Things I Must Stop Saying
LA Daddy | April 22
No, this isn’t a post about giving up all the curse words — ’cause anyone who knows me knows that ain’t about to happen. I not only curse like a sailor, I curse like a drunk sailor with a nasty hangnail and a bad case of blueballs.
I’ve got one child who just turned three, soooo she’s not as cute and cuddly anymore. These days, she’s basically a tantrum waiting to happen… L.A. Mommy and I decided to have another one. Now that L.A. Fetus (pictured here) is 12 weeks old, I’ve decided I must stop using the word “cute.”
Look at that! I just realized I typed the dreaded word in the first sentence of the above paragraph. Over the past three years I’ve used “cute” over 482,000 times. At least. “Aww, she’s so cute!” “Look at how cute that is!” “Too cute!”
I think I’ve actually said “cute” more than my daughter has used the word, “No!” And that’s a lot! But then I’ve been talking a lot longer than she has, so I had an advantage.
I need suggestions on a decent replacement for the word “cute”. I’ve got a baby on the way and I’ll need something easy to remember, easy to pronounce, and hopefully, uttered in one, easy syllable. Like… cute.
Now, when it comes to my aging, cranky daughter — I need to stop using the word “Don’t”. I start every sentence with the word: “Don’t jump on the couch!” “Don’t eat the crayon!” “Don’t give the cat a bath in the toilet!”
Occasionally, to add some extra spice to the conversation, I’ll change to “Do not” and really put the emphasis on the not. Rarely do I have to add the word “even” after “not”. For instance, “Do not even think about putting your sippy cup in my subwoofer!”
They say I’m supposed to use a positive statement instead of the negative “Don’t” words. You shouldn’t say, “Don’t use daddy’s DVD as a frisbee!” You’re supposed to say, “These are daddy’s personal belongings and you need to take care of them. Otherwise, daddy won’t be buying you a car when you turn 16.”
But it’s hard not use “don’t”, isn’t it?
What about “sweet” or “bitchin’”? Also available: rad, gnarly, tender, cool and bad-ass.
I hear ya! WOW.
These positive statements vs negative ones annoy me. These are the same people who do not believe in punishment, or telling your kids what to do, and never ever put their foot down. These are the kids who will grow up thinking everything is good, everything is happy, and everything is theirs and they are entitled to it…No Thank you.
- Jon
- Daddy Detective
- www.daddydetective.com
I really, really, REALLY tried to use that whole “positive statement” thing and … well … fuck that. There are times that a “NO!!” is just necessary. Like, “No! That is daddy’s bong.”
As far as replacements for “cute” go, I think it depends on what you are referring to — after all, puppies are “cute.” There just isn’t any other word.
For kids, do not use “precious.” Other than reminding people of Gollum, it’s also code for “You have an ugly ass kid and I can’t think of anything nice to say, so I’ll just call him/her/it ‘precious.’”
I think the kids today use the term “tight,” but I’m sure that’s changed in recent weeks. Whit has some good ones, to which I’ll “adorable,” “kick ass,” and “teh awesome.”
If those don’t work, I suggest checking out thesaurus.com.
Well, you can always say, “Isn’t that special?” Worked for the Church Lady.
My kid’s 14 now and he’s grown up with his share of don’ts and no’s. As far as I can tell, he’s doing OK (although I think I have a certain responsibility to keep the next generation of shrinks in business.) Not too many cutes, though, because that’s so not a guy thing. And thus, we enter the boy-girl talk divide which will one day work against them when they try to communicate with someone of the opposite sex.
I have no problem saying any of these: “I don’t want you to do that,” “That’s NOT OK,” “You don’t want to see me get angry” and my all-time favorite: “Because I said so!”
Hey — parenting is all about deception and manipulation with a little bribery thrown in. Oh yeah, and a lot of love.
She’s an ace, a beaut, a peach, a pip, yummy (two syllables, but who’s really counting), gorge (for gorgeous), a dream…
How about trying: “The couch is not for jumping on!” “Crayon’s are not food!” (or “for eating”) “The cat is not for drowning!”
“Dad’s DVDs are not for throwing! If you want to throw something, throw this.” And hand them a frisbee ;)
You know you use the word “cute” far too often when your 2 year old son starts imitating you by saying, “Dats cute!” in practically every other sentance. I think I need to start researching some alternatives to this word as well.
As for the don’t use “don’t” theory, I gave up on that effort quickly. It was just too difficult to come up with positive alternatives in the heat of the moment!
That positive crap is… crap.
Say don’t. It’s good for them to hear no. But for little kids (and sometimes older ones) it helps to teach them what they can do instead.
“Don’t give the cat a bath in the toilet! If you want to play in the water, let’s go turn on the sprinkler.”
Or whatever.
I usually just say, “The Mommy is going to have a complete freak-out moment if you follow through with that. THINK ABOUT IT.”
Occasionally works.
:-)