A guide for new parents
Child's Play x2 | June 1Editor’s Note: This was originally posted on my personal blog at childsplayx2.com. The responses I received from this post made me think it might benefit from a bigger audience - with those excellent comments added on at the end. What tips would you give a new parent?
1) Lowrider pants for babies? Eyeballing the size of baby clothes is an acquired skill. What I’ve learned is if you go by the age on the label of baby clothes, it will be too small. For example, if your baby is 6 months old, go with the 9 month clothes. I cannot tell you how many times I tried on an outfit only to find that the baby had almost outgrown it. They won’t fit into those clothes for long so wear them early and wear them often.
2) How do I look in this thong? Always have the next-sized diaper on hand. One day, the baby will fit fine into that size one diaper and the next day your baby will look like it’s sunbathing on the French Riviera. Trust me, the thong look isn’t what you want when it’s time for your baby to go Number Two.
3) What’s up doc? We have taken full advantage of our health plan’s advice nurse. We’ve made at least 4 or 5 visits to the emergency room or to the “after-hours” pediatrician. Just resign yourself to the fact that you may have to drop everything and go to the doctor. For some reason, babies seem to know when you have an important meeting at work or when American Idol is on and they pick that time to start tugging painfully at their ear.
4) There’s no I in TEAM. Raising a baby is everyone’s job. Dads, I love you. I really do. But we get a bad rap when it comes to baby care out there and the only way we’re going to beat this rap is for us to rise up and change diapers, do 3:00 a.m. feedings, and play with the kids. Oh, and moms out there, I love you too. I really do. But you have to trust us dads just a little bit. I mean, what are the chances we’ll actually maim the child? It’s really very slim.
5) It’s 1:00 p.m., do you know where your child is? Getting your baby on a schedule is probably the best thing you can do for you and your child. With twins, the schedule got us through the first year. It will get you through your first year too. Nap times? Same time every day. Feeding times? Ditto. Your baby will respond well and you’ll be happy knowing what your day will look like.
6) Sleeping Beauty. Everyone has ideas on how to get a baby to sleep through the night. We used a modifed version of the Ferber method but the important thing is to use the method you feel most comfortable with. Just know that once a baby is ready to sleep through the night, do your best to facilitate it. Why torture yourself any longer than necessary?
7) No one likes a know-it-all. When it comes to parenting, we can never know it all. Keep yourself open to new ideas because when you continue to learn, your baby is the winner.
Sarah says: It isn’t going to be at all what you expected. It will be harder than you thought and better than you thought.Don’t worry about what the other parents say you have to do. Whatever works for you is right, and it won’t be the same for every child you have. Go with the flow.Other advice - always keep plenty of diapers and wipes on hand. You never want to run out on the one occasion your child decides to actually take a nap.Corrine says: Learn to say “No”. When visiting family or when family visits, learn to politely tell them when your child’s schedule dictates something, or when it isn’t convenient to drive 10 hours to see family. You know what’s best for your child.Deanna says: When someone offers you help, TAKE IT. Go to someone else’s house for dinner. Accept the babysitting offers (if you are comfortable with the person offering). Don’t try to be Supermom/Superdad - it’ll just burn you out.Also, never be afraid to ask questions. Ask the doctors, the nurses, your parents, people you trust. Even if it seems silly, ask it anyway. You’re a first-time parent - no one expects you to know it all. Go to the experts.NEVER leave the house without making sure that your diaper bag is fully stocked. I once got caught with a poopy diaper and ONE wipe left. Never again, I vowed. I bought a disposable package of 12 at Target and left it in the bottom of the diaper bag for emergencies. I also make sure that I’ve got at least an extra change of onesies/shirts and pants (knit ones take up less room) for each kid, and a spare bib. You never know when a kid will decide to make a mess of their clothes and need to be “freshened up.”
Brenda says: Never say to yourself “I’ve got this parenting thing down.” Because just when you do, they’ll change things up on you. It’s all about flexibility.
Amy says: Ditto on the diaper bag thing–I just keep one fully stocked waiting by the back door. I have a little routine where I restock the diaper bag and all three changing stations throughout the house every Monday. (Parents benefit from routines, too!)
I didn’t set a schedule from the beginning, but instead let my babies fall naturally into a schedule, which happened at about 4 months. Schedule doctor’s appointments, etc. around your baby’s schedule.
One thing I am so glad I have done: document everything with pictures (and a blog, if you are so inclined). You think you’ll remember all the little stages and the way they looked, but it’s only been a year for us, and when I look back at my pictures, I’m always shocked by how much I’ve forgotten already.
Nat says: Oh gawd! Advice, tips, I have scoured the internet, looking for the one glimmering of something that makes sense, combed through all my baby books, and cross examined grandparents like a Philadelphia lawyer on “what did you do when… whatever”. I know only one thing. Just when you get that routine in a smooth groove, something will happen, and bam it goes, just when you start thinking, this baby thing is EASY, that’s when you come up on the next milestone, and you start over again. Do what Matthew says, stick to the routine, and get things done between naps, another comment was, some thing are non-negotiable so make sure relatives and friends know that about baby. I keep a food and sleep log, so I know immediately when something is off, or if it’s a trend or just a glitch in the matrix. That’s the best advice I can give.
Julie says: The schedule thing is important, whether you let the baby fall into his/her own schedule or whether you kind of “mold” you baby to a schedule you pick. Always remember that there will always be those off-schedule days because of sickness, teething, nightmares or whatever, but do you best to keep it up.
Kristied says: I would definitely say the schedule thing is the most important thing. Getting them on a schedule is key!! And that does include using some sort of sleep method. Whatever method you chose, you have to stick to it for a few weeks. the hardest part of getting the kid on a schedule is putting yourself on a schedule.
Other than that, i would say that accepting help when it is offered and standing firm on your own parenting decisions are important as well. If it works for you and your child, then good!!
Andrea says: Every child is different (As we twin parents find out very quickly). What works(ed) for one or two children may not work for another (or twins). Please don’t offer advice if you haven’t been asked. There are so many good resources out there and if we can’t find it, we’ll let you know. And if you ask for advice, there are always plenty of people willing to give it, even if they have never had kids or twins or…. Don’t feel obligated to use it or to explain why you are doing something differently to someone who doesn’t agree with your choice. As the parent, you know your child the best.
Shan says: The best advice I got was from my father in law in regards to holidays, family gatherings, family visits and such. He said, “you take your cues from the kids because in my experience if the kids aren’t happy then you aren’t happy. The rest of us will just have to fall in line.”
Also enjoy each stage your child is at. The dishes, laundry and vacuuming will wait. Take time out to play with your baby. They’ll be grown up before you know it.
JGS says: I absolutely second the schedule, the sleep (we had to use different techniques with each one of our Okapis), and the team concept. Four other things for expecting/new parents to think about.
1. Create your Guiding Principles of Parenting together - what are the overarching goals and principles you and your partner believe in? What kind of person do you want your child to be when they are 25 or 30 and how can you help them get there? Examples include - unconditional love, creating rituals, limits and boundaries, marriage/relationship, etc. These will help with dealing with how to handle getting them to sleep, eating, etc.
2. Don’t forget to take time out to enjoy your babies (or baby for those crazy people who only have one at a time). Sometimes it gets so hectic, so stressful it easy to forget that all of this is over little beings who you love immensely.
3. Don’t neglect your marriage/relationship. Take time whenever you can together to maintain your connection. It is the foundation of your new family and you two will need each other’s support and strength to get through difficult times. If things are good between you that becomes much easier.
4. Some parents - especially Dads and working parents - don’t always feel an immediate connection to their children. This is normal and NOT a sign of something wrong with you. You will develop a connection over time and before you know it you will be overwhelmed with how strongly you feel for your babies.
Kristen says: Numbers 5 and 6 are directly related. If you stick with a schedule, the sleeping through the night thing is SOOOO much less painful. I have two kids with VERY different personalities, yet the routine is what got them both sleepign through the night at an early age, despite some challenges.
Damn it. I needed this advice BEFORE we became parents two years ago:-)) Excellent advice across the board. Since we became parents we have continued to travel a lot and of course we have taken our son with us on all 25-ish flights so far. So we have seen many parents in various countries. You mention a very important trait, at least to me and my wife, and that is that men need to step up and take responsibility and also do the “unpleasant” stuff. Not only going to the playground on sunny and warm afternoons. There are many fathers who are doing a fantastic job but sadly I have seen many more who are not chipping in enough (or barely at all) I see that wherever I go and it’s alsmot rare to see a father that’s extremely involved. I would like to see more fathers involved in all aspects of raising their child. It would be great for father, family, and child. Just my 2 cents….
Have a nice weekend
AD
In regards to # 6. I found that the method that is most Uncomfortable for the parents, is the one that ususally works. But after a few days you get realize it works and then you are no longer uncomfortable.
I’m still trying to buy into this whole ’schedule’ thing you people keep talking about. The Pickle is now 4 months old, and I dont think she’s had a similar day twice.
Thanks for the tips! The schedule thing completely saved our sanity. I’d never argue for a completely rigid timetable, but a rough schedule did the trick for us. For selfish reasons, it’s such a bonus knowing that by 7:30pm both boys will be fast asleep in bed and the evening is ours! It took a bit of perseverance, but they fell into the routine surprisingly quickly.
Just 2 things:
1) If it doesn’t work, don’t force it. Parenting methods don’t work the same for all children, so accept now that you’re going to have to do some changing and compromising.
2) Love your baby. Sounds obvious, but I’ve seen some people forget the simple joys of holding, rocking, and playing with their baby amid the stress of being a new parent and trying to do things “right.”
A friend of mine gave me the best tip ever before we had our first. I have lived by this and it has served me well.
rule #1) a bunch of people are going to give you advice. Don’t listen to any of it.
Amen to the routine, brother.
My twins are coming up on two years and we still have the routine going (thank you to daycare). Our guys sleep three hours in the afternoon and sleep 6:30pm- 6:30am. Then we can have adult time.