Excuse me, Daddy, I have to take this call…
Child's Play x2 | February 11Every so often I am given a glimpse into the future of what parenting has in store for me. This often scares the crap out of me. Right now, the big question is when we should start potty training. Because of this preoccupation with poop, you’ll excuse me if I have given little thought to what challenges I will be facing as a parent, say, eight to ten years from now.
That changed while listening to the radio the other day. The morning Dee Jays were discussing when it would be the right age to give your child a cell phone. People were calling in and giving all sorts of reasons to arms kids with phones when they’re as young as six or seven - mainly for safety.
Others were arguing that by giving a child a cell phone we take away the ability for kids to problem solve on their own. Forgot your lunch? Call Mom. Got on the bad side of the school bully? Call Dad. How much is too much?
I’ve got to admit, I’m on the side of not allowing my kids to have a cell phone until they’re responsible enough to use it wisely - perhaps even be able to pay for it themselves. Not only is the phone a crutch for kids but it can also be a huge distraction with text messaging, photo and video sharing, and downloaded games. I just can’t see me rushing out to buy my kids a phone when they’re in the 3rd grade.
On the other hand, I know there are phones made especially for kids that limit what a child can do with the phone. I realize it would be nice to be able to get a hold of my child at certain times and if I were to go the phone route with my younger child, it would definitely be with a phone like this.
But I’m curious? What side of the fence are you on?
I have to agree that 6 years old is far too young for a cell phone. My twins are nearly 6 and I can’t imagine a single instance where I can hear myself saying “if only they’d had a cell phone with them.” Where is a six year old EVER that they are not with a responsible adult. For mine, the answer is NEVER. So that brings the question to, in what circumstances is a child in a situation where a cell phone would be their only (or most reliable) way to contact a parent for assistance… and how old would they be?
I agree that the child has to be responsible enough to use it wisely as a form of communication, not a toy…and responsible enough not to lose it. Obviously, I can only speak in theories since my kids are 6 but I would think that middle shcool might be the appopriate time for this for the occasional after school activity that requires the “mom, dad, come pick me up” call. But for me… with the ever changing face of technology, who knows what will be out by then?
Sorry to be the black cloud in the sunshine of parenthood but…..
How about in case of an abduction?
Short of an implanted micro-chip it seems a cell phone would be a child’s best bet for freedom in case of an abduction.
Or slightly less scary….
In the case of Lisa and Matt at Child’s Play X2, you’ve got your twins at a crowded mall on a weekend (Or Costco/Sam’s Club/Home Depot/etc) and while you’re admiring the latest Mikita cordless drill/Ralph Lauren Cardigan/etc. your children run off… in opposite directions. You have to choose which one to catch first– a whole issue that brings all kinds of emotional turmoil I’m sure. By the time you catch Kid A, Kid B has been out of sight for 2-3 minutes. What now? Shortest route from lost to found might just be a cell phone.
I don’t have the answer, my girls are 3 1/2 yrs and 9 months. The phone would be lost or dropped in a bucket of water in about 5 minutes. But given the right kind of indestructible water proof phone I don’t think we’re too far away…. for peace of mind. Maybe.
Whoa! Interesting case point made there. However, I’m wondering if said abductor isn’t going to be ON to the idea of the whole kid with cell anyway, and say, snatch it and toss it. Regardless.
My kids, 6, 11 and 14; well not so much the six-year old, but the girls, have begun the questions. Not really “Why don’t I have a cell?” As much as “My friend I’m-too-spoiled-for-my-own-good has a phone, and her Mom let her have it in 6th grade!!!”
I tell my kids, when you’re old enough to carry a job, you can carry a phone of your own. On your bill. They are never too far from my reach, really, that they can’t get me. hey, their friends let them use THEIR cells if need be. If they need me at school, they go to the office and make the call. They ALWAYS find a way to get me. Always.
As it stands, we didn’t need them growing up. My father always knew where I was, even when I wasn’t where I told him I’d be. Funny how parents know. I have the same gene or psyche of knowing where they are. We have a very good line of communication, with friends, too.
Maybe I should tell them when they are responsible enough to keep their rooms cleaned, and their clothes put away, the right way, THEN they can have one!!! Hmmmmm
Sure, an abductor might be hip to the phone and dispose of it. Or the child might be able to send a distress call. “Mights, maybes, and what-if’s” work both ways. The chance that a specific child is abducted is minimal but having the cell phone improves the chance of survival if it does happen. The odds are miniscule that an airplane goes down in a way that the escape slide and flotation cushion prove useful, but they’re installed anyways. Just because you’re probably not going to get in a car accident doesn’t mean you neglect to wear seat belts.
I think phones are to the next generation as cars were to those growing up in the 1950′ and ’60’s. Easily available. Affordable. And an increasingly important part of the lifestyle. Add in the fact that we live an increasingly disposable society in a shrinking world where instant communication (audio and video) is now the norm and of course young adults want a cell phone. And what’s the downside of a young adult having a cell phone?
I’m sure parents in the ’50’s and ’60’s said the same things about cars that we’re saying about phones: “what do you need a car for? I didn’t own a car until I’d served in the war, got married, had a kid and owned a house. What reason could you possibly have for owning car?” The same reason kids want cell phones today– it’s part of the fabric of their generation.
Just like owning a car or a pet or a credit card, owning a cell phone can be a great lesson in responsibility. And the earlier they learn that lesson the better, right?
I think establishing incentives for phone ownership would be a great way to kill two birds with one stone. The kid gets what she wants and the parent gets to instill some values. I’d attach grades to the phone. (I say that now, realistically having no idea how I’m going to parent 10 yrs from now). Good grades = phone. Poor grades = no phone.
And on the upside, maybe your child will be in a position to witness an event of earth-shatterring importance (aliens, Elvis, Guiness world record pogo sticking) and with a phone she becomes rich and famous for capturing the video. Without the phone it’s just a good story to tell her own kids.
First of all anybody who is giving their child a cell phone at 6 or 7 is an idiot. I won’t even go off on that right now.
Myself and the lady have always said that we don’t want our son to have a cellphone but there are times when the little bugger will need to use it.
Yes, he can pay for his own, but you know at some point we’ll end up paying the bill.
A pre-paid, you only get it when you are out with friends phone is the best bet. Honestly though, you see what we have for phones and the technology now. Wait a while longer and who the hell knows what will be out there.
In terms of teaching the child responsibility, i think a dog would end up being cheaper in the end. I can’t even remember how many cell phones i got from the kiosks in high school and college. All before I had any money to pay for them. Dozens. Cell phones made me irresponsible.
Plus, we want to use the phone for the gps tracking so we can know where he is from our computer… :)
My daughter came home recently and informed me that a friend of her’s (1st grade), had a cell phone. I laughed, heartily thinking it was some sort of joke. Sure, I have seen phones like the Fly and the Migo that are intended for kids. But honestly, I thought, what kind of an idiot gives their kids a cell phone.
Well, haven’t I been surprised lately by the number of people that think that this is somehow a good idea. Sure, there are some wild scenario justifications, such as Bean’s Dad that rationalize it. But the “what if’s” of a bad scenario (child killed for attempting to use the phone, or a kidnapper using the cell phone) are just a valid and cancel out the possible good scenarios. (IMNSHO anyway). I understand that these parent’s have the best of intentions, I just don’t think it is thought out beyond the knee-jerk reaction of “fear”
The phone companies have gone to great lengths to try and scare (and embarrass) parent’s into cell phones being “needed” by children, so I will lay the blame at their feet (for now), for parents justifying these as “needed” by small children. Me, not so much.
Ok, so the general consensus seems to be that parents who allow their children to have cell phones at a young age (6 years seems to be a common example) are idiots. Yet I haven’t read any explanations here to that effect. What’s wrong with a child having a cell phone? Now’s the time: go off on it.
Because a kidnapper might use it and allow it to be tracked GPS style? Sounds like a good thing to me.
Is it cost? running up the minutes. Cell plans are cheap these days.
Is it lack of responsibility regarding the bill — like some people with a credit card? (adults and teens alike)
Is it the fear of brain cancer?
Is it technophobia?
Is it a distraction?
I’m willing to go either way, in the end, but I haven’t heard any compelling reasons to keep my childs sans cell. Except that I’d be considered an idiot by ThePapaDog.
If we’re going to keep considering the abduction scenario (as much as it gives me nausea) I’d rather my child have a phone than not. The phone gives them a better chance than not having it. And anything that improves the odds is a good thing. They might be able to phone in their own Amber alert. Without a phone there’s NO chance of that. With a phone they might be able to call home or 911 or be tracked GPS style. Without a phone there’s NO chance of that. So a phone potentially gives them options and power in that scenario. I like the idea of empowering a child.
If a knee-jerk reaction is in-line with an effective safety precaution then it’s it’s a good knee-jerk reaction.
Certainly I’m not going to be held hostage by the idea of my child being abducted and relent to the phone solely on those grounds but it’s something to consider.
Giving your child a phone involves “active parenting”, most def. So if you don’t think you’re up for it, it might be a good idea to wait until after the emergency where a phone would’ve saved the day. Like locking the barn door after the horse leaves.
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I’m weighing in with a middle school educator’s point of view:
1. Cell phones in the classroom are a disruption. Parents needing to their reach children and students needing to reach their parents can and should be handled through the front office in order to reduce the disruptions to the class. Many students require a learning environment with few to no distractions. Ringing cell phones ruin many people’s train of thought. Imagine how much more frustrating a teacher’s job is when he or she has to deal with the added dynamic of cell phones ringing. Even phones on vibrate are irritating for students that are truly sensitive to noise.
2. Cell phones in the classroom increase the probability of cheating. This is an on-going concern for classroom teachers everywhere. Students are so adept at texting without even looking at the keypads. All they have to do is keep their hand in the their pocket and text away. We’ve actually had to add a campus rule that students may not have their hands in their pockets while they are taking tests. Not fun to enforce, trust me!
3. Cell phones with camera or video capability are an invasion of privacy. We have many students at our campus that, at parent request, are not allowed to have their pictures taken. Even for students not affected by this, the unauthorized taking of pictures or filming of students is a violation of FERPA.
So, when should children be given a cell phone? IMHO, when their parents feel they are responsible enough to respect the rights of others and not abuse their phones when out in public.
this is interesting for me (though i’m late to the party) because i share custody with my ex and we’re on opposite sides of the fence - he likes the idea of kids with phones and personally, i hate it.
like a lot of other things my attitude is, well, lived without a phone until i was 17, so can my kids. i can think of half a dozen times when i might have needed a cellphone growing up - and because i had to walk to and from school, they all centered around rainy days. and even if i HAD had a cellphone, my mum would have told me to walk anyway. and i did. and it didnt kill me.
living in new zealand the threat of abduction isnt - i wouldnt say real, because of course it could happen at any time - but, not as prominent? likewise running off in our small, one level mall. annoying, but not a big deal, as such.
lately we’ve had a lot of fuss made about ‘text bullying’ and probably, thats what concerns me the most. the idea that if yo had a kid that was being targeted by a bully at school - that even home wouldnt be a safe haven for them. that the bully would, technically, be able to follow them around wherever they went. of course they can turn thier phones off, but then they also lose communication with everyone else. and really, what parent knows EVERYTHING that goes on in their childs life? perhaps your child would tell you…. or perhaps not.
personally i’m all about avoiding the scenario altogether and not getting a phone.
eventually my kid (hes only three and a half at the moment) will get a cellphone and i’m fine with that. but it’ll be at a point where he can understand that it costs money to run, that money doesnt grow on trees, and that you souldnt give your number out to every person that you meet. preferably it’ll be at a point where he can buy his own phone, or at least pay for his own credit. i think phones have become one of those ‘hot items to have’ - you know, one or two people might have had them for legitimate reasons, but the average six year old does not need a cellphone. our paranoia is just being toyed with to make us THINK that they do.
First of all I wasn’t calling you an idiot specifically.
If you give your child a cell phone at age 6, to me it reflects being an absentee parent. In what situation does a 6 year old need to use a cell-phone with no parental supevision???
Answer that question for me and maybe, maybe it will make sense, but I can’t seem to come up with one situation that justifies it outside of neglect…
I know you weren’t call ME an idiot. My children don’t have cell phones… yet.
Lisa’s points about cell phones in school are solid. I would think that we should be able to except the same level of appropriate use from middle schoolers as we do from adults. Turn ‘em off in theaters, business meetings, etc. And the ability to confiscate them should be used freely in middle school. Granted there’s always the inconsiderate exceptions. Maybe part of the learning curve with cell phones as part of our society is that when someone is using their cell innapropriately the people around him call him on it. Much like “the bird” and horns are tools used by drivers to indicate disapproval maybe we can come up with a symbol or gesture that represents “poor cell etiquete”. How about this: make the international ‘call me’ gesture– pinky and thumb extended at your ear– wiggle it back and forth to get the person’s attention. Once they’re looking at you, stick your tongue out and give them a “thhhppppttt” while gesturing ‘put the phone down’ by miming hanging up with your phone-hand. Less offensive than the middle figure but the point is made.
Now about the 6 year old with a phone. You’re probably right about him/her not needing one since I can’t picture a situation where one would be necessary– I suppose emergencies but I don’t know that that’s sufficient justification. But I made it through 30 years of my life without one and now it seems indispensible.
Maybe a phone that only dials a few numbers wouldn’t cause the issues we all fear (911, home, parents work, local police/fire, trusted neighbor, grandparents).
I just keep thinking that cell phones are similar to our generations Nintendo. Everyone HAD to have one. And whether you owned one or not you are familiar with the gray box and control pad (A,B,A,B up,down,up,down) as part of ’80’s & early ’90’s pop culture. Each generation has material icons that are associated with their youth. Maybes phones are that for the upcoming generation. And with proper parenting and guidelines maybe the mere act of cell ownership is enough…. I don’t have the answers and I have a few years to work of them.
Maybe they should invent rotary cell phones. That way by the time you get close to finishing dialing your number you’ll be so aggravated that you’ll never want to use one again…
just mash your hands against the buttons…..
I’m a tech-freak, and I like the fact that some of those phones have GPS tracking. When my daughter is old enough, maybe they’ll have satalite imaging/tracking too. Just to make sure she doesn’t start hanging out at the Hot Topic with those Emo freaks-kids.
Bean’s Dad,
The funny thing in you statement though regarding the six year old and the cell phone is when you say,
“You’re probably right about him/her not needing one since I can’t picture a situation where one would be necessary– I suppose emergencies but I don’t know that that’s sufficient justification”
But isn’t that the point you have been trying to make? That based solely on the possible GPS locking capabilities (which I believe still requires a Court Order… not impossible, but still takes time), it is enough justification for giving a kid a phone?
While you are willing to accept one (albeit terribly evil one) reason as justification FOR the phone, you dismiss any negative reasoning as “excuses” (Price is certainly a factor for many people, not all, but some. Distraction is a HUGE reason, as is responsibility both with the device and HOW to use it.)
Even Lisa’s points, which you acknowledge are valid, you still dismiss with the “expectation” that we can teach middle-school kids to be as “responsible” as adults with cell phones. I’m not sure if you noticed… but uh, we are doing so good with the adults either. You know WHY they have that reminder about the cell phones at the beginning of the movie? Because they HAVE tot, because of all the nitwits that can’t make it through a movie without a call they “gotta take”
Being a child of the Atari Age myself that didn’t have one, I’m sorry, because “everybody has one” is not a good enough reason for me.
I wasn’t dismissing anything. I was merely putting reasons out there as possibilities that people might use in not wanting their child to have a phone.
And… I wasn’t using GPS tracking as the sole reason to have a phone merely suggesting that it’s might be a very compelling reason for some.
I didn’t dismiss Lisa’s statements (or at least I didn’t mean to) though I did say we should be able to expect a certain level of responsible use and hold kids and adults accountable. Just because a few people can’t handle the repsonsibility doesn’t mean ALL people can’t– or that we should forbid kids from having phones.
More than once, I’ve stated that I’m not “for or against”– just trying to gather information through dialogue. It would have been a pretty dull conversation had everyone said “yeah, kids don’t need cell phones… ever!!!” no?
I guess my take on the whole thing is that while many people seem ready to villify parents who allow their kids to have cell phones, the phones may not be the devil’s tools they’re being made out as. Sort of a “don’t judge until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes”. Sure, many parents are just lazy, permissive, enabling sacks-o-crap. But others may have legitimate, compelling reasons (at least in their own minds) their kids should have a phone. And just maybe, these parents are working hard at teaching their kids proper phone etiquette and responsible use.