Practicing Parent
Poop and Boogies | July 17I was recently criticized for “trying too hard to make things perfect for [my] kids”. The conversation was well meaning in the fact that it was said in an effort to make sure that I did not stress myself out too much, that I wouldn’t burn out. It was said with love and caring and to insure I was getting some time to myself to recharge my batteries.
I did not take this criticism lightly. I thought when my wife and I decided to have children that my job was to try as hard as I could to make my kids’ lives perfect. I understand that that is an impossible task but I know I should at least try.
From the moment that my first child was born I always considered myself a Practicing Parent. Since there is no perfection in parenting, like medicine or law, and there is a serious learning curve that is associated with being a parent, I like the phrase Practicing Parent. The only problem is, unlike football or baseball, as a parent I am always IN THE GAME. Sure there is room for mistakes, but not much. Situations do arise that I get to DO OVER, but most times when dealing with a toddler those situations are few and far between.
As a dad I do believe that it is healthy to get away from time to time. A date night with my wife or maybe some alone time reading or watching something other than Jacks Big Music Show or Elmo on the television can make a big impact on my mental well being. But the reality is just because I am taking a breather doesn’t mean I stop being a parent. Time outs are reserved for misbehaving children.
My high school football coach, Mr. Injay, used to say, “Practice does not make perfect. Practicing perfect makes perfect.” And if we did not practice perfect we had to do 20 push-ups every time we screwed up. I try to practice perfect when it comes to raising my kids. Parenting is 90% mental and every now and then I find myself doing some mental push-ups either because I screwed up or because I am preparing myself for what comes next.
I do not consider myself a good dad. I do not consider myself a bad dad (I am also not fishing for comments or compliments because truth-be-told there are only two people who are qualified to judge me on this and I will have to wait until they are much older to get a real response). But I do consider myself to be practicing.
Besides reading parenting books (which I do not do) or parenting blogs (which I do) what type of mental preparation do you do? How do you practice?
I’m not a parent but…..
do you and Lauren ever discuss your parenting skills amongst yourselves? If so, do you give each other constructive critism?
I always feel that as long as the kids are happy, the parent’s are relatively happy, and there isn’t chaos 24/7 then you’re doing a good job. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Um. Practice?
On the job training.
I always say that no matter how hard I try my kids will eventually be in therapy complaining about what a horrible parent I was. This excuse helps me with the times when I know I’ve completely screwed up. The rest of the time I just do the best I can with the skills I have and will have and hope to have.
Nice entry…
I don’t get to practice. Not enough time in the day for practicing. They gave me a helmet and put me in the game. I learn as I go. If that play didn’t work we try another until that play doesn’t work, and so on.
Right now we appear to be in the fourth quarter and down 4 touchdowns, but I have a good punter.
I just try to remember that tomorrow is another day. If I was too impatent or found them to be a challenge or even when I do or sy things that I regret. I just remind myself that tomorrow is a new day and I can do better then. And it generally works out. I try hard to be a perfect parent, but I know I’m not. But at least I am giving it my all.
Practicing
Usually I just try to learn from what I see around me; what others do that I agree with or don’t agree with. Luckily there are a lot of people I can observe at the park, at daycare, where ever.
But I can only do this because I have a base that I created for myself. Being on kid number 2 I have been able to put some anxieties behind me.
i agree (typing one-handed now) that avoiding parenting books is wise. biggest waste of time
ok, got to go practice with the one that just woke up