Don’t Let Go
Hygiene Chronicles | September 25“Don’t let go.”
The other week, the three of us had gone swimming. Our son has not wanted to be in the baby pool any longer so we’ve graduated to the big pool. In order to give him more stability, we bought a pair of water wings, inflatable plastic devices that go around his arms, to hold him up. However, on our last visit, the lifeguard said these weren’t allowed and he had to take them off. Reluctantly, we removed them and gave him fair warning that he wouldn’t automatically stay above water. He didn’t like moving away from the edge of the pool.
“Don’t let go, Daddy.”
“Buddy, I’ll never let you go,”
This weekend, I was back at my parents still helping them with this insane move. During one of our breaks, I relayed the swimming story to my folks. My mom did her standard grandma response; “Oh that is so cute. What a darling little boy.” My dad just nodded, smiled and continued moving boxes.
After my mom left to go direct other move ‘volunteers’, my dad looked over and responded as if the conversation were now continuing since my mom wouldn’t control it. “Not much more time left for that, you know.”
“For what?” I asked.
“Hanging on. Independence comes quick.” My dad is an amazingly wise man when not in the company of his wife.
“In a year or two, he’ll be learning to ride a bike without training wheels. You’ll be running along side, balancing the bike to make sure he doesn’t fall. Then all of sudden, he tell you to ‘Let go’. It happens just like that. One minute, you’re support; the next you just watch.”
At once, I saw my own life changing. My son growing up and learning to make decisions on his own; realizing both the joy and sadness of child discovering how to live for himself. Childhood replaced by choice and consequences.
My father and I continued to move boxes; from the house where he’d been the dad of two little boys to the house where he’s a granddad to two little boys. I couldn’t help but feel the twinge of sadness as I realized this old house was where my brother and I ‘let go’ of many things to become the men we are now.
Sunday afternoon, I was dropped off at the airport. My body was in sheer agony from twelve hours of climbing stairs with heavy boxes, but a trip well spent…for many reasons. I kissed my mom and told her what a great housed they purchased. It’s been an agonizing choice for her to move, so she really needed the validation.
Then I went to other side of the car. My dad always puts out his hand, though we’ve hugged for as long as I can remember. I just hugged him and then as he started pulling away, I said quietly, “Promise me, you won’t ever let go.”
He held on a little longer and was smiling as we released.
My son and I will go swimming again this week. We’ll paddle around together. We’ll practice putting our face in the water. We’ll keep learning how to kick. And he’ll tell me not to ‘let go’.
“I won’t let go…not until you need me to, buddy.”
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PS Thanks to M&Co from My Own Circle of Confusion who nominated me for a Sept. Perfect Post.
Now my heart is hurting and I’m tearing up. Damn you. I can’t handle heartache on a Monday.
Ohhh, sniffle.
I say this with the upmost respect- I’m glad I’m not the only guy that was turned sappy by fatherhood. Amazing isn’t it. I feel myself getting chocked-up reading this post, watching TV (sometimes from commercials), and who knows what else. Now, I’m not saying that I cry mind you, but I have feelings. Just amazing.
A post that hits home.
Damn, AD.
*Sniffle, Sniffle*
Geeeeezzz…on a Monday???
Your Dad is so right. This year was my son’s first year to ride the school bus in the morning. On the THIRD day of us walking to the bus he said, “Mom, you really don’t have to walk me to the bus any more.” So I stopped and tried to bend over and give him a kiss good bye and he said, “Geez Mom…no kissing!” So now I sit every morning on the porch, pretend to read my newspaper, and wish he would ask me to never let go.
you probably underestimate how much you touched your father.
Well done.
Ahhhh, you know how to make people cry now don’t you? Very touching story. I dread the day when I have to let go of mine.
I still need my mom by my side as I am raising my daughters. I don’t think that you ever really let your parents entirely let go… and I suspect that I will be by my daughter’s side even when they are adults.
Even though we are now adults, we never stop needing our parents…..
That was wonderful.
You got me. Here I sit with a tear in my eye.
You’ve got me crying at my desk. beautiful.
That was beautiful.
[…] Here’s the list of this month’s winners: Petroville awarded Her Bad Mother Suburban Turmoil awarded Corporate MommyMysterious Lady awarded Whiskey Talking Organized Chaos awarded Notes from the Trenches Here in the Hills awarded Heartsongs Miss Cellania awarded Simply Left Behind Mama Drama awarded Waking Up Wallpaper of my Mind awarded Worth Ten Thousand Words Aka Monty awarded Beauty Dish Wordgirl awarded V-Grrrl in the Middle I Obsess awarded Rock the Cradle Halushki awarded Lemon Parade Sunshine Scribe awarded Blog Antagonist Never That Easy awarded Wallpaper of My Mind Unexplored Territory awarded Amalah My Own Circle of Confusion awarded Hygiene Chronicles @ Blogfathers Crouching Mommy, Hidden Laundry awarded Adventures of a Domestic Engineer Life, the Universe and Everything awarded KY Coop Cast One Lazy Lesbian awarded The Lesbian Lifestyle Mary Tsao awarded MotherGooseMouse Masked Mom awarded Iowa Drift Bub and Pie awarded State of Discontent Peanut’s Mom awarded First Year or Last Will Daddy Come Too awarded Sarah and the Goon Squad The Fat Lady Sings awarded Soul Gardening Metro Mama awarded Sunshine Scribe Mystery Mommy awarded The Wait and the Wonder Pass the Torch awarded Pensieve The Silent I awarded The Lotus Life The Pink Diary awarded Almost Somewhat Positive Oh The Joys awarded What It Is […]
Thanks for the beautiful post. Sorry I missed it earlier. I can occasionally be a wise man and have long ago figured out that the most difficult thing with children is letting them go. It’s tough to let them go, even at this early age, to let htem experience their own mistakes even though I could protect them if I wanted to. I don’t think letting go later on in life will be any easier. Perhaps the worries will be replaced by a sense of pride later in life. I think the better relationship you have with your kids, the harder it is to let go
AD
[…] I am giving a Perfect Post to Steve at the Hygiene Chronicles for his vignette at the BlogFathers, Don’t Let Go. This post brought tears to my eyes. Maybe it’s because my own Father is aging. Maybe it’s that my own four year old is letting go. As he frequently reminds me, “I can do it myself!” It was well written and poignant. And oh so true. […]
well done man - great post - as an expectant father its all ahead of me. its a shame my own dear father (RIP Dad) came from a generation that couldn’t express his feelings because the country we live in (Ireland) mangled the emotions of an entire generation …
Yep, this is the first blog post in a while to have my eyes watering. What a touching moment! I’ve often thought the same thing about my own father - I was fiercely independent as a teenager and probably not to pleasant about the transition either.