Confession of a New-School Dad
Child's Play x2 | March 3
I used to be so sure of myself about how to parent my child. I knew they’d be sleeping through the night by four months, they’d be walking by nine months, and they’d have no need for a binky after six months. That, of course, was actually before I had any kids.
Then, as if to mock my self-confidence, the powers that be decided that I should be given twins to parent. Funny how things change when you’re just trying to survive. I mean, technically my wife and I aren’t outnumbered. It just feels that way.
Prior to being blessed with 80 to 100 diaper changes a week, I used to be a tad judgemental about how people parent their kids. I work in a setting where I see children every day and I had plenty of opportunities to judge. Nothing used to set me off more than seeing a pre-school-aged child show up with a binky in his or her mouth. The kid was potty trained, but damn, don’t let them give up that binky!
This bothered me so much that I was certain I would take the binky from my child before he or she was six months. All the parenting books say that is the best time to wean the child because they have yet to form a real attachment to it. What they don’t tell you is that the binky is like being addicted to crack. What they also don’t tell you is that while the kid might not be “attached” to it yet, they sure are a hell of a lot more quiet when one is in their mouth. And quiet, when you have twins, is something you treasure. Now, there’s new research that says a binky until age one will help prevent SIDS. That’s all the evidence I needed to stretch that binky stage just a little longer. After all, it’s for their safety.
But now that year is nearing. I only have three more months and then I’m supposed to get tough with the babies. I’m not sure I have the mental fortitude to do it. I value my sanity just a little too much. So, I’m here to tell everyone that if my child wants to show up to his first job interview with a binky in his mouth, I’m okay with it. After all, I hear the teenage years is when you would really like to stick something in their mouth.
Or, I’ll just have my wife be the mean one.
Screw it. My kids are almost two and they still have pacifiers. But they know thier colors, and the girl can pretty much count to ten. They say please and thank you and they usually go down quietly for naps and at bedtime.
I will choose my battles. Hopefully they will ditch them on their own. They weaned themselves from nursing and maybe - maybe they will decide they are too big for pacifiers too. It isn’t like they are hurting your kids.
… and the quiet part is a huge bonus.
My 8 month old uses a pacifier for naps and bedtime (though strangely, not after the middle-of-the-night feeding). She screams if she doesn’t have it when I put her in bed, but she rarely uses it otherwise. I keep one around for super fussy moments, and although I admit I am embarassed when she uses one in public (I think about all the people who are looking at me and tsk-ing), it is too useful to toss out. I figure I’ll take my cues from her, and screw that old lady in the grocery store who gives me dirty looks.
My wife never allowed them in our house, I would beg and plead. “Heidi, if this kid only had something to suck on besides you, everyones life would be alot easier.” She never gave in and we never had to worry about taking it away. Another time my wife was smarter than me. Its to late now, eventually their friends will tease them enough that they won’t want to be seen with it in their mouths. They will put it away on their own.
We pulled the passy (blanket is his binky) at around 4-5 months, with no arguments. He quickly found his thumb.
I have had to deal with extensive pacifier use with preschoolers at church. It drives me NUTS!!! What really sends me up a wall are toddlers who hold it with their teeth so that they can talk without taking it out of their mouth!
I can be lenient if there is some extenuating circumstance - one little girl the Munchkin’s age uses a pacifier, but she just finished chemotherapy. If she needs a little extra comfort, so be it. But after age 1, I’m firmly of the belief that it’s the parents that need breaking of the habit more than the kids. It’s just too easy to pop it in for some peace and quiet, and get addicted to it. We have some dedicated whiners in our church’s nursery, and they all carry pacifiers with them, even though one of them is rapidly approaching two years old. He is going to raise sheer hell on his parents if they try to take it from him now.
I only used the pacifier for naps and bedtime - it got to be such a nonverbal cue to the Munchkin that she would fall asleep within two minutes of putting it in her mouth when she was a baby (she started sleeping through the night at 3 months and spoiled us rotten). She rejected the pacifier altogether at 10 months. Baby Boy would rather have his thumb, but that’s almost worse for a kid’s orthodonture. He only uses the pacifier for naps and bedtime as well. (He started sleeping through the night at 4 months.) My personal rule is that pacifier use shouldn’t be seen outside of the home if it continues after a year.
You’ve got a few more months - and the twins may just reject them completely before too long and save you the trouble. Wouldn’t that be nice?
Man, I am so jacked up on the swaddling crack right now that the binky just looks like a decaf latte. If I can ever get Baby off the swaddle I WILL NOT CARE if the binky stays until college.
And binky benefit #317? Helps control baby gas, because the sucking forces the air bubbles down (according to my lactation consultant).
Paige just gave up her binky around Christmas. She was 3.5 exactly. She was down to just wanting it at bedtime…
I was the same way. NO BINKS for my kiddos. Jake never wanted one…nor the thumb either…but Paige was a binky lover from the get-go.
We tried many different methods to cut the habit…like snipping little holes in the tops of the rubber…telling her the Binky fairy needed more binks for new babies…throwing them away (but keeping one emergency one).
One night…we were down to ONE bink…we could not find that bink anywhere. It was LOST. She cried for about 10 minutes…fell asleep and that the was the end of the binky.
I think my husband and I were more “scared” to go cold turkey then Paige was. She hasn’t spoken about a bink since then…
And all is well.
I wouldn’t stress over it.
Just phase it out…like start not having the binks available alllll the time. Make a bink a special thing for naps and bedtime. Then phase out the naps…etc.
Trust me…I have yet to meet a child who turned into Charles Manson due to binky sucking. There are much bigger issues to worry about.
Our 2 year old never has used a pacifier, the problem is he has sucked his thumb since before birth (we have the ultrasound pics). A binky you can throw away or “lose”. What do we do, cut off his thumbs like in a Scorsese movie?
I did NOT want to break the habit. I LOVE(d) the pacifiers. My girls LOVE(d) the pacifiers. (My son hated them and never used them.) But I HAD to get rid of their old ones. I bought them nice new ones. Put them in bed with them, along with their old ones. But there came a day when I had to ditch the old ones because they chewed through them. (They’re the pacifiers attached to little animals.)
Day 1: Scream, scream, scream, scream! No naps whatsoever. Bedtime was hideous.
Day 2: I cut off the pacifier parts and gave them back the old animals. Still screams, but getting somewhat better.
Day 3: They cuddled their little animals and slept.
Go figure.
My kid was an binki addict until the age of 18 months when he had a blunt force trauma to the mouth. (A freak boating accident — daddy on baby duty! Don’t ask.) Obviously no paci allowed that fatefull day the teeth were re-stitched in. It was really only one day of hell and the wailing was probably more from the pain. He’s never wanted one since.
I say pop a few valiums when you’re ready and let the crying begin. It will all be over in a days time and well worth it.
I have a thumb sucker. She’s been attached to her thumb since she found it at 4 months old and then the binky was history. As the previous poster mentioned it’s a lot easier to get rid of a binky than it is to get rid of a thumb. I should know, I sucked mine until I was 9 to the horror of my dad who tried every trick in the book to get me to stop including duct taping my thumb to my hand. I am just taking it easy with my daughter, I figure the more I fight with her about it, the more she will suck on it. I am just hoping she quits sooner than I did.
Our son sucks his thumb. It used to be more frequent but now is mostly when he gets tired and wants to sleep. I’ve got no problems with it and I’m sure he will stop by his own. Same with you. THe kids will put it away by themselves when they are ready. You can try to take it away for shorter periods and then build on that but I see no need to worry about this yet. If they are showing up for college with it then you have officially failed as a parent:-))
Nice weekend
AD
Jonathan does seem to be very into his binky, more so than Brianna. He may quit on his own, someone (a daycare buddy) who has just had his or her binky taken away makes a grab for it. Then Jonathan will have to decide whether to grab it back or walk away. I think he will grab it back and a fight will ensue among two toddlers. Poor daycare providers!
I’ve been through this struggle with my friends and their kids. One didn’t give his up til he was 5 and that’s only because I threw them all out. The next day he asked for his suckey (I cringed everytime he called it that) and I said they were all gone, no more. He was fine. We were lucky with our kids, they only used the binks when I was nursing them. The boy had his for 3 or 4 mos and the girl for maybe two weeks (we had nursing issues). I even bought all these pretty pink ones and she denied them all. Oh well, no complaints. Hopefully you will not have to suffer when they are going through withdrawels. Do they have 12 step programs for this? They should.
Of my 5, there are 2 who were so attached that I wasn’t nearly brave enough to try and take it away. Not until past their 3rd birthdays.
But I did progressively limit its use. One of the first things was that it could only be used in the house.
I have a 22 month old now and I started her off right - at sometime before the 1 year mark, we started not allowing it out of her crib. She doesn’t ever even ask for it or wonder about it in day to day life, but she needs it still when she goes to sleep.
Well I am pretty sure there are much worse things out there, so I don’t worry about it. Maya gave it up at 1, but she was never that attached. Nata is still on love with hers, and I really am not willing to take it away from her yet. If she still has it by kindergarden, then I will worry. I agree with other people, thumb sucking is harder to get them to stop doing. I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you, I have never seen a kid go to college with one. ALso, I think every person says things about kids and what they will do or not do with them. And then they are born, and you learn to choose your battles.
I was two and a half when I had to give up my binky, I am 28 years old and I remember it like it was yesterday. I carried it around my neck on a red yarn and my mom had told me that it was my last binky and if I lost it tough shit. I can still hear the sound it made as my mom mowed it down with the lawnmower…lessoned learned.
Preface: I have no kids. Do whatever you want.
I agree w/ Deanna that what does bug the shit out of me is the toddler/preschooler who TALKS AROUND THE BINKY. Okay, I am sorry, b/c, like I said, no kids here, but IF YOU ARE GOING TO TALK, YOU NEED TO TAKE THAT STUPID THING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, OMG ARRRGH. Also, my mom *loathes* pacifiers (will not even call them anything but “pacifiers”), and I was a thumbsucker, so all that has rubbed off on me. Damn, such hate here for the thumbs :(