Taking the Bleep Out Of Life
Genuine | August 18We got that dreaded call this week from our sitter. Our son the five year old has decided to add to his ever expanding vocabulary with “God Dammit.” I can’t possibly imagine where he might have learned this phrase. Over the years cussing has taken many new forms. We’ve replaced the F-bomb with Freaking or Friggin’ and other modern slang terms. These words have become, in some instances, part of everyday language, used like punctuation or like exclamation points.
This issue came up at the recent BlogHer seminar at the Mommy Blogging session. Is it okay to cuss on your blog? Of course it is, that is why it’s called “your” blog. I myself made a choice not to use this type of language on my own blog, but now and then it just seems appropriate. Sometimes there is not other word in the arsenal that clearly illustrates the feeling.
Growing up I was not allowed to say anything resembling a cuss word. It’s just how I was raised. I can still remember that rite of passage out with the boys when I first heard my own Father cuss. I felt privileged, like had been made a part of the cool kids group. I was able to see that it’s okay to use a bad word, as long as Mom wasn’t around to hear it.
Our own Dad Gone Mad discussed this in his blog a while back when he wrote:
If I say “My fucking balls hurt because that motherfucker just stole my Pop Tart”, I’m expressing pain and sorrow and anger. Those feelings need to be expressed so I can begin to heal. I don’t have time to search my inner thesaurus for more socially appropriate terms. I need to heal, and I mean right fucking now!
I’m not offended by his writing, in fact I’m still wondering how passionate he is about his Pop Tarts.
Being the Internet savvy researcher I am I decided to take a look around at what others are saying about this topic and as I become more informed I can make better judgment on how to handle the situation with my kids. I ran across an article in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel written by Lori Price called “Swearing Up A Blue Streak.” In the article, Ms. Price states my position a little more eloquently:
“Like a forbidden mistress, profanity used to live in the shadows of private conversation and came out only for emphasis or emotional outbursts. People were either cursing someone in anger or using profanity to make a point.”
I’m not sure about how to handle this issue with my son. I am of the belief that there is a time and a place for cussing, and his outburst was not one of them. We forbid our children from all forms of what we consider to be derogatory language. One of the words I don’t necessarily like is the use of the word “stupid.” It’s one of those things that I would rather not have my children fall back on. I don’t want to hear them say something or someone is stupid. Yeah, I know that might be a little off the deep end of strict, but I have certain boundaries I don’t want crossed.
I think it’s a matter of personal preference. Comedy is like this as well. Eddie Murphy will use every cuss word in the book and make up a few along the way, whereas Bill Cosby is hilarious not have any profanity. I love the movie “My Cousin Vinny”. No way would the scene where he is awakened in the cabin by a screeching owl be as funny if he didn’t have the surprised look on his face when he spouts “What the fuck is that?” I still can’t think of that scene without bursting with laughter.
I did have a chuckle in the Lori Price piece when she was quoting a mother of a three year old boy:
Latasha Medley, 25, said she is constantly trying to remove swearing from her language, especially in front of her 3-year-old son, Shalamar.
The funny thing wasn’t what Latasha said but the fact that she named her son after a woman’s perfume. My only question with that is “What the fuck was she thinking?”
I too try to refrain from swearing on my Blog. I do occasionaly but only for emphasis. Cursing should be used and is used best to emphasize a point or a feeling. The more it is used the less impact it has.
I do it occasionally on my blog. I used to cuss all the time, but now with toddlers I say freaking and what not. I don’t let my kids say stupid either. Or dumb…it’s just not cool.
One thing on the cussing that worked with my oldest daughter (4 1/2) is giving her a place to say the new word she has fallen in love with. For her, it’s just a new word or saying, she doen’t really know what it means. So we came up with a rule that you can cuss in the car…becuase well, I cuss in the car. Telling some guy who cut me off that he is a freaking lame apple doesn’t really work for me. So when Maya wants to cuss she is welcome to do so in my car and only in my car. It has worked so far. Given the oppurtunity to say it a lot for a few minutes a day, she grows tired of it and moves on to a new word.
Oh and I am with you on that lame ass name. ;)
That’s a really awesome idea Melissa.
Testubg trstyst ttst…
testt ieths ioauhthha aythaojthoiahsih aoh oahs;oha; uob;aouih…
I knew a guy that was allowed to curse all he wanted at home - after he turned 16. I think the main point is that you need to have control over your cussing - and need to know when it is and is not acceptable. More to the point, there are many people out there who see cursing as a sign of disrespect and that you are “low class”. It also at times displays a lack of creativity - I knew an undergraduate who could use the word fuck as a verb, noun, adjective and adverb. He needed to branch out.
I am on the “stupid” wagon with my 8 year old bonus son. I also added “hate” to the list. My 5th grade english teacher took away the word “nice” so that we could not describe anything with what she called a “non word.” Also, as demonstrated, we don’t do step, we do Bonus. I like being a Bonus mom. Step mothers are for scary movies..
My daughter is starting to say “dammit” as well, always in the proper context. Rather than bursting with pride, or at least showing how proud I am that she’s said it appropriately, I innocently say, “did you mean to say darn it”? She immediately corrects herself. Now, I just have to learn to stop saying it myself.
Sure, we all slip now and then, but swearing is consistently crude and inappropriate. If it weren’t, then it wouldn’t be funny. Most people don’t have the timing of Eddie Murphy or George Carlin. It takes much more skill to make someone laugh while staying clean; I’ll take Bill Cosby or Brian Regan over Eddie Murphy any day.
Swearing lives in the moment, as a gut reaction, and thrives purely because of its shock value. I avoid writers who swear because, by and large, there’s simply no reason for it. Writing takes considered thought, and lacks the immediacy inherent in swearing.
Ultimately, there’s no iron-clad reason for anyone to swear, let alone me or my three-year-old.
(I’m tempted to make an exception for the British. They just do it so well!)
I’ve never sworn much, so it’s just natural for me to not swear on my blog. Besides, my mother reads my blog!
I hate the fact that the F-word has become so common as an adjective in everyday vocabulary. I hear it everywhere I go, in grocery stores and at the fair, on the beach and in McDonalds. My kids are going to hear these words… I know that. But I’d like them to not hear it until they’re just a tad older and can understand that we don’t repeat every single thing we hear.
My kids probably heard me scream profanity the other day when I dropped a 200-pound block of granite on my toe. I have no idea what I said because I was out of my mind with pain. It was probably some amalgamation of words like the father on “A Christmas Story” — “Gawladraminfaffenshizzelbumpuses!”