The Mysteries of Parenting
Genuine | March 22
As a father of four kids, I often sit around with nothing to do but decide how badly I’m screwing up my children and adding to the years of therapy I have already inflicted upon them. This resulted in thinking what it would be like to be a single parent, and the difference in the way men rear their children versus the way that women would handle the children. I should say up front that you single parents amaze me and I bow before your greatness.
I think there is definitely differences in the way men raise children and the way women raise children. My wife would say, “Yeah, we do it the right way”. For instance when our youngest is wanting attention from Mommy, he will get out his noise maker and began this chant/cry noise that causes the fillings in my teeth to ache, and I have to go into the next room and see what could possibly be so incredibly horrific to cause such a wail. In entering the room I notice he is sitting on the floor right next to Mommy.
As I walk over with fingers in both ears I ask, “Can’t you hear that?”
“Hear what?” she asks.
This is a classic example of handling situations differently. She can tune him out and fold laundry while I’m across the house trying feebly to shut out the noise that is causing a cramp in the back of my head. Contrary to this, I can be watching the children and while doing something mindless in the kitchen, they are painting the sliding glass door with their breakfast milk and I am oblivious to the transgression, knowing that all the while I will have to hose down the eating area and windows after they have finished. Hey, they are quiet and entertained and it costs me no brain power or effort. Mommy on the other hand has her breakfast run like a drill instructor hounding the troops.
The whole Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus scenario could be the culprit in the above situations, but it caused me to think of balance and the way single parents handle the same things we take for granted. I also get a better understanding of divorced parents and the trials of the phrase, “but Daddy lets me do that”. How do you suppose the same sex parents strike the balance when both are from Venus or Mars? Parenting is a mystery wrapped in an enigma–or is it a conundrum?
Now you know why I can only assume my children will need numerous sessions with a shrink to find out what Dad was talking about all those years, as these are thoughts that keep me up at night and have obviously driven me to drink. This is just one of the many things that intrigue me about parenting.
For your homework this evening, another mystery must be looked upon and that is the difference between modern parenting and the parenting of those pioneers crossing the Great Plains with the “California or Bust” painted on their wagon. How quickly do you suppose their babies were potty trained and how did they manage not having Huggies with leak control?
A bit of history not taught in schools that might make you appreciate our modern conveniences even more:
“Elizabethan times allowed for a cloth type of diaper, however it was changed so infrequently that several days worth of waste accumulated. Other ancient diapers consisted of animal skins, moss, linens, leaves, and the like.”
http://www.diaperjungle.com/history-of-diapers.html
My husband has said the same thing about the noise level produced by our toddler - I’ve just tuned it out completely, but it sets his teeth on edge.
Well, we use cloth diapers here, so I imagine that they did much the same as we do - except that they didn’t have nice diaper pants to keep it all in. I’m guessing that moms did an awful lot more laundry back then. That used to be a day-long chore (boil water, wash clothes, hang up to dry, iron). That’s why the washing machine was such a great invention!
One of the best things about being gay parents is that you’re never always from Mars or from Venus. We learned early on in our relationship that chores and responsibilities got divided by who did them best. I did the laundry and cleaning, but I also handed installing our toilets and putting in new electrical outlets. He does the cooking, but he also is in charge of car maintenance. That is the best thing about being a same-sex couple; there really are no restricted or presumed roles when you’re both of the same gender. (You still wouldn’t believe how many times people ask who the ‘woman’ is in the relationship. So freaking annoying.)
When our son was born, the same division of duties happened there. Each of us just did what we were best at and what our son responded best to. And we found that we each handle parenting situations differently, just like straight couples.
None of this is to say however that any of our kids won’t need years of therapy.
I have been thinking about single parents all week too. My twins have been sick, and I don’t know how single parents manage to make it through the day. They amaze me.
Mom went to Atlanta this week. Left me home with my two year old son. We are missing Mommy, the four year old and the baby, but we are doing alright. Learning alot about being a Dad and the father of an inquisitive, caring, little boy.