Necessity The Father Inventions
Poop and Boogies | November 22As a father I am constantly trying to come up with new ways or devices that could make my life easier. I know that most of the dads that read this blog probably have done the same thing. I never really think that these inventions will actually be produced or will there be any money made off of them, but the ideas keep flying in and out of my brain that I started to record them.
I am sure some of these ideas have been mentioned in other blogs and I may be taking some type of already trademarked ideas and counting them as my own, but here are the things that I have invented in my head to make my life as a parent easier.
Glow In The Dark Onesie Crotch Snaps- There have been too many times that I have changed diapers in a low light room where it takes me at least 5 attempts to snap the onesie back together the correct way. There are ususally only three snaps on the thing but they are so small and ususally match the color of the onesie or pants that I always mess up. I plan to call the Glow In The Dark Onesie Crotch Snaps, G.I.T.D.O.C.S. but this sounds…I don’t know,… something like a bad porn site.
The Nook Hook- My five month old does not have the manual dexterity to pick up his own pacifier and replace it in his mouth after he spits it out. He will wake up screaming for his Nook. I came up with the idea of just adding some elastic bands to sides of the bink that could wrap around his ears to keep the bink in his mouth. They would fit kind of like a pair of glasses. I tried rubber bands as well as twisty ties but every time I put it on his face it looks like he is wearing a ball gag. I had to throw this idea out the window.
The pacifiers in my house are always getting lost. Whether in the middle of the night, wrapped in the sheets or out on the playground, we are constantly replacing them. I am sure most of the parents out there know that a two year old can become extremely attached to specific binky. That even if you have a back up, the child wants the one that was lost. So I thought a good idea would be to put a tracking device in the binky. Maybe like one of those key finder key chains. So when you are looking for a lost binky you can just clap your hands and it will beep and light up. How cool would that be in the middle of the night to be able to see the glowing binky trapped between the wall and the edge of the bed? No need to turn the light on in the room and rouse the kid from their half slumber. I would call this TRAC-IFIER.
One of my other ideas is not so much an invention, but more of an idea I think all baby clothing manufacturers should start to produce. I always find that infant clothes are too soft and thin. They really do not have any grip to them. When it gets cold and my hands are dry I always find the baby slipping in my hands. Dry skin on baby clothes is very slippery. So I think all baby clothes should have areas of grip tape on the them to prevent dropped kids. Just the areas under the arms and down the sides. The material they use could be the same used on gloves that NFL recievers use. Baby Stickum.
The last idea I had came to me the other day. My two year old loves to play with sticks, leaves and rocks. He has a ton of toys, but if given a choice he would play with a rock everytime. Since there is no off position on my genius switch, I thought of a great concept. Pet Rocks. I am sure he would hours of entertainment from them.
Do you have any inventions?
You know I could be wrong, but pet rocks might be taken already. You are about 30 years late on that one. ;)
The beeping and blinking pacifier I would certainly buy. We used to put an extra one on my daughters dresser at night and at 2am it would be gone. I don’t know who would take it, but when I find out I will be killing them. Luckily now, when it falls out she could care less. But she is um….two and a half.
GREAT ideas!!
The Glow in the Dark Onesie crotch snaps is a good idea! I agree and so does my hubby. He had the most trouble with those when Dawson was up in the middle of the night!
How about a law? Maybe even a new Constitutional Amendment?:
All children’s clothing must be manufactured using snaps or velcro.
If any company/manufacturer is found using fancy buttons requiring button-holes the CEO will be sentenced to repeatedly dress rabid screaming weasels using said buttoned clothing in the dark without the use of his nanny. (I specifically say “his” because a women CEO would never allow this agregious violation to occur.)
The Road House
Why are all playhouses designed for girls? How about a playhouse that’s a car? Doors on the side. Two steering wheels with lots of levers and gadgets — a radio that plays raffi. Windshield wipers that move, and with non-toxic wiper fluid squirters. The thing doesn’t go anywhere. Might keep the boys from sneaking into the minivan and attepting grand theft auto every time I try to bring in the groceries.
Hey I actually acted on my idea…
www.electronictimecapsule.com (sorry for the free promo! You asked!)
I was writing a journal to my daughter and most of the content I was writing was diluted from my true intent as she might read the journal at age 5. The alternative was sealing the letters in an envelope…not too convenient… Privacy from other writers was another issue…
p.s. Daddyclay is onto something
What about a low power wet/dry vac to suck up the poop inbetween the cracks?
Maybe it can come with a spray bottle attachment so you don’t have to touch the butt.
I’m buying stock in all of those, the minute your company goes public. Get moving!
I have not laughed so hard in quite a while. Amen to the Beans Dad. I recently purchased an adorable little suit to put on my 5-month-old son. It has a button-up shirt and a button-on tie. Do you know how tiny buttons have to be to button a tie on a 5-month-old? Do you know how much 5-month-olds just love sitting still while you fiddle about with buttons right near their neck? Yeah.
man, I had so many ideas when I was bringing up my first son. For the life of me I can’t remember most of them. One I do remember is the “bottle bottom rip grip”. It’s pretty stupid, but could have come in useful a few times!
Quite often while feeding my son the bottle on the couch I’ve needed to grab an item off of the coffee table. With one hand supporting my baby and the other holding the bottle it doesn’t leave me with much option. I find myself holding the bottle in my son’s mouth by putting my chin on the end of the bottle to hold it in his mouth while I grab for the item ( usually a beer or the remote :P ). Most of the time the bottle slips off my chin and the bottle goes flying. This is mostly due to the slippery surface of the bottom of the bottle. This would totally be avoided by putting a more grippier surface on the bottom of the bottle. In my younger years there was this product called “rip-grip” that you used to put on the bottom of your skateboard so you can get a better grab while pulling some air. It was a suede-like sticker that you could easily peel-and-stick. Perfect. Stick it on the bottom of the bottle and voila - chins are back in the game!
Better yet, maybe instead of the rip-grip, use a little gel pocket so it forms to your chin. Pure genius!
D’ar
One idea I had was for the trunk of the car baby changing station. It would fit nicely inside of any car trunk fold out with warm wet wipes, and an ample supply of diapers.
It would have been very handy on the long trips to grandma’s house!
I would call it Bumps in the Trunks Station!
The grocery cart cover has been a savior for my baby. Safety net between germs and leaky diapers! You can see them here: www.sandboxcouture.com