The Potty Puzzle
Jay Andrew Allen | July 12
With apologies to Don Jay, I’d intended to post an entry welcoming him back into The Family before his first entry published. Alas, other business kept me from doing so in time. But becuse we went to the trouble of putting together a few quotes about his return, I’ve posted our official Blogfather’s welcome below. - BIYF
My littlest boy, Luka, turns three next month…and we just convinced the kid to step out of diapers.
Yeah, I know, here it comes: “What kind of insane parent lets their kid stay in diapers that long?!” You have to understand, this boy’s resistance to change is overwhelming. There are a half-dozen shirts in his drawer that he refuses to wear because they once belonged to his brother Jaxon. Attempt to dress him in one and he’ll tear it off, screaming, “NO! That’s GACKY’S!!” Getting him to wear hand-me-down underwear? Use the same on-the-toilet potty seat his sister once used? Pfffft. Talk to the toddler-hand. So when he refused to do his business anywhere but in a diaper, we chalked it up to the stubborness that he had obviously inherited from his mother’s side. (Ahem.)
Mind you, there’s only so much two parents can take. So this past weekend, we bought him a brand-new potty seat and a set of Superman underwear. Within hours, we had figured out what his “potty problem” was: he wanted to pee standing up. He wanted to let it fly just like he saw his daddy and his brother do it.
I should’ve known. It’s not like I haven’t seen this routine a million times before. Kid insists on something seemingly irrational. Parents get annoyed. Kid won’t drop it. Parents get pissed. Finally, just when parents are ready to sharpen a razor and draw a hot bath, kid says or does something to reveal that what we have here is a failure to communicate. Parents sigh in relief that they will live to see another sunrise.
If people are puzzles, kids are Rubik’s Cubes. Banging your head won’t get you anywhere with the little buggers. Luka was reminding me that, when faced with a kid challenge, the best course of action is to do nothing. Relax. Breathe deeply. Listen. Observe. Rather than insist that the kid follow your pre-defined path, let a solution present itself.
Which it will. Eventually. Hopefully, before you have a chance to lock the bathroom door.
At age three they have to start buying their own diapers.
[…] Beyond publishing book chapters and short kid-related anecdotes here, I’m also writing once a week or so over at The BlogFathers. Check out my first piece! […]
Gah. My son’s almost 3.5. He has some sort of insane fear of pooping on the potty. No amount of cajoling, bribing, talking, ignoring, or whining will change his mind. I figure I just need to teach him to change his own diaper, and then maybe he can just wear diapers until he’s tired of it. ;)
Yeah, we haven’t figured out how to get him to poop in it yet either. Must be some bizarre Freudian thing.
My son is 3.5 and miraculously DOES poop on the potty. It’s the peeing on a regular basis in there that we can’t get. He’s the type that if you push him into something he won’t do it for months. We’re just gently coaxing otherwise he won’t be trained until kindergarten. Ack. My 18mo old daughter sits on the potty clothed so I think we’ll be ok with her. Good luck with Luka!
Hey, Boss… welcome back to my reading list!!
We’ve got another 8 months before we hit three and the potty training is going pretty good. We’re not forcing anything since I’ve heard tons of stories aboiut traumatized kids. I actually don’t mind the diaper stage. The diapers now are so good they will absorb a small river full of poop and pee-pee and still stay dry (but it will smell..).
Just makes sure you teach your son to aim in the right direction while taking a leak. I can image lots of funny (?) situations when he gets distracted while peeing. Makes me think of an extremely drunk adult trying to aim properly. Not a pretty sight…
AD
Maybe you need the toddler urinal:
http://www.babygadget.net/2006/07/toddler_flushable_urinal.php
Our Okapis were still diapers at three and I honestly beleived they weren’t going to get out of them until they went off to college. There they would be, standing in the driveway, the car packed with their stuff, but there is still one more box to squeeze in. “Oh,” they will say, “I don’t need those diapers anymore. I can stop anytime.” And that’s how we’ll get them out of diapers.
Thankfully by the time they were 3.25, they were out of them. PHEW!!!!
i feel that pain. my kid is three and still in diapers half the time - mostly when we go out OR when we run out of clean underpants (i either need to buy more, or do laundry more often). up until three weeks ago he REFUSED to pee in the toilet. and then all of a sudden, he discovered he could pee standing up, and WOW. now he goes all the time, with prompting. although, if you dont watch him, he does use a roll of toilet paper at a time. wtf? i thought guys just shook it off and put it back in the pants?
still tho, he wont poop in the toilet. i dont know why. my gramma thinks i am scarring him for life because i havent forced him to do so yet. gaahh.
(after three years, i am sick of cleaning up someone elses poo. now that the end is finally in sight, i want to be THERE already, dammitt!)
I don’t think you or any other parent is insane for leaving their child in diapers that long! I mean, come on, what parent WANTS their child in diapers? I say good for you for following your son’s lead in this process. It can be a lengthy one (particularly for parents of boys).
My son had just turned three when he decided he wanted to use the toilet for the first time. He chose to do it at the hospital the day that his baby sister was born. We were floored (and relieved). Guess he felt like use the toilet was a requirement for beingn a big brother! Keep up the good work :)
My son is nine and we still have the occasional issue with toileting. Then again, he is also incredibly resistant to change (he didn’t start using the toilet until he was 3 1/2) and he has sensory issues.
Oh, and he’s really, really stubborn.
My BoyChild turned four last month and we are just this month getting him out of diapers and into BigBoy Underwear most of the time.
nice Kid… :) blessings to him… my mom also says the same about me… when I was young