“May their first child be a masculine child.” Or feminine, really it’s 50/50
Poop and Boogies | June 6One half of one percent is about the percentage of the human population that are born Hermaphrodites (born with both male and female genitalia). In this time of technological wonders most people can find out the sex of their baby at week 20 during a routine ultra-sound. This has been the subject of much debate with my family and people that I know. You would think that we are discussing such hot and contentious topics such as the death penalty, gay marriage or gun control laws.
I am all for finding out the sex of the baby. I can understand those that do not wish to know for their own pregnancies, but I have had people tell me they do not want to know the sex of my baby before it is born. We had one neighbor who was almost disgusted with us because we found out the sex of the baby (due any day now). She thought we should be surprised. Is it really that wrong to know? Basically it is a 50/50 chance. Is there really surprise with that?
What is your preference? Do/did you want to find out the sex of your kid while they were in the womb?
Found out for the third. I did not want to know with the first, felt like opening the Christmas present before Christmas. Same for the second, by the third we knew we were getting a present why not know what model.
I’ve never been what I call a “present peeker.” As a child, I always enjoyed the building anticipation of opening gifts at Christmas. My parents made us wait until after lunch on Christmas Day to open gifts, and then we opened them one at a time. So naturally, I’ve enjoyed the 9 months of anticipation leading up to finding out the sex of our baby. Of course, my wife is the definition of a present peeker and only humored me with this first baby. From here on out, we’ll always find out. As for continuing the agonizing Christmas tradition, that is yet to be determined.
I wanted it to be a surprise with my baby. I thought for subsequent pregnancies I would find out but, haven’t done that since there have been no subsequent pregnancies. If lightning strikes and that should happen, I would definitely want to know.
I wanted to know as soon as possible. I have no patience.
I still maintain that I was surpised when I found out their sexes, even at 18 weeks or 20 weeks or whenever it was. Of couse, not nearly as surprised as I was when I found out there were two of them in there.
I also found that it helped me with shopping and decorating. I think with a singleton there aren’t as many variables, but we would have had to choose three “sets” of names, instead of just two names.
For us, it was a matter of impatience. There is no way I could have gone through the whole thing not knowing and it would have driven me insane if I had to explain to people that we didn’t want to know. I cried when we found out Monkey Boy was a, well duh, boy. My brother was born at 5 1/2 mos and did not survive the hour. I wanted my kids to have an older brother as I’ve seen the positive influence they’ve had on my cousins and whatnot. Plus, we didn’t want all yellow and pastel green clothes. Blech. With Peanut it came down to do we toss all of Monkey Boy’s clothes for pink ones or are we having another Monkey? Finances played a big part. If we get pregnant again (my husband is in shock that the thought is even NEAR my head) we probably won’t find out just because we have one of each, what the hell, have one surprise. (I’ll probably ask the doc to tell just me though because again, I’m not patient. I’m a freak.)
We’re expecting at the end of August. Our first child will be unknown until the baby escapes the womb. However, everyone is telling my wife we’ll have a baby boy based on how she is carrying…
Not a parent yet but I would definitely want to know the gender before hand. To me the christmas present is the actual child and not the gender. But again, it’s each person’s preference and no one should critisize the other’s choice.
I didn’t know with my first three (they were all girls). With my last two, I really wanted to know. I had high hopes for a male child (yes, I know - how very shallow of me) and so I needed to find out and ‘adjust’ to the news prior to the glorious delivery day.
I have five daughters, whom I love with all of my heart. I’m glad I was able to mourn that which wasn’t meant to be ahead of the welcoming of my last two daughters. It made their birthdays all that much sweeter.
It bugs me when people say “it should be a surprise”. Well, DUH - it’s a surprise either way, right? I mean, the excitement of finding out at the ultrasound is just as sweet as finding out on the birthday, I would think.
Frankly, I don’t care what people choose to do and I don’t know why anyone would care what I choose to do. KWIM?
Had to know, with both. I hate surprises. My mantra is: Tell me now, I’ll be surprised now.
I’m with Sarah and JustLinda–it’s a surprise whenever you find out.
What’s really surprising is your neighbor’s reaction, given our experience, which is that “Do you know the sex?” is second only to “When are you due?” in the FAQ list. I got asked so often that I had to figure out a strategy to deal with the “What’s the sex?” question before we got our ultrasound: http://bradstein.blogspot.com/2006/01/grab-bag.html
Absolutely I wanted to know. It helps with planning (and dreaming).
I’m with the “it’s a surprise at 20 weeks, too” crowd.
But particularly, I like being able to use a pronoun other than “it”.
Yeah, I mean, how is it not a surprise either way? It’s just a surprise 20 weeks sooner! Plus, dh and I don’t even start talking names until we can narrow it down to one gender. :D
(30 weeks today, and no we have nothing resembling even a list of candidate names….)
I am also in the “it’s a surprise at 20 weeks” camp. It helped in the picking-a-name department. But I’m finding that people who don’t want to know what their own babies are get downright annoyed when you’ve found out what you’re having. Some can get positively militant about it. I chalk it up to hormones.
The REAL surprise? Having the ultrasound tell you one gender and the baby comes out the opposite one. OOPS! This didn’t happen to me… one of my mother’s former co-workers was told that she was having a girl at 20 weeks, and then when she had an amnio to test for lung maturity later, the doctor’s office said, “Well, slight change of plans…” She had already painted the nursery pink and had been given a baby shower! And this happened 18 months ago! Moral of story: pick gender-neutral paint.
I was just as surprised in the ultrasound lab as I would be in the hospital room. We found out on our last three but the first was uncooperative. I found that it eliminated some of the anxiety of child birth and how we approached preparing for the big day. Besides, I’m a control freak and I needed to know.
We were dead set on not finding out, and then Zeus, as she was known at the time, developed a kidney issue - and there were extensive ultrasounds. It became pretty much impossible not to know. We ended up knowing at week 18. I am glad I knew in retrospect because it helped to develop the ‘in womb’ relationship. We picked our name and had ’someone’ to talk to. It was nice.
I’m not pregnant and am not a mom but the minute my baby’s genitals develop we are in for the ultrasound. Again, the whole ‘it’s a surprise then anyway’ thing is my way of thinking. I’m a control freak. I want to be able to bond with the baby. I want to call ‘it’ but the proper name and not know who I’m talking to. And the whole decorating thing. It just makes sense.
Oh, and I used to unwrap all my presents before Christams and re-wrap them too. So, yeah, I’m still nuts.
The surprise for us was being pregnant after years and years of infertility. The sex of the baby was incidental at that point - and yet I absolutely wanted to know. We were pretty sure, but some complications required an amnio (which I was dead set against until then) and his “maleness” was confirmed. And it also ruled out any genetic issues, which was a bonus. We had friends who absolutely didn’t want us to tell them what “flavor” he was, but even they relented once the end grew closer. It was cool to have the hospital people ask his name and refer to him by that when we went through all the tests and stuff associated with an “issues” baby. That helped - as little as it seems - it helped make it seem more normal. I don’t think I could have survived if all the medical people kept referring to him as “your baby” or “the fetus.”
My wife and I decided not to find out the sex of our first child, but for the next two, we found out early. We thought we were veterans at this already so let us know early to see if we needed to shop for girl’s clothes or take out the hand me downs. For our second child, the initial ultrasound indicated a girl. However, for a second ultrasound, we saw his little wee-wee and find out he was boy. the doctor said he was probably turned in a way that hid it in the first ultrasound.
We agreed to make it a surprise but my wife did the dirty and went and found out during a weekend trip to see her mother (who no doubt had a large part to play in the dastardly deed). Now if I’d done something of a similar magnitude, I wouldn’t be here to tell the tale…
I am pregnant for the second time and we will find out the gender of this baby as we did our last. I think waiting 20 weeks is long enough, it’s a half-way point in the pregnancy and for me it’s like an extra incentive to finish the last half. Not knowing would make the pregnancy which is already TOO long, drag on and on and on.
That’s a higher rate than I’d have expected for hermaphroditism. Austism (totally unrelated) hits one in 165 (that’s about 6/10 of one percent), and it seems to be a veritable epidemic.
I guess families probably keep their hermaphrodite kids a secret. And get them ‘fixed’ in whichever direction the kid seems closer to. Or in the bad old days, it probably got ‘fixed’ through infanticide, just like more visible deviations from the norm.
As far as finding out the gender, I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s not like you’re doing a water birth at home with a hippie midwife.
I had to know! I don’t generally enjoy surprises in the first place so waiting until 20 weeks was long enough for me. Plus there’s so much other craziness at child birth itself, it was nice to not have “is it a boy? is it a girl?” pressing on my mind at the same time.
Ultimately, we needed IVF to get pregnant and after so much intervention on the front end, we decided we didn’t want to know the gender before the baby was born. People thought we were absolutely insane for not finding out.
We found out both times. It makes naming and shopping a little easier.
I hate surpises.
Didn’t know. Don’t want to know. Actually misspotted gender as the baby was being lifted up. Very happy with my son.
As for the shopping - not knowing is great. Who wants to be buried in an avalanche of one color or the other? Besides your child will have its whole life for you to gender them. Why start any earlier?
We didn’t find out with the first. The suprise was fun and my doctor let my husband tell me that we had a boy. I think I will find out with future babies for planning purposes, but it was so fun tormenting my friends who wanted me to find out that I might find out and then not tell people.
We didn’t find out for any of our three (they were all girls). For us, spending the time trying to guess what the sex is / thinking of how it would be with another girl or a boy was part of the pregnancy.
When we start trying for #4, I just assume it will be a girl at this point.
I go with those that say you have enough to worry about without having to “worry” whether it is a boy or a girl. Why not know so that you can prepare “properly” for a boy or a girl, rather than leaving everything “neutral” (Read: Yellow).
My brother recently had what was, according to two ultrasounds, his third daughter. Opps, he’s a cute little guy, but was a total surprise.
I knew with both of mine prior to their birth. I liked having the pre-baby time to prepare their rooms and personalize them.
I think that being surprised at the gender is like showing up at your own wedding and walking down the aisle to see who’s at the end as a surprise. Completely rediculous. I want to start the process of thinking and obsessing about the kidlet, and gender is a part of that processing. It also helps me know what are of Old Navy I need to set up camp in.
I figured, as a first-time giver-of-birth, that there were enough surprises in store for baby’s birthday. Didn’t need gender to be a surprise. In any case, what we were keenest to learn that day was whether baby was healthy. Knowing the sex didn’t detract at all from our joy at her arrival. Nor could it have.
I waited with all 3. There is nothing like that moment at delivery.
I totally found out. I figured we could be surprise at 20-ish weeks (and have time to prepare for a boy) or we could be surprised at 9 months (and have NO time to prepare)…I am so glad i found out. Childbirth itself is a “surprise” experience and i dont feel i missed out on anything.
I knew people who seemed disgusted with me for finding out the sex of MY baby as well. Um..its MINE. i can know if i want.
I wanted to know both times. The first time they were right. The second time they were wrong. My advice to all is, at least have the other sex name picked out. Just in case. ;)