Don’t Tell My Kids
Child's Play x2 | October 3By most accounts I am a confident person. I am especially confident in my abilities and I spend little time doubting myself. In the work world this has carried me far. My confidence, I believe, is contagious and as a leader it has served me well. I tend to pick things up quickly, apply them to my current situation, and consequently I am able to speak on the subject with a degree of certainty.
Which makes what I am about to admit that much harder.
As a parent, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.
Oh sure, I’ll wax poetically about the need to be an active participant in my kid’s lives. I can tell you the benefits of parenting by example and providing a strong, nuturing environment that builds self-esteem. I could go on and on about how expressing love and modeling caring and compassion will build those qualities in my children. To most people I can leave the impression that I know what I’m doing.
I haven’t a clue.
But don’t tell that to my kids, please. (I’m pretty sure, however, my wife has already figured this out) You see, if there’s another thing I’ve learned in my life is that if I don’t know what I’m doing, faking it can get you pretty far. So that is my plan.
When it comes to parenting, I’m going to fake like I know what I’m doing. I may not get it right all of the time but I figure an 80% success rate should give my kids a fighting chance. In fact, I’ve been trying to anticipate what scenarios might present itself in the coming years and how I might respond. I figure if I have prepared answers, even if they are totally wrong, and if I deliver them with confidence, then I should be okay.
For example, when my son asks me why the sky is blue, I will, with all manner of authority, say that it’s God’s favorite color. If my daughter asks me where babies come from, I’ll wax poetically about how we picked them out special from a local bakery (see “bun in the oven”). When my kids ask me what Mommy and Daddy were doing in their bedroom last night, I’ll sit them down, look them straight in the eye and tell them… we were wrestling.
As you can see, I’m going to make a great parent. At least, I’ll fake it for as long as possible. Please don’t tell my kids.
I find that my personal parenting style reflects that of Calvin’s dad more and more. It’s amazing how many things you can write off to solar winds.
I’ve also got very good confidence but the biggest benefit for me is I can admit when I’m wrong and not have a problem with it. Most people are very defensive and are never ever wrong. At least that’s what they believe. I’m not as good as you at coming up with creative solutions so I usually just tell it like it is. Has worked well so far but who knows about the future.
AD
Bottom line- being there and being a part of their life is 90%. These talks and your goofy answers will be fodder for years of ‘wacky dad’ stories. My personal feeling is that dads should always bring the funny.
You guys are great!
I actually don’t have gobs of self-confidence but, for some reason, I feel pretty confident about my daughter and the things we’re doing for her. I don’t think it takes much more than sincere caring for their well-being and respect for them. I suspect you’re pretty good without faking it.
Of course, the flip side, when Calvin figured out that his dad didn’t have a clue, he always yelled for his mom. Because moms are supposed to have the “real” answers, I guess.
Thanks, guys. ;)
Deanna,
That is usually the part where we roll our eyes and make them look stuff up (my Mom made me pull out the encyclopedia, I’m guessing I’ll have my kids google it).
Matthew, Now with the internet, you can just google it.
Hey, that wrestling one sounds awfuly familiar. :)
To back you–and me, and all the other con artist parents–up, we need a website that we can point our kids to that cross references “where do babies come from?” with “stork,” “bun,” and “oven,” and that has no mention of sex. We can call it Wrongopedia. They may not know much, but with the bluffing skills they learn by modeling our behavior, they can support us with their poker winnings.
The nice part about making stuff up to answer their questions is that since kids make stuff up all the time, if you use a confident tone of voice they totally go with it. My kids think the clunking noise the fridge makes is a house gnome cleaning up in there for us.
Love the Wrongopedia idea. My son already asks me to look stuff up in the dictionary for him, when I don’t know WHY it’s called grass, or bird, or synesthesia or whatever. Maybe he could help me write the Wrongopedia page on etymology?
Confidence is the ability to admit that you don’t know crap, except to your children who need to know their Dad is the king of all things. Good luck!
Funny, I was listening to one of the Zencast podcasts this afternoon and the guy (Gil) said he found it easier to be a Buddhist monk than to be a parent. He hasn’t got to the good part yet though!
I’m afraid when I don’t know the answer I put my hand up rather than give them BS. Rachel always catches us out, so it’s not worth it!
as long as you don’t start saying, “because i said so,” i think you’re good!
Your doing a great job.