You might be a parent of young children if…
Flagrant Disregard | April 15- You say “potty.” Everywhere. All the time. Example: Do you have to go potty? Are you really, really sure? It’s a long way to where we’re going. Go potty anyway. Try. Just try. Try to potty.
- You’ve researched the anatomy and mating habits of strange animals and insects. Example: Daddy, what’s the difference between a boy slug and a girl slug?
- You’ve taught someone to pee.
- You take three nights to watch a 90 minute movie.
- You have an opinion on monkeys. Example: Do you think monkeys are cool are scary?
- You check that everyone has pants on before you go out. Example: OK, we’re ready! Does everyone have pants on?
- You go to bed at 8:30.
- You can simultaneously make breakfast, fill a lunch box, get two people dressed, and brew coffee. While sleeping.
- You’ve pretended to be a family of robots.
- You’ve developed the ability to not hear screaming. In a restaurant. In the booth behind yours.
- You can answer any question without even blinking. Example: Do aliens like marshmallows? Of course they do. Aliens are green but they aren’t crazy.
- You are unsurprised when things aren’t where you left them. Example: Where’s the milk? Did you look in the closet? Found it.
- You’ve picked eggshell out of the DVD player because someone thought it was hungry.
- You’ve hosted a tea party.
- You announce to other adults that you are going to the bathroom. Often combined with “potty.” Example: I’m going to the potty.
- You often eat your meals standing and your “plate” is the cutting board.
- You are healthy but no matter how much sleep you get you are always tired.
- You drink hard liquor.
- You also drink chocolate milk.
Any other signs?
oh yes, and laughing at the potty, screaming in the restaurant thing, does everyone have pants on? i can totally relate to! and I actually do have the conversations of milk in the cupboard on a daily basis. actually had it lastnight with the hubby. no surprise there.
Thanks, you had me lol. How about you know the names of the Red Wiggle (Murray), Diego’s sister (Alicia), and all the annoying kids from Barney (Beth, Mario)
Another sign…If you have never hesitated to wipe your child’s (or someone else’s child’s) nose with your shirt.
Is there hard liquor mixed with the chocolate milk? Surely there’s a good mix there somewhere.
[…] […]
your car’s 6 cd-changer is filled with “bathtime fun,” “silly songs for kids,” “the best of disney,” “lullaby classics,” “tarzan soundtrack,” and “kidz bop.”
Good stuff,
just last month I did the same “parental inventory”
* arranged babysitting
* driven a sleepless child around at night
* cooked an entire meal only to have it rejected by someone who thinks a hot dog is at the top of the culinary food chain.
* cleaned the car seats of a spilled (and spoiled) bottle of formula. Nasty.
* wiped apple sauce off a wall
http://whereboysfear.wordpress.com/2007/03/14/youre-not-a-parent-until-youve/
This is absolutely hilarious. And sad.
When my kids was younger, I had him on the fence about monkeys. I mean I had him ALMOST convinced that I had adopted him from a clan of monkeys, shaved him, detailed him, and raised him as one of our own. Almost.
How do I join?
What a great list.
I could related to most of them but I see I still have some to conquer.
Thanks.
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You sing Thomas the Tank Engine, Teletubbies, Arthur, and all varieties of PBS programming theme music when at work, on the trolley, at home and in some instances, even set it as your cellphone ringtone.
Hi. A friend suggested this website. Funny list. Too true.
Your “down time” is reading the blogs of other parents at midnight on the internet. Hm.
When a waiter wishes you a good night as you leave, you reply, in a sing-song voice, “Nighty night!”
The potty part goes without saying. But, Oh my god, someone else pretended to be a family of robots? How weirdly, amazingly validating.
… but what is the difference between a boy slug and a girl slug?