1099-Misc
Baby Daddy | March 26Some parents wait until their child is 18 years old to spring a trap on them — This is to prepare you for the real world, they say. Now that you’re 18, you need to start paying us rent.
Parents, of course, think this idea is ingenious. Not only do they help prepare their child for the real world where rent is not something that can be forgotten or ignored, but they get a little money in return for room and board.
Children, in turn, begin to think: “I was right all along. my parents are real jerks.”
Little dude, I’ve been pondering over this for quite some time now, and it’s come up again now that I’m sitting around doing the taxes. I think it’s a goood idea to help prepare your children for the real bills that show up in the real world, but I think it’s a terrible idea to wait 18 years to help you make sense of reality. Therefore, I’m going to start making a list of the money you already owe us, and will make you compensate for those expenses from here on out. You need to know how the real world works, and I don’t want to start too late. So, here we go.
- So far you owe us:
- $13 dollars for one bottle of wine.
- $200 for the initial doctor’s visit (a month later) to see that you were there.
- 7 months of follow-up visits at $135 a pop.
- Extra food for mommy at, let’s say, 50 bucks a month….so, ummm, $350.
- I just painted your room, and the cost of materials was $70
- A new dresser at $170
- This week we’ll be making a trip, to pick up a crib, changing table, and other items for you, that will cost us about $120 in gas…
- and I’ll be generous on this one and only allow us a $40 stipend for food and other necessities.
And I think that’s about it. For now. Keep in mind, though, that this does not include the bills you’ll inevitably incur over the next two months, nor does it include the $3000 we expect to pay the hospital in helping you into this world.
So, for the fiscal year leading up to today you owe us: $1908, which we’ll just whittle down to an even 1900 bucks.
After that, the bills just keep on growing. Sorry, little dude. This is the real world. I’ll have some paperwork for you to sign in early june.
The above is cross posted at baby daddy
I think you low-balled the cost of gas.
Be sure to have a camera handy when you hand over the invoice for parenting service rendered.
“Services rendered” will be subtracted from the overall deduction we get from this “dependent.”
You forgot $ for pain and suffering - for your wife.
However, to be fair, you should deduct the tax savings he’ll give you for fiscal year 2007.
hilarious! :)
Don’t forget to add in a deposit for future damages.
Save those reciepts…
I think you low-balled everything.
Think about what mine would have cost; two kids at once, plus 6 weeks of hospital bed rest.
Damn, I could buy a fleet of flat-screen TV’s…
My parents made me start paying rent, only because I moved out of their house and into an apartment building they owned because I couldn’t stand my annoying younger siblings. I defintely learned a lesson. Life is expensive. I should have married a millionaire! ;)
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