Teaching Children Tolerance
Genuine | August 30Today over at Genuine, I discuss the issue of “Pat” the little boy in Florida that is going to school as a girl because he has been diagnosed with gender dysphoria. It seems that the school officials and parents want to stick their heads in the sand and ignore the truth about the situation. I don’t agree. I discuss my reasons more fully in my post, but I wanted to ask those of you that don’t venture over there, when do we teach our children tolerance? Shouldn’t we start as soon as we teach them the other things in life like how to walk and talk? I do believe that there will always be innate differences in people that will create some strife, but what about what we can control? Feel free to post about this on your own sites if you don’t want to use comment space, but I feel a discussion is in order. Let us know if you post so we can all come and see your views.
I’ve been thinking about this ever since I read the post over on Genuine this morning.
I think it would be much better to say to the other children in the class “This is Pat. Pat is transgender.” I’m thinking that unless their parents told them that Pat was “a freak” that all of those other little kids would just grow up understanding transgender better.
It’s a shame.
Yeah Sarah it is a shame.
I think it is analagous to when a person is handicapped. My kids ask about my sister having Spina Bifida and Cerebral Palsy. After I informed them. They just said “oh okay” and that’s the last I have ever heard of it. Kids are far more accepting and can grasp concepts easier than we give them credit.
You of course will always run into the parent that worries, and I can say it entered my mind for a split second when I first heard it, about what effect the child will have on other kids. Kids are strange that way, they all may want to start cross dressing for the simple popularity of it. My kid had to have shoes that light up because someone else in the class had them.
You know, I’m torn. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that Pat is transgendered. But is it anyone else’s business? Like, I don’t go around telling every single person that my son meets that he has Dysfuntion in Sensory Integration and ADHD. If the subject comes up, sure, I’ll talk about it. And I write about it. But it’s *his* life and when he becomes uncomfortable with it, I’ll stop (right now he’s fine with it). And Christopher’s issues are far more “mainstream” than Pat’s. I would definitely worry that some asshole will tell his kid to tease or be mean to or ignore Pat.
I totally see the value in using this as a teaching diversity point, but I think the parents’ first instinct is to protect their child.
I tried to go read your post, genuine - and my virus scan went crazy. I’m not sure how all this stuff works but you might want to check your site.
Bluepaolo: Thanks for the tip.
I dunno. I’ve known 5 year olds that were sure they were trains in the body of a person. Or fairies. Or cats. Are they just transspecies, or something?
Just strikes me as people who want to much to put their beliefs on kids, I guess. I dunno. But then, I don’t really get transgenderedness at all. What does it feel like to “be a girl” or be a boy or be a girl in a boy’s body? It tends to sound sexist to me, actually. I mean, if I don’t behave like an average girl, does that mean maybe I’m not one? I like math and arcade games… should I call myself a boy?
Bleh. Just makes me crazy, I guess.
if the parents of pat are sure (and pat is sure) that he is transgendered at age 5, one wonders, if what homophobics say is true i.e. people turn towards another sexuality, where did he get his feelings of gender dysphoria from ? innate ? genetic ? learned ?
silvermine, the difficulty you experience trying to imagine what it would be like to feel that you are in a body of the wrong sex is the same difficulty that trans people (even as young children) feel trying to live in the bodies we are born into.
i appreciate that it is hard for a non-trans person to imagine but please be assured that these feelings are very real and very strong and far exceed feelings of being not average or not traditional.
I think the best way to teach tolerance is to be tolerant (& generous) ourselves. In a world overstuffed with Walmarts, Starbucks, and strip malls, thank heaven people are different and interesting!
I think Crankymama is on to something…for me it’s just like when my kids see someone in a headscarf or a wheelchair, they comment and ask questions because it’s different than what they’re used to. I explain in simple words that the lady is Muslim so she covers her head, and the man has an owie and can’t walk so the wheelchair helps him go places…and they are totally satisfied.
Letting them ask the questions if they need to makes it no big deal, and models tolerance/acceptance since I’m not singling anyone out by pointing out their differences. I try to make these conversations simple and normal so that my kids learn at any age that the world is full of different people.
I wonder why the child in Florida has to be “explained” at all…my son loves to wear dresses, so what? Why on earth would anyone think a child is being abused because they aren’t wearing “gender appropriate” clothes?
By the way, I’m not saying being Muslim, handicapped, or transgendered are similar/choice-based/whatever, it’s just my kids haven’t seen (to my knowledge) anyone transgendered but they have seen Muslim women and people in wheelchairs.