Different Daddy
Genuine | April 17As I sat in my recliner watching Anastasia with Genuine Boy and Genuine Toddler, I wondered if my own father had ever really been in that situation. My father was not much on affection. His idea of loving his children was being the provider, or the hunter/gatherer. His job was to be the foundation for the rest of the family to have the comforts of a roof over their heads, food in their bellies and a warm and dry place to sleep.
My son rested his head on my chest and I felt him absent mindedly rubbing the whiskers on my face, and the toddler slowly drifted of to sleep tucked in on the other side of me as I watched his chest rise and fall knowing his security caused him to nap. This was truly a reward of fatherhood. It made me wonder if growing up my own father had moments of the feeling of fatherhood, short of having to be the hammer of discipline or the rock we all relied upon. My father and I never really bonded in such a way when I was young. I would have never crawled up on his lap to watch television. It made me a bit sad to think that he may have missed out on the rewards that I had experienced in that one moment.
I think it must have been a time when fathers roles were different. Perhaps it was not in the job description back when I was young. Fathers’ roles have changed after mothers began to enter the work force and duties were shared. I knew men growing up that had never changed a diaper, had never held a sick child or fed a bottle to a newborn. This was just not in the list of things that fathers did because it was woman’s work. I wonder where we men went wrong in our evolution?
My husband watches TV with our kids in his lap, too, and I know that his father is not the affectionate type. His mother overcompensated for that fact, and let his dad be the bad guy. She cannot discipline her grandchildren to save her life, either, but that’s another story. The interesting thing is that my father-in-law is mellowing out big time… my daughter has him wrapped around her little finger. She sits in his lap all the time to watch TV. Maybe he would have been easier on his son (an only child), if he had had a daughter to soften him up sooner.
Honestly, I think that’s more of a cultural perception of a father from a few generations ago. My Dad and speaking with other friend’s about their own father’s were more affectionate while we/they were younger. My own grandfather is very affectionate with my daughter, which makes me wonder if he was when his kids were younger). Maybe it’s just something that’s not widely shared or even talked about until now since mother’s share that freely (until now when we can Blog about it)…
I think that at some point men went “Omg, this baby stuff is HARD. I’ll be hunting if you need me.”
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I think the division of roles was more strict with our parents (at least with mine). My mother - even after she started working was still the primary caretaker for us kids. My father was the primary provider. He was never very confident or comfortable with himself and I imagine him thinking, “Well, she is doing a better job than I could - what could they want from me? What could I really give them?” So he did what he could, which was to provide. It’s sad to think about all he missed out on because his wife didn’t really allow him to play an important caretaking role and because he didn’t have the inner courage or will to be more than he was, to be more than his father.
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