Sexual Parenting
Genuine | May 11
I’m certainly not that teen in puberty stage where a picture of road kill could invoke thoughts of sex, but as a male we all know that we have sex on the brain. This is something that waxes and wanes depending on the moment. Some days we think about sex like the holy grail, and other days, sex is like watching a Japanese chick flick without subtitles. As a Husband and Father to four it has become increasingly difficult to get on the same page with my wife and make all of the planets align to allow us those intimate moments. In fact, up until the moment of the Alleged Whacking, each time we were afforded this experience she became pregnant again.
As we had more children, the experience was more and more difficult to choreograph. It usually took an act of congress and the proper planning to allow a little private time to express our husband and wife dance. A good roll in the hay is good for the parenting soul, and in my mind it helps the morale for the battle on the child rearing front. Parents are less irritable, can get a little needed exercise and can look back and remember what caused this crazy family thing to begin with–we actually liked each other. I recently wrote about Parents Getting Their Groove On and it was nice to see that people actually have the same problems and some even gave some tips to make it work.
How about you? How do you make time to get your groove on?
The door has a lock and the pillows muffle my mouth!
I would mention we used to use the bathroom to “talk” until the 11 & 13 year old girls pointed out that the ac duct transmits the sound “clearly” straight into the kitchen.
Since we live with my inlaws, I’ve gotten bold enough to ask my mother in law to run interferance with my father in law when he comes downstairs to watch tv. The living room is just outside our bedroom. When we say we’re gonna watch a movie, my father in law blushes, giggles then goes upstairs. Otherwise we would have to wait until they go out of town which is only once every 6 weeks or so. The husband would DIE if that was the case. Plus the inlaws watch the two kids. It’s embaressing, the thought of gettin your freak on in the inlaws’ house but you do what you have to do.
Our son sleeps in another room so that’s not a problem. We also have a babysitter once a week when we got out and act irresponsible, just the two of us. Usually just nice dinner and drinks but it’s still a nice break.
Our son goes to bed at 8 pm. so we don’t really have any constraints except perhaps being tired or somilar lame excuse. It will get more challenging when child number two comes along in August but I think it will work out fine.
AD
Once our kids are in bed, we usually have the rest of the night free. Though we do have to “beware of the toddler”, just in case she decides to come looking for us if she wakes up. But she usually starts crying first, which gives us a heads-up. So far, though, we’ve been fairly successful. Sometimes spontenaity is sacrificed to expediency, but somehow it still works and we’re still sleeping in the same bed together.
“How about you? How do you make time to get your groove on?”
Answer: In the shower…..OH you MEANT with the wife……Sorry,
“How about you? How do you make time to get your groove on?”
If we ever figure one out, I will gladly pass it along.
OK. so this isn’t a problem of mine . . .
but there’s this friend of mine, who suffers a similar problem that could definitely use some advice on convincing his wife that its OK to have sex again after a bad birth.
He’s now over a year, and still hoping. No kidding. She had significant damage and is just terrified. Any suggestions?
Pickle’s Papa: Call Dr. Ruth!
No seriously, it can be a scary thing getting back into the bump and grind mode after child birth. I myself had to shake some of the visuals out of my head before things became more amourous. The best thing is to listen to her fears and understand the difficulties together. Start out having that other kinda sex. That closeness that doesn’t involve any rough stuff. She’ll come around. I mean tell your friend that…
Maybe we could turn this into a post and let the ladies chime in.
Hooboy! I agree that leaving the wife alone for 6 weeks is good policy. If there was an episiotomy maybe even more than 6.
I don’t agree that getting up in the night is going to turn the wife “happy” instead of “sleepy.” Heck, I stayed up with my latest for hours every night because his colic was awful and he was loud — and it didn’t get me a thing!
Egads… a year? When I had my son the birth was just short of horriffic for my poor parts down there. I was scared to death of anything else going near that area… but I’m pretty sure we managed to try the first time after 3-6 months or so? I could be insane. My husband probably remember how long it was. :D
It did hurt. It wasn’t fun at first. It just took a lot of slowness and practice. It helps if you decide ahead of time that it’s okay if it doesn’t work out, but just to try.
I was in labor for 42 hours, pushed for 3 hours, and that was just the beginning. Your friends wife is understandably scared, but maybe they can try what we tried.
Cuddling, back massages, feet massages, lotion. Once she gets a bit more relaxed, she might be more willing to kiss. Once she’s comfortable with that, take it another step forward. I don’t want to be graphic, but the size of her husband might scare her. So try something smaller, much smaller (a finger perhaps) and work up from there.
baby steps—excuse the pun