I Hate Being The Oldest
Genuine | April 26Growing up the oldest of four children was tough. It seemed as though my parents were always harder on me than on my siblings. Things that I would do and get in trouble for seemed to be overlooked by my parents years later when my brother did the same. I am now on the other side of the coin, and I am parenting four children, and I too seem to be using the oldest as a test case for the other three.
A classic example, not necessarily related to discipline, but as a way of illustration is the way we react to what happens when a child bumps their head on a piece of furniture. When this happens for the very first time, you are sitting in the emergency room thinking through all of the possible ways of dealing with your child’s new brain damage and permanent disability. After the fourth child, a bump on the head has to have resulting skull fracture and blood streaming from the ears before you think of bothering with the hospital trip. You learn as you go with these things.
We aren’t given, at least I wasn’t given, a manual when they hand you that bundle of joy and tell you to go home after a couple of days. This parenting thing is like any other, the only real way to experience it, is on the job training. This is not really fair to that first child.
I made light about a problem we are having with my oldest on my blog today. We are learning what works as punishment and consequences with our oldest. I admit that not all children react the same way to tactics of raising them, but on the whole, things that I have learned and situations that I have experienced have helped me deal with the same stages with my other children. It also helps when the other children are close enough in age to see the consequences when certain things have been perpetrated by the older sibling. If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime type of parenting.
Perhaps I’m jaded because I too had to be the guinea pig sibling. I suppose it would be the same with an only child. What about you, where do you fall in the pecking order. For you youngest children, do you think you got away with more than the oldest?
I, too, am the oldest of four. I definitely was the guinea pig child, but my parents claim that I suckered ‘em good as a kid. I was a very compliant, eager-to-please girl. I always did my homework, I loved school, and the biggest trouble I ever got into as a teenager was missing my curfew (once). My brother, though heavily involved in baseball, still managed to give my parents a hard time, and my middle sister led us all on a dance that still has consequences to this day. My youngest sister is only 13, so there’s still time for her to give my parents some more gray hairs. My siblings blame me for being too good and raising the bar on them. All I can tell them is, I was there first!! Ha ha!!
Incidentally, my oldest is not very compliant at all. Of course, she’s two. Her younger brother, on the other hand, is the most laid-back, easygoing baby on the face of the planet.
I’m the oldest of two (both boys). I remember arguing with my parents when I was a kid about how much easier my younger brother had it. I also performed experiments in who ran to mom first to complain about something, and found that whoever ran to her first was “safe” and the other one got into trouble.
I only have one child so far; we’ll see how we act whenever #2 comes along….
I am the youngest of 3 girls. My sisters are 11 and 13 years older than I am. My sisters couldn’t date or get their ears pierced until they were 16, I got to do the same at 12. My mom let me walk off with the mailman at the age of 2 because I wanted to walk and she was damn tired of walking with me! She later realized what she had done, called a neighbor, and she said that Louie the Mailman was safe. She would let me cross 2 streets by myself at the age of 3, as she watched out from the porch. Somehow, I doubt she would’ve done the same with my sisters. And I often get tons of crap from my sisters, and have for my whole life, that I shouldn’t complain because I have it MADE in terms of getting away with most everything right under the nose of our mom.
Well I guess I will be the first “middle” child. Yes, the ignored one. I had an older brother and a younger sister. That suited me just fine as I disapeared a lot on my own. Still do to this day :)
I am the youngest of 6. Did I get away with stuff? Well besides the world changing in the 19 years that seperate my oldest sibling and my birth, I guess you could say that I got away with things. But I didn’t get all the things my siblings got. There is truth in that parents may not make as many of the same mistakes, but their are still mistakes to be made. I was the baby, and maybe forgiven more easily, but what the oldest sibling can never understand is what it is like to live with an older silbling(s).
I’m the oldest of two, with a brother four years younger (I also have 5 stepbrothers, who I gained at age 22). My younger brother has always been ‘the baby’–when we were growing up, and even after my dad remarried. Brother G. was also the youngest grandchild for many ears on both sides of the family. I think I got punished more (and more harshly) for bad behavior than he did, which used to really cheese me off, until I noticed he also got babied a lot more in ways that were not appealing to me–for example, I could stay at home by myself (or with him) when I was in 8th grade, and he couldn’t stay home alone or babysit other kids until after he learned to drive. Any time he was having any kind of a problem in school (no matter how minor), he was coddled and worried about–to the point that he tried to hide serious problems from our parents, especially Mom, who had that unique talent of making you feel worse when she was honestly trying to be sympathetic.
Growing up, I made some bad decisions and was punished by my parents for them; but I learned how to take care of myself from my mistakes. My parents and other relatives fussed so much over G. and tried to shield him from so many things, that it took him a longer time to find his feet and independence as an adult. So, I guess we’re even now.
I am the oldest and I loved it. I felt special! My mother was famous for saying she raised four only children. The fact is their experimentation scared me straight. I was a model child, my brothers and sister could not compete. By the time my youngest brother came into his own they were just plain tired.
I have three children all within four years, I wonder how it will work out in my family and i blog about it everyday.
I’m the oldest. The thing is, there was such a difference between my sister and I that my parents couldn’t, and don’t, treat us the same.
Personality of the child, regardless of their age, has a lot to do with how they are treated. I’m going through it now with my two. It’s amazes me that two children, coming from the same parents, can be so damn different.
I was the youngest of four. What you say is true — my parents were probably more leniant with the younger two than the older two. The older ones complained about that a lot. ;)
On the other hand, you know how sometimes kids have ways of fooling their parents? Well, the oldest ones get away with that a lot more. By the time the fourth comes along, the parents already know all the tricks. You don’t get away with ANY of that nonsense. The fourth kid will never manage to trick their parents. :P (Of course, that could be why I’m so law-abiding and was always “good”. I never ever ever ever got away with anything. Ever. The rules were less strict, but oh my, were they enforced…)
I’m the youngest of six, and I think that, like most things, any position in the lineup has advantages and disadvantages. Although one could say that I got away with a lot, I was never unchallenged when I went astray. My mom had learned to pick which battles to really fight over, however, so neither of us wasted too much time or got too hurt over the small stuff, which I think was more important to her than letting me get away with anything. The disadvantage of that is that it was much harder for me to get a rise out of her than for the older siblings. By the time I came along and wanted to do the whole teenage rebellion thing, she had seen it all.
One disadvantage is the babying. I think that some in my family are still amazed that I’m allowed to drive. I’m 37, but I’ll always be that little baby boy to them.
Sure, you’ll make mistakes with the oldest, but you’ll make mistakes with all of them. All of us will. They’ll be different mistakes with each one, partially because there’s no other way to do this, and partially because they’re all different kids. A wise man once said to me, “This mistake is only a tragedy if we don’t learn something from it.” You’re learning as you go, improving as you go–that’s the best that any of us can do.
i am the older of 3 girls. My sisters will admit freely that their were plenty of things they were able to do that i got in trouble for, or had to fight to be allowed to do. Then again, there were things i got to do that i screwed up so bad, my parents wouldnt let my sisters do at all. So i guess there is a good and bad side of both.
I also know that my parents were able to use the same discipline methods with myself and my middle sister, but my youngest sister: she didnt care if she got grounded, beat (they didnt beat us, but you know…) or had material things taken away. The only thing that worked with her was taking money from here. We used to get some really pathetic allowance. (Like a few dollars a week if my parents remembered to pay us) My parents would take that from her and that was the only punishment she cared about. She is still like that. you can do anything to her, but dont mess with her money.
I was the oldest of two, and my brother still rubs it in about how he was able to get away with murder. We have only one child, so unless things change drastically, she will be out test case and won’t know the difference.
well, I for one am worried about the bump thing.
I managed to let my 15-month old fall down the deck steps last evening and a rock-sized knot popped up on his forehead. I don’t know how he evaded stitches.
The fall was horrible looking. his head was bent and pushed down into his back. That fall would have snapped an adult’s neck.
I’m also the oldest of four. many times a simple acknowledgement by my parents that things were different for my younger siblings and that they had made some mistakes with me would have gone a long way toward minimizing my adolescent bitterness.
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