It’s Better to Receive
Hygiene Chronicles | February 21My folks are arriving tomorrow for another weeklong visit. It’s always great fun to have them spend time with their grandson. He gets so excited to see his grandparents and loves playing with them. Grandparents are able to play with kids so much differently than we parents can.
We see my folks about twice a year, once around Christmas and sometime near our son’s birthday. This has led to one (very minor) dilemma. Each visit always coincides with the expectation, and subsequent delivery of gifts. Last week, we reminded him that Grandma & Grandpa were coming.
He smiled, “Oh goodie. Presents.”
Pavlov couldn’t have done it better by ringing his bell.
We explained that he doesn’t always get gifts when they come, but this visit was because we didn’t see them at Christmas. (Didn’t seem to faze him one bit.) We have worked with my folks on not bringing anything on those “non-holiday” trips, but they love giving him something each visit since they see him so much less than their other grandkids. (Not worth the battle my folks.)
I know in a few years that this won’t be an issue and I know this isn’t scarring him for life, but does anyone else have this issue with gifts? Did you do anything about it or just let it ride its course?
Same with Merry and her Grampy, except she sees him a couple times a week.
I don’t know why but I feel a little embarrassed when she yells out “Its Grampy! Grapy is here, where’s my donut?”
Grampy made the bed by bringing donuts why do I feel bad that he has to lie in it?
My kids have a set of grandparents who bring gifts every visit whether there’s a b-day, holiday or not. I keep waiting for the time that they don’t and pouting arises. I don’t have a solution. I think I’ll just leave the room when they arrive empty-handed and let them handle it.
We live close to my Mom and she does the same thing every visit…sometimes it’s just some candy or a dollar. Right now I’m not sure if it’s easier to teach Clare that she shouldn’t expect something every visit or teach my mother that she shouldn’t give her something. I don’t think either one will work though. But if kids are taught well they’ll eventually get out of the gimme phase.
Don’t deny your folks the beautiful smiles and hugs they get when the show with presents. The gifts your parents bring are nothing compared to the gifts you have given your parents in the form of your kids. Let everyone enjoy!
“These are not your parents now… These are old people, trying to get into heaven”
- Bill Cosby
The gifts are about as important to your parent’s as they are to the child (quite possibly more so). As long as she says “Please” and “Thank You” I wouldn’t worry so much about it.
Let it slide. My parent live in Las Vegas… and we are in Seattle. My boys’ collective first thought when finding out that Grandpa Mike and Grandma Janet are visiting is… “can we go to the toy store?”
Everyone loves it. And it’s a tangible reminder for the munchkin of home much grandma & grandpa love him.
Works for me.
Ian asked me where his present was on Valentines Day.
Well my son is coming up on his first birthday. It seems that he is getting a gift from every relative for every frivolous holiday. Really, does an 11 month old boy need a Valentine’s Day gift?
With his birthday around the corner, I keep telling people to STOP buying him toys… He has so many toys now that we seriously do not need to buy anything for at least another year. Besides, his favorite toys are the remote controls, telephones, and a box of kleenex.
If you really wanna buy him something, help donate for his education. Other than that, please please stop.
Unless of course you want to give him and his daddy a cruise around the Caribbean….
Um, maybe it’s just me but I’ve kept all of my favorite stuffed animals, all the letters and all cards from my grandparents, aunts and uncles. Life is so short and it’s a wonderful gift to be able to snuggle with a bunny and read the letters and cards from those who’ve passed away. It reminds you of all the love involved. Without those tangible reminders, memories, however hard we try to hold on, fade away with time.
PS - the stuffed animals are mainly in storage at my mom’s house. the rest are in a bag in the closet that I pull when the need arises.
I’d let it go. That’s what grandparents like to do and the kids love it.
I just roll with it, but I always make my stepson write thank you notes. Even if your son is just a wee one, maybe you can involve him in somehow writing a note or drawing a picture of thanks. It’s a good habit and it teaches kids to give back something when they are given gifts.
Gifts are the domain of grandparents (as well as reveling in the grief that your kids are now giving you!)
My kid, 14 now, knows he has to write — not e-mail, not call — a thank you card every time.
How about this, though: Take your kid out shopping for a gift for the grandparents or, better yet, have him make something special (a frame for a photo of him, etc.)
That way, he’ll learn about giving as well as getting.
my gramma is terrible for giving my id chocolates just before we leave. today she gave him two as we walked out the door and after i’d buckled him into his seat, by time i’d walked around to my door, he had one of them in his mouth. and she sticks her head into the car and says ‘what are you doing with that?! you’re not supposed to eat it now!!!’ and my inner voice is all GOD WOMAN, HES THREE AND YOU GAVE HIM A CHOCOLATE, THE CONCEPT OF JUST HOLDING ON TO IT UNTIL LATER DOESNT EXIST IN HIS WORLD.
the thing that really annoys me about the whole chocolate thing is that she would NEVER allow him to have chocolate in HER car (or bedroom or whatever) and so i see it as a huge double standard.. its not okay fo her but its okay for me?
she also sends him home with parcels… paper bags filled with junk, that i used to hate. but then she shared with me that when she visited her (great?)grandmother when she was little, she’d always be sent home with such a parcel. and being able to do that for her kid was a way pf sharing the happiness she associated with that. and i figure, shes not going to be around forever so i let it fly now.
i sure wish she’d stop wth the chocolate thing tho.
just thought I’d add two cents that I don’t think has been said: you can take some steps to ameliorate any negative effects with some things that happen either as the grandparents are there or after they leave (certainly the easier way to go!) which is to instill a system of toy recycling in which for each new gift that the grandparents receive some older toys that aren’t favorites that don’t see action every day gets donated - which can become a wonderful lesson in sharing, social service, etc. if you make a family trip to Salvation Army or Good Will to teach about people who don’t get new things.
Now in the spirit of full disclosure, our first child is two and we haven’t attempted to implement this theory yet. Anyone out there who’s tried it?
[…] As soon as hugs and kisses were exchanged, she asked for her blue presents. The girl has a one track mind. Very similar to this dad’s experience with his son. It must be a cultural universal. For the first time, she was awake for the entire ride home. Grampa stretched it out as long as possible, but when Josefin saw him reach into his carry-on bag she went running across the room. And stopped dead in her tracks, completely overwhelmed. […]