and who knows what else.
(going off to boil myself now)
Love the post! My husband,Chhimi, and I can definitely relate and understand! Although our son is only 13 months, we are potty training him already and now…we may just need to get those “porta-foldable potties” that travel around in the diaper bag instead!!!
Funny, I love the auto faucets, soap and paper towel dispensers. Now we just need a large button you can elbow to open the door so you don’t have to touch the door handle after all those people who don’t wash their hands.
And I thought messy diapers were bad. *sigh*
You know, the thought of potty training just became a lot less appealing.
I’m not sure how to feel about that.
Oh … I am so glad the womans toilets are cleaner than that! Where are you guys hanging out … should pick places with better bathrooms.
My son is six so he has moved on from going in the ladies with me and his sisters and now goes to the men’s on his own. I am always standing outside yelling, “NO, talking to creeps!” It’s warning for the creeps too … just want them to know I waiting out there if they try anything. Bacteria doesn’t bother me as much as weirdos!
Oh, I sooo identify with this post. Fortunately my son is now old enough to take reasonable care of himself in public restrooms, but my daughter… well she’s at a point where she’s too old to take into the gents, but I don’t really trust her to go into the ladies on her own. I will go to quite extraordinary lengths to engineer situations so that I’m unlikely to be faced with that decision.
Once upon a time, our three-year-old decided he had to go while we were in Grand Central Station. My husband dutifully headed off toward the bathrooms, returning a while later with a traumatized expression and a very damp child. It seems our small investigator had LICKED a sink (thank goodness not a urinal!), and had then been rinsed to the fullest extent possible (explains the very damp part). We monitored him like crazy for the next few days, just waiting for his tongue to blacken and fall off, but it never did. He’ll be 45 before he can head for a bathroom without a gentle reminder not to lick the sink…