Hypothetically Speaking, part deux
The Bean's Dad | February 27Based on your responses to the “child run amok” scenario, it seems that there are three types of parents.
The majority of us fall into the “no harm, no foul” category, kind of like our moms’ “it’s all fun and games until someone puts an eye out.” Or, in this case, knocks a Hatton Media Cabinet into a Shanghai Wine Consol.
Several of us fall into the Safety First category. Or, as my dad used to say, “there will be no fun unless I say so.” Probably the most prudent approach if you have a tenuous relationship with Visa like we do(think “you break it, you bought it”) .
And the minority (though arguably the craftiest) of us employ plausible deniability. When the shit hits the fan, you are heard to say “what, huh, not my kid.” Then when everyone starts looking for the parents you scoop up your demon-child and run for the exit.
Today we increase the level of difficulty:
You’re at the playground with your 2 year old. There are also three boys there– ages 6-8. Their parent has disappeared into the community center to watch a basketball game. Of course, since they’re boys, they start throwing sand at each other. Then one of them runs over and throws sand at you and your child.
I know what I did would do. What would you do?
I would give them the same type of verbal dressing down they could expect at school, from a teacher or other authority figure. I would also make sure to explain the dangers inherent in sand throwing, and get their names and their parent’s names.
I would say something to the kids along the lines that if they want to throw sand at eachother while their parents are away thats fine, but leave the other, especially younger, children out of it. And when i saw their parents, depending on my tolerance for people that day, i may mention to them what their kids were doing. if my tolerance is high that day, i might just let it go.
I would speak very sharply to the kids - leaving them in no doubt as to my ire, but not yelling. If that made them back off, then I’d most likely let it go. If it continued, I’d take my child and go find the parent in the community center, asking very loudly for the parent whose kids are harassing other children. I’m not above embarrassing another parent who has let their kid get out of line and potentially hurt others. I have a low tolerance for that. A noisy kid in a store is one thing - a kid deliberately picking on a smaller child on a playground is another.
I would tell the boys they needed to come with me right now and I would take them into the center to find their parent. I would tell the parent what their kids were doing.
I’d definitely say something to the kids to remind them about manners and respecting grown-ups, not picking on little kids, etc. If it happened again I would either find their parents, or just pick up my child and leave because he’d probably be in tears anyway and want to go home. Depends on my tolerance level for that day. But then again, my child’s tears would probably be enough to get my Irish up and go have a word with their parents!
In my fantasy world, I would drag the brat by his ear to where ever his father was so he could watch me kick his(the father’s) ass. Oh, I’ve got issues around that sort of thing. But in reality, I would at least try to civilly elicit the deserved apology from the offending boy. Failing that, I’d kick ass.
I’d take the child and leave, find a group of teenage kids and pay them $20 to go push the bratty dirt throwers around causing them to piss their pants and run crying to their parents.
A taste of their own medicine wouldn’t hurt, would it?
I certainly think a little peer shaming would be a good bet here. Damn straight, march those kids into find mommy or daddy and report what happened.
Or I might say, “Hey, runt-boy, you throw one more piece of sand even in the direction of my little daughter here, and I will make sure you eat every last grain you throw. Got me you little Shit?
Age 6-8 is easy. What if they are 12-14 and already looking like mini-Eminems?
Return fire with a handful of sand?
What I’d *like* to do: Call the police and report abandoned children at the playground.
What I’d actually do: Talk to the kids and tell them to stop, then bring them with me to find their dad in the community center and point out that anyone could have walked off with his kids since he wasn’t supervising them. And if there was anyone in charge of the playground I’d point out to them that their libability insurance certainly doesn’t cover unattended kids.
Like many others, I’d find the parents and go from there.
But here’s a further problem - what if the parents are real assholes, as might be expected in cases of real asshole kids? What does one do in the parent-to-assholeparent confrontation?
(It’s worth pointing out, I think, that this dilemma provides something of an answer to “Why Am I a Diligent Parent?” Because that bee-yotch toddler becomes a grotty little sand-hurler. And later, the parent of same.)
It’s time to call Charles Atlas?
http://cagle.msnbc.com/hogan/features/atlas.asp
Hmmmm….I would pull out my Kill Bill sword…slice em up Uma Thurman style and then throw sand on their wounds…while shouting “Ya feel lucky today punks?”
Hit them with a big stick? Ok, maybe not. Actually telling them to leave my kid out of their sand fight would generally do the trick. Most kids that age will still listen to adults. I don’t know what I’d do if they were older.
I’d have to speak up and let the boys know that there will be no sand throwing in our direction and if it continued I’d find the parents.
I know what I’d *like* to do, which is reflected in some of the comments above, that is, be civil and find a parent or something.
In reality, just the thought of it is enough to get me riled up and I would rip in to the kids and ask if they’re ready for me to yank them by the head and shove their faces in the sand. Not something I would ever *really* put in to action, but the words would be enough.
Unless they realized they screwed up and apologized right away.
I’m beginning to think that there are more and more bullies out there because they don’t think anyone will do anything.
I would tell them to get the hell off the playground, claiming that since their parents wern’t watching them and they certainly wern’t policing themselves, they could be booted.
This I have done, with variable results. We used to live in a very “urban” (read: loaded with wanna-be kiddie hoodlums) neighborhood, where unattended children were quite the norm, and many of them had a slim grasp of manners, if at all. It generally worked most of the time to just tell them to leave, with suitable menacing glare thrown in for emphasis.
i am the lamest parent ever. this thing happened to me (kind of) about a week ago -
i went to pick my kid up from his daycare center, and when i arrived he was in the sandbox with a couple of other kids. so i hung out beside it for a bit watching and talking to him, not wanting to yank him out of an environment hes happy in right away. then, these other kids, slightly older, start flicking sand around. some of it lands on my kid, and i turn a blind eye. i mean, maybe it was an accident, right? and my kid (i know i am biased when i say this) has such a sweet personality that he doesnt even COMPREHEND that someone is doing something to him that might not be nice, so he just plays on. and this kid flicks more sand at him. i evil the kid. the kid flicks MORE sand, this time a huge glob, and i grab my kid and i leave the sandbox.
the thing is, its a daycare center, and i didnt feel like i could just march in there and start telling off other kids when they have teachers there that are supposed to be in place to control and stop that kind of behaviour. also, i HATE confrontation. i just made a big deal of standing in front of another teacher and taking my kids shirt off to shake it out and fishing sand out of his ears and things but… yeah.
personally i FELT like throwing sand at the older kid myself. eye for an eye, right? but its kind of hard to teach that to a two year old. teach him its okay to throw sand at one person, and all of a sudeen hes throwing it at everyone. and where do you stop with that kind of stuff? why would it be right to throw sand at someone, but not a rock? how one without the other? and then theres all kinds of moral and ethical thingys over presenting violence as a viable option and bla bla bla. but still.
I straighten the little bastards out quickly. They will know without equivocation that one of the main rules of the payground is No Throwing Sand! It happens all the time. At the beach as well. I don’t care if their parents are there or not. If they are in my area of influence, throwing sand I put a stop to it.
Parents aren’t doing their jobs supervising?
Then I will do the job for them.
Not cruelly - I recognize that my kid is as often the perpetrator as the victime - but I do very clearly tell them to stop it. And usually they’re scared of me ’cause I’m a stranger. And because I’m not scared of THEIR parents so I don’t even speak QUIETLY or anything.
I am woman. Hear me roar (at everyone’s kids, not just my own).
How about walking into the community center and throwing a fistfull of sand at the parents for not paying attention?
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