The Blogfathers

Giving our children good confidence is important to most parents. We want our children to be confident enough to face simple challenges at an early age and build on that as they get older. But little is ever said about building confidence in fathers, with the help of children. In my experience, children can be superb at making a parent feel like a million bucks. I’m talking about the everyday tasks an involved father does with his children. The simple things that can bring joy even after the worst of days. Or am I the only one who gets that great feeling of accomplishment when I succeed in doing seemingly irrelevant things with my children?

It starts out with very simple things. You are after all a beginner at this stage. Changing a diaper, comforting your crying newborn, or dressing her properly. Taking her for a walk in the Baby Björn, bathing her, and going to doctors appointment discussing her health might be another step. Making her nap, take her out alone for a shopping trip, change a poop diaper in a public restroom, or go running with her might be another step. When you’re helping her try real food, putting her in the bicycle seat for the first ride, putting her to sleep for the night, or going to the first baby swim class she’s not an infant any longer. After she reaches a year or so and is off breast feeding you might want to send the wife away for a spa weekend while you manage the household, take care of your daughter, and make sure everything is running smoothly when the wife returns home. Food shopping without a mothers guidance or going to baby song class is a challenge for some. Schooling her in at day care, getting vaccines, and comforting her when she falls down on the playground can be another small challenge. Holding her all night in your lap while she’s sick and puking , giving her medicine, or the two of you taking a flight across the country might be another step. You see where I’m going. Most of these things are just small baby steps, and not particularly important one by one, but they help build a fathers confidence. I remember clearly many of them making me feel better than a $100k bonus. The first time I put my young son to bed by myself I felt fantastic. Same when I early on sent the wife to Paris for a week of fun (with no child) I did feel proud when she came back and everything had gone well. Or when I talked my son into drinking his own medicine without anyone forcing him. Made me feel like a champ.

I guess I still count as a beginner parent since my oldest child is not even three years old but I’ve managed to learn a few things. The main one is that it takes lots of hard work to get to know your child and earn her trust. I don’t mean knowing her like your neighbor, I mean knowing her very closely. The hard work is of course repaid many times over. I can’t tell you how great I feel when things run smoothly. You known the feeling, when you don’t have to think of what to do, it just comes naturally. And you feel confident about handling any situation that might occur. I find it odd I think about this kind of things since my own confidence has always been strong. But the impact of doing good things for my own children seem to have a stronger than expected impact on me.

Just as children can build good confidence they can also make you feel less than great. I’ve observed this during my many trips down to Mexico where the fathers normally have a macho attitude. The less they know they more macho they are. The Latin fathers are in general anything but close to their kids and it’s the wife or maid who handles everything. But their macho attitudes collapses when they are unable to do the simplest thing with their children, like putting them to bed or bathe them, and the mother has to step in. I’ve learned not to get involved in how other families handle the family situations but I often feel like the Latin men would benefit most by a little confidence boost by their kids.A father confident with his children also has another benefit, it drastically simplifies family life. Since both parents are equal and can do each other tasks, there are no designated chores for man or woman. Perhaps that’s why I find my newborn daughters situation a little frustrating at times. I simply don’t have the same influence on her as her mother because of the breastfeeding and also because they spend a lot more time together. Large milk filled boobs rule the world for a two month old baby and it’s difficult for a father like me to do many some things at this early age.

What’s the point with all this babbling? I think many fathers are unaware of how great it feels to do the simple tasks with their children and how it unconsciously makes them more confident and relaxed. Is it the hard work that scares fathers away? Some are under the impression that the real quality time is going to the playground a couple of hours. I disagree. I like the playground but get to know my children best by doing daily things like dressing them, brushing teeth, changing diapers, and feeding them. Or maybe there is some shortcut in getting to know the children, having them trust you, and listen to your advice? Even if there is I personally rather get to know them by being around them as much time as possible.

Parenting Challenges