My sweet boy
Woodge | March 14Luke’s most frequent interactions with Kajsa include:
a) Giving her the “Heisman,” i.e. arm outstretched, hand raised, meaning “come no closer, devil spawn!”
b) “Tickling” her by jabbing fingers into her neck.
c) Belly bumping her to the floor.
d) Grabbing toys from her.
e) Giving her the backhand.
f) Shutting her out of his room.
g) Chasing her around, making her laugh.
Luke is 4 and Kajsa is 15 months. Activities A through F are exasperating. (G is cute as hell.) Of course we’re trying to curb these behaviours (A - F) but we’re sounding like a broken record. We’re not getting through to the boy. Been here? Got any suggestions?
I wish I could help, but my four year old shut her sister (20 months) in a closet this morning. And then tried to tell me her sister wanted to be in there. I can’t wait until Nata can defend herself. And it should be soon. Good luck.
Handcuffs.
I’m kidding!! No one freak out!
I wish I had a viable solution. My two-year-old daughter is assertive to the point of being a bully (we call her “Angelica” within the family), and she’s already trying to tell her seven-month-old brother what to do (he just learned to crawl and is getting into her stuff now). The only thing I can do is monitor them closely, and come running when I hear crying.
Melissa is right, though - self-defense will be the solution to your problem. Just encourage Kajsa to stand up to Luke (I plan on allowing hitting back when hit), and eventually they’ll move on to more mature forms of sibling rivalry - like name calling and listening in on the other’s phone calls with friends.
we use the tried and true timeouts for our 3 year old - when he gets rough with our 1 year old.
But watching them interact - it is truly hard for him because young infants can be a true pain in the *ss. They want to discover things - and this inevitably means taking his stuff. If you put yourself in his place, you’d want to kick some butt too.
We tried to educate him - “Give her something else to play with”, “Let mommy or daddy know if she is bothering you”, etc. But when he gets rough with her - there are no warnings, no gentle admonishments - it is an automatic immediate timeout.
He hated this at first - but he understands now. It got to the point that he got frustrated the other day with her and whacked her and *gave himself a timeout* when he caught himself and realized what he had done.
Of course, there is a possibility that he will learn to resent her - but we haven’t noticed anything out of the ordinary yet.
That is a glimpse into my impending future. Sounds like big fun; I can’t wait.
So, based on the comments here and a few others I’ve talked to, there is no solution. You have to just suck it up and hope to mellow it when they get older.
I guess you could do some turnabout and help her take toys from him. Not sure what the psychological implications of that are, not that it matters. I’m already saving for my kid’s therapy.
No suggestions. Just a big fat ‘good freakin luck’! I have a very spirited 2 year old. This house never settles down and I fear what it would be like when there is another.
You could change the rules so that the stiff arm would be a 15 yard penalty.
No more warnings! You notice the behaviour happening, or you see the look in his eye that it is about to happen. BOOM… TIME OUT!
Explain to him why he is there and leave him to think about it. If he doesn’t stay put him back. Business like, don’t lose your cool.
After a couple minutes on the time out stair at our house, calmly explain to him again why he got the time out and then have him apologize to his sister. I usually thow in a hug and an I love you at this point.
When you figure it out, let me know. I have a three year old and an eleven year old and they go at it all the time.
John and Peter are right. There’s no need to be a broken record. After the first time, don’t explain or scold; punish. My sons are 10 and 12, and this simple rule has worked wonders with a natural-born bully.
Yep. We’re using time outs but could probably do more of them. And we always make him apologize. He’s not a total demon seed, though. Yesterday he was good all day. We think some of the acting out was due to the fact that Mama was away on a trip for four days and he wasn’t too happy about it (even though he had a fine time with Daddy). But John is right too. 1-year-olds can be a pain in the ass. Kajsa wants to do and use many of the things that Luke is doing. But she’s not old enough to be left alone with magic markers and Luke is exasperated about keeping some of his things separate. We’re just going to persevere and continue to discipline. That has worked for other things. And sometimes the behaviour just disappears. Like the stuttering I mentioned some days ago. Went away after a week. Thanks for all your comments! It’s a real treat getting feedback this way.
When mine start acting up, I separate them. They hate being *told* they can’t play together (I guess it’s reverse psychology) so they immediately straighten up, after the separation occurs.
I don’t give warnings. I find that it just gives them one more chance to do whatever it is that’s getting them in trouble.
And of course, acting without warnings keeps the little imps on their toes. ;-)
My only experience is when my 3 year old tries to climb on my dog. But I’ve heard that starting with attention for the “victim” is a good way to go. If you start out by scolding the aggressor, it’s still attention, which in some weird toddler-psychology way still reinforces the bad behavior. If, however, you start by picking up the one who got hit, cuddling them, saying “Are you OK?” etc etc, you are 1) modeling compassion and gentleness, and 2) showing the aggressor that there is no gratification to be got from acting out.
Just another perspective.
Susan