The Art of Parenthood
Genuine | April 28
It’s easy for us parents to understand the trials and tribulations of being a Mom or Dad, but it is often difficult to explain to the childless people of the world. Aunts and Uncles get a taste for parenting whenever they have a day with the kids, but they never get the full monty of parenting. The kids usually stay for the evening or an afternoon and then they go home, but not too many get to experience that day in and day out feeling of responsibility of parenting.
I am often asked by the childless “how do you do it?” I am never sure how to begin the explanation of my answer to that question. A parent just puts one foot in front of the other and you begin that journey one baby step at a time.
This evening my wife and I are leaving our children with my brother and sister-in-law while we attend a fund-raiser for my kids’ school. They are one of those couples that are “Childless By Choice”. It’s only for a few hours so again, they won’t get that full on feeling of being parents except for the period of time they worry about one of my kids burning down their house or wonder how that indelible marker is going to come out of that Persian rug. I often wonder what they would be like as parents, proving that misery truly loves company.
I posted the picture of Steve Martin and Jason Robards from the movie “Parenthood“, because it is a classic movie that I feel best describes life as a parent in many different settings. Single parenting, young parents, parents to be, and so forth. Frank, Robards’ character sums it up as:
There are no guarantees in being a parent. You cannot guarantee that you’ll raise your children into perfect adults. You just go out there and do the best for your children.”
of course he also said of parenting:
It’s like your Aunt Edna’s ass. It goes on forever and it’s just as frightening.
That pretty much sums it up. If you want to know my take on what it feels like to be a Father, Gil, Martin’s character portrays some of my fears and thoughts very clearly. Sometimes I too feel like:
“Women have choices, and men have responsibilities.”
and the ever popular:
“My whole life is ‘have to.’ “
In fact I think when my wife and I discovered our fourth child was on the way I might have even quoted Gil:
”Well, great! Let’s see how I can screw the fourth one up! Hey, let’s have five. Let’s have six. Let’s have a dozen and pretend they’re donuts!”
I often talk about the evil of parenting, but there are just as many times that being a Father is rewarding. I have lots of warm fuzzy things that I remember far more than I remember the bad times. I think those bad times are merely for balance. We tend to dwell on the things that are tough and the things that we fear, and forget to live those things that bring us the most joy. Especially those times when we get to be a kid and play dress up like Cowboy Dan.
For the childless choosers out there that want an idea of what we go through on a daily basis, rent Parenthood next time you want to have a quiet evening at home during the week. Turn the volume up to 11, and then try to get some sleep, while trying to fold clothes, vaccum, and juggling a project at work, all while holding a 10 pound bag of sugar. That’s the art of parenting.
As expectant parents (due in July), Mama and I have been wondering how we’ll be on the 24/7 shift. I often think of Robards’ lines in Parenthood about parenting never ending, even after your kids are no longer children–especially when I call my Mom because I had a bad day, am feeling sick, etc. The answer to our questions is on his way, but maybe tonight we’ll break out the movie, a bag of sugar, some laundry, the vacuum, and see how we do.
The best part about this post? Seeing that parents don’t lose their perspective or their sense of humor. Not that Mama or I expect to, but sometimes we wonder, given how many of our childless friends tell us that our lives are going to end when we have a baby, which makes me think of John Cusak’s question in “Say Anything” about sitting behind the Gas ‘N Sip on a Saturday night.
Meet you there at 10:00 p.m. tomorrow night! A few of us dads will be there.
I think rather than the “Art” of Parenting, it should be called the “Craft” of Parenting.
You have an object (child) that you are going to do you your best to “create” the best human being you can, without any previous experience or tutoring. THAT is more like somebody trying to “Do A Craft” than “Art” ;)
Lets have a dozen! Why not?
Not me, I am DONE @ THREE
As a college student, I thought “Parenthood” was funny. Now, as a mother of two, I realize just how true it is. My sister gave my husband the movie on DVD last Christmas, and he and I watched it about a month ago. We laughed, we cried, we exchanged knowing looks, we said “Can you believe that is Joaquin Phoenix playing Gary??”
Full disclosure: we are not done with two. But number three had better not show up until #1 and #2 are potty-trained.
Great post! The Queen’s Mum and I are still rookies at this whole parenting thing and frequently comment, “People really do this more than once?”. As to the question, “How do you do it?” I have simply replied, “It’s not like you have a choice once the baby has arrived. It’s one minute, one day, one week, one month at a time and before you know it you look back and say, “How did our little girl get so big this quickly,”. Parenting, it’s the toughest job we’ll ever love.
My favorite quote about parenting is one my husband’s aunt shared with me when I was going through the trials and tribuations of TEENAGER-HOOD with my first born daughter… She said “Don’t worry so much, Linda. Kids are like pancakes - the first one never turns out right.” hahahha
Actually, I think it might be the opposite. We put so much thought and energy into the first one that he or she is likely to have the accummulated sum of all our reading and thought. It’s the 5th one, my little baby girl who is nearly 2, who may well suffer the most… she pretty much lives on dog kibble and Blue’s Clues. What used to be the 5 second rule turned into the 5 minute rule. We’re much more casual and laid back with her than we were 4 older sisters ago….
“Grandpa took me on a roller coaster. Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride! You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn’t like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.”
Couldn’t describe parenting any better than that.
When I first saw Parenthood, I was so affected by it, so moved by it. So much so that now that I have kids, I can’t watch it. I think if it was a painful movie to see before I had children, I can only imagine what it would be like afterwards.
Genuine, I also wanted to say I understand the focus on the negative. I find I write about the negative because it is unresolved, it festers in my brain, in my stomach until I figure it out or, at least, express it. The positive experiences tend to be fleeting, like wisps of clouds rolling by in the sky, while the negatives are like tractor trailers on the highway that don’t let you pass them.
I have one son, now grown and in college. He was an easy child…never had any problems raising him. But I always remember my brother’s comment “you’re not a real parent until you have 2 or 3 kids.”
Personally, I think this comment was the result of his unruly children needing better parenting. All parenting has it’s ups and downs and you never really know how they are going to turn out. I did pretty well, since I was a single parent.