Keeping a relationship together
AdventureDad | March 17
I had the privilege of meeting my wife many years ago. We knew we wanted kids but at an early age we never felt ready. As we got older we thought more about it but we still waited. Seeing other people having kids was actually a huge turnoff 90% of the time. The children were usually fantastic but the parents simply stopped living and their relationship turned boring and uneventful as soon as the kids were born. We saw a complete lack of traveling, dinners at restaurants, workouts (or simply a semi-healthy lifestyle), simple fun, and anything that would keep a spark in the relationship with the spouse. Going our for dinner twice a year, gaining 50 pounds, stop all our hobbies, have sex twice a month, and never leave the country didn’t look very appealing. We talked at length about this and decided that when the time came our focus should be on the kids but also on our own relationship. We wanted to still have fun after we had kids. After all, we were supposed to be together the rest of our lives and doing that without having fun seemed pointless.
Having the nearest family 800 miles a way and the the rest on another continent meant quite a challenge. We were completely on our own with our son and knew few people. No free and easy babysitting at the parents house with no advance notice. After the breastfeeding stage was over we got the great advice from a friend to schedule some time each week for ourselves. We already took turns going to the gym, meeting friends, or did trips to other countries but the point was that we were not doing many things together. We wanted some time without kids, just ourselves. We did feel kind of guilty at first but that was of course silly. Our child had our complete attention nearly 24 hours a day, surely we could sneak away five hours a week. We found a great babysitter that came to our house late afternoon each Friday and we headed out. She feed our son dinner, played a bit, watched a little TV, did some reading, and then he slept. This made us feel very confident about leaving the house for a relaxing evening.
Going out together without our son felt very odd at first but after being convinced he was in good hands we relaxed and enjoyed ourselves. Usually we would go somewhere for a few drinks and then head to a nice restaurant for a long dinner. In warmer weather we went mountain biking for a few hours and then finished off with a few drinks. We also did some rock climbing. Or spent the night at some spa hotel. But most of the time we simply left the house with no firm plans except to relax and have a good time.
The greatest thing about being out for an evening together is coming home. Walk into our sons room, see him lying there sleeping, kiss him on the cheek, and smell that incredible baby smell. Being away for just a few hours makes us appreciate his presence even more and waking up the next morning with him is the greatest thing.
My obvious question to all you bright parents out there is, what do you do to maintain the relationship with the person you love? What do you do on a weekly or daily basis to keep your relationship fun and interesting? I would like to be married to my wife for the rest of my life, if she lets me, but I’m not very creative and could surely use some great advice for the coming years.
Have a great weekend
